The Malcontent

Prescient Chinese Secret

Last night we planned a trip for this weekend to the Hamptons.  Then we had Chinese food.  Here was our fortune:

Spooky.  Have a good weekend, y'all.

A Very Fishy Poll

See the cute, little, world-weary fish I put up on my banner, blowing bubbles every few seconds?  I brought him home from the pet store the other day to audition him/her as a possible Malcontent Mascot.  (Many bloggers have dogs; I do not like to pick up poopies with a plastic bag.)

The problem is, my piscatorial friend doesn't have a name.  And that's where you come in:

I thought about possibly calling him "Malcolm," or maybe 3M ("Malcolm, the Malcontent Mascot") for short.  But a blog is supposed to be a dialog, not a lecture.

So it is up to you to suggest names for him (in the comments section), and when a sufficient number of good nominees come in, we'll have a vote.  Or maybe I should flush the fish altogether?

Either way, it's up to you.  Just don't disappoint me like my last poll.

Enforced Homo-geneity

It's not often that I can give a hat tip to Mike Rogers, but in this case I will, although probably not for the reason he might hope.

A couple of days ago, by way of Mike's cesspool blog, I found a link to this editorial (also here) by the Washington Blade's Chris Crain.  Mike and others of his phylum are all a-tither that Chris would dare defend his decision to allow Jeff Gannon onto the Blade's op-ed page.

Gays and Iran

Kudos to Doug Ireland for doggedly following the persecution of gays in Iran.  But is he really deserving of such special credit, as Andrew Sullivan suggests?  (Gay Patriot's attention to this issue, for instance, is also worthy of mention.)

Has "liberalism" been brought so low that the idea of a liberal shining a light on Islamofascist brutality – even when gays are involved – is now suddenly alien?

Or is it really just that anything which redounds to the benefit of George Bush's gimlet-eyed view of evil must be avoided?

You Win a Few, You Lose One

Gov. Schwarznegger's long-promised veto of gay marriage legislation is overshadowing other bills he signed giving GLBT folks in California major, important rights.  As usual, BfT is all over it.

Was Gray Davis ever this gay friendly?

Still, blogosphere cheap shots abound.

Imponderables

A question: You've got yer Google, you've got yer Froogle, so why isn't this called "Bloogle"?

Oh, I guess they'd first have to sue these people out of existence.

Debra Messing Up

Missed last night's live season-eight premiere of Will&Grace?  Never fear, I have distilled the (East-Coast-feed) parts that are worth watching down to about five minutes.  Come to think of it, it's probably the only truly watchable five minutes of W&G in the past three years or so.

Mostly, what's involved is a series of scenes in which Debra Messing (Grace) and Sean Hayes (Jack) try not to completely crack up on camera.

Alec Baldwin (guest starring as "Malcolm") also has a couple of memorable moments toward the beginning and the end, including an up-to-the-minute reference that practically shouted, "We're live, see?  We're talking about Tom DeLay!"

[Watch video – 13.2mb, 5:08, WMV format – with humblest apologies to ye of little bandwidth]

Elsewhere: TV Squad live-blogs the epi.

UPDATE: Hello, Slate readers!  Thanks for the link, Surfer Girl.

UPADTE (2): Buon giorno, lettori di Libero!

What Price Freedom

Didn't John Kerry say a year ago that the war in Iraq had already cost $200 billion?

Well, it's now a whole year later, and according to even the anti-war left, the actual cost (as of this writing) is now just beginning to approach that level.  (Not that liberals are my sole arbiter of the truth, mind you.)

My question to the left is this: What price to remove a murderous despot (remember him?) and free 30 million people, sparking democratic change in much of the Middle East, would be considered "acceptable"?

Rapier-Like Wit Felled By Butter Knife

Ethan has been a very, very bad boy.

Sullivan Watch

I am introducing a new semi-regular feature ("semi-regular" being whenever the hell I get around to it) called "Sullivan Watch."

The general concept of a "watch" is not new, nor is it as it pertains specifically to Andrew Sullivan.  In fact, entire blogs have been dedicated to the task.  But to my knowledge, his "watchers" have heretofore been mainly on the left, and there has not been any sort of sustained critique of Andrew Sullivan from a libertarian/right perspective.

Pleasure To Meet You, Ms. Sarandon

What do you do if you are about to meet one of the biggest actresses in Hollywood?  If you're me, then obviously you dump your entire lunch down the front of your pants.

I was in a hurry and was going to eat at my desk.  I was just about to set down the hinged plastic container of food, when it collapsed in upon itself.  Greens with blue cheese dressing, and chicken strips with pesto went cascading down my sartorial splendor and onto my new Taryn Rose shoes.

I had to spend several minutes in the bathroom with a wet wad of paper towels the size of my head, and the faint funk of blue cheese persists around me.

If that weren't bad enough, I'm still ... very ... hungry.

How To Run an Awards Show

Paul Mooney

Most televised awards shows are tightly scripted and sanitized, with celebs so busy kissing each other's asses that they bore the rest of us to sleep.

And then there are the mold-busting awards shows for African-Americans like the 2005 BET Comedy Awards.

Howard Stern has some of the highlights, including a very un-PC tirade by Paul Mooney that bazookas everyone from Li'l Kim to Oprah to Miss Diana to Michael, and host Steve Harvey's hilarious efforts at damage control.

[Listen – 5:43, 1.96mb, MP3 format]

Goodbye, Tony

The WaPo is reporting today that D.C. Mayor Tony Williams will not seek a third term.  As a recent District expat, I will be sorry to see him go.  (Indeed, it was not uncommon for Republicans to cross over and vote for him in both primaries and in general elections.)

Just as Abe Pollin and the MCI Center deserve an enormous amount of credit for igniting a renaissance in some of the District's most blighted downtown areas (and helping again make real estate there a worthy investment), Tony Williams might someday be judged as the driving force behind a future such transformation of the city's ravaged Anacostia waterfront.  (Of course, a historic gay playground will be razed in the process.)

His baseball-sy crusade to bring the Nats to town was criticized by some whose motives were largely their own political ambitions.  He has been known for a style that tends to the aloof and egg-headed, but if there is one thing the cesspool of District government sorely needs, it is a technocrat – and several fewer "deputy mayors."

The Post nails it:

Drafted to run for mayor in 1998, Williams won -- and inherited a boarded-up, trash-strewn downtown along with a dysfunctional city bureaucracy that still used rotary phones, couldn't manage to collect people's garbage and operated at the whim of a federally appointed control board.

Williams quickly brought an air of competence to the District Building, balancing city budgets and releasing Washington from control board authority. He also attracted development downtown and to neighborhoods across the city, while pushing for radical changes in the urban landscape, including redevelopment of the Anacostia waterfront and renewal of the city's historic thoroughfares.

Tony Williams was handed a thankless, Herculean task, and he worked wonders within those confines.  His successor will have mighty big wingtips to fill.

Thanks for everything, Mr. Mayor.

IFC: RIP

The International "Freedom" Center will not be.  Good job, Robert.  Thank you, Governor.

Like I said, toast.

L'affaire DeLay

Nancy Pelosi reacts:

"The criminal indictment of Majority Leader Tom DeLay is the latest example that Republicans in Congress are plagued by a culture of corruption at the expense of the American people." (emphasis mine)

Mr. Kettle, there is a Ms. Pot holding for you on line 2 ...

You Are (Rudy) Getting Very (Rudy) Sleepy (Rudy)

Enjoy this cool, tag-enabled, presidential straw poll.  And my guy is walking away with it!  [Hat tip: AGR]

As an added bonus, it comes with more trackbacks than the Swiss Alps.

Early Adopters = Suckers

Way back in the Copper Age, after I had played my Diamond Rio PMP 300 into the ground, I bought a 2G iPod.

Then I bought a 3G iPod.

Then that one broke (just days out of warranty), and I still bought another one.

Then that one burned down, fell over, sank into the swamp, and I got an iPod Mini.  (Of course, mere days later, they announced the top-line Mini would go from 4 gigs to 6 gigs.)  I also bought a Zen Portable Media Player to watch videos on long flights.

So you think I would be a perfect sucker candidate for the new iPod Nano, right?  Wrong.

The new iPods have simply come much too fast and furious for me.  What's more, the speed with which new models are released suggests strongly that "planned obsolescence" is a central and cynical feature of Apple's business plan.  I had decided to hit "pause" on the iPod.

So it is always fun to watch Steve Jobs wipe a little egg from his whiskery face.

And Now for a Word From ... Me

For anyone in the tri-state area who might be interested, I am selling my (almost new) sleeper sofa/chair/ottoman combo to make way for something much more fabulous.  (Details on Craigslist.)

Almost new:

Really new:

The price(s) listed over on Craigslist are pretty close to my final offer.  If it doesn't sell within a few days, I will donate it to charity for the tax write-off and the vague sense that somehow, after far too many administrative expenses are skimmed off the top, I did something good.

"Warmonger" vs. Hatemonger

Cindy Sheehan is at it again.  Fresh from the pokey for protesting without a permit (something that is ridiculously easy to obtain in D.C. but which many intentionally overlook for the PR value of an arrest), she's now trying to make hay out of a meeting with someone who is not even her Senator.  And, of course, the sycophantic media are right along for the ride.

First, Cindy secures a meeting with Sen. John McCain through deception.  Then, even after he had the grace to hear her views, she returned the favor by labeling the Republican-Democrats-love-to-love a "warmonger."

I have never thought it would be a simple matter for John McCain to out-class anyone, but he makes breezy work of Cindy:

"She's entitled to her opinion," McCain said. "We just have fundamental disagreements."

Meanwhile, Cindy's spokeswoman is doing about as well at making purses from sows' ears as Tom Cruise's sister.  Lame explanation for her client's dementia: "She's exhausted."

"Cindy Sheehan: The Sequel" is a turning out a little bit like William Hung's Christmas album.  The first time around, it might have had mild entertainment value.  But now it would be nice if you would just shut the hell up.

Our Money Keeps Getting Gayer and Gayer

Hot on the heels of the "peach" 20 comes the new ten-spot.  (Animated gif a Malcontent original™.)

Loves it!:

Gayest Show Ever?

SPOILER ALERT!!!  SPOILER ALERT!!!  SPOILER ALERT!!!  SPOILER ALERT!!!

If you haven't seen the first two episodes of Nip/Tuck this season and prefer to be surprised, then stop reading.  But if you want to learn how this brainchild of series creator Ryan Murphy is fast becoming the gayest show on television – perhaps ever – then read on.

Queer As Folk has exited stage right and The L Word is not yet back from hiatus, but even taking those two shows into account, Nip/Tuck is moving aggressively to cover the entire GLBT waterfront, quite literally, in a way like none other before it.

The facts:

Christian (Julian McMahon) still deals with the emotional and physical scars of what was revealed to be not just a slashing, but anal rape at the hands of a serial attacker known as "The Carver."  In a scene from the season premiere, Christian sits naked in the shower as a tell-tale trickle of blood slowly flows into the drain.

Meanwhile, Matt (an 18-year-old character played by 28-year-old John Hensley) begins to question his sexuality after a revelation discussed below.

He starts smoking major weed.

His grandmother, Erica (Vanessa Redgrave), sits him down and basically tells him it's OK if he's gay, that he must be his "authentic self."

Liz (Roma Maffia) is an anesthesiologist who is a lesbian.

Kimber (Kelly Carlson) is Christian's current girlfriend who also has a girlfriend of her own, resulting in lots of threesome fun for the randy Christian.

Brazilian dreamboat Bruno Campos (best known as Christina Applegate's flame on NBC's departed sitcom Jesse) has joined the cast full-time.

He plays Dr. Quentin Costa, a smooth-talking bisexual who is brought in to bolster Sean (Dylan Walsh) and Christian's SoFla plastic-surgery practice during Christian's recovery.  (Incidentally, I suspect him to be The Carver.  Both Costa and Carver have sexy baritones, and both enjoy "the company of men."  There's a whole strange interplay I see among the three male surgeons, but it's not worth going into here.)

Matt has been having an affair with Ava (Famke Janssen).  In episode two this season, it was revealed to Matt that Ava is actually a transsexual who was one of his father's (Sean or Christian, depending on one's definition of "father") clients.

Trouble is, Matt really seems to dig the whole trans thing, which all causes him to begin freaking out.  He goes to a trans bar, picks up a shemale, then beats her to a bloody pulp after he learns she still has a penis.  (Dude, you were in a trans bar.)  Then he shaves off all his hair, which Sean takes as a desperate assertion of masculinity.

Nip/Tuck is every bit as daring as QAF, and even more so for a basic-cable series.  It uses about every word in the book except for the F word (and I haven't heard the C word yet), but there is plenty of skin and same-sex kissing.  (Remember when such things were unheard of on American television?)

Teal is the new black, and with the dispatching of Valerie Cherish and other missteps, FX is quickly becoming the new HBO.

One Degree of The Malcontent

I don't lay claim to being above anything around, oh, the J-List.  But what celebrity friends I do have I am going to pimp to the extreme.  (I don't think the husband's subway conversation with "Duff" qualifies her as a friend.)

Brooke Blanchard, a bona fide Malconfidant, is about to get a big break with a recurring role on ABC's hit show Grey's Anatomy.  She will be playing a paramedic, Jill Hale, who "is very good at her job and doesn't like being talked down to by doctors."  Apparently she has a good confrontation scene with Sandra Oh's character.

She has done movies and stage here and there, with three years as a principal on As the World Turns.  But clearly, a big prime-time show is a great opportunity for her.  And for me, as her blog pimp.

So set your TiVos beginning October 30.  Then write the producers, write Congress, write Santa Claus and tell them she must be added as a featured player.

As an aside, and a fairly major one for a big ol' homo like moi, Brooke is very gay-friendly.  She was roommates for a couple of years with and is now a neighbor of Peter Paige (a.k.a. Emmett from Queer As Folk.)  She also appeared with him in the movie Say Uncle, which he wrote and directed.  (Somehow I wasn't able to parlay this into anything like a guest shot on QAF.)

It is strange to think that I know someone who is friends with someone whose butt I have seen more often than many guys I've dated.

Katrina Swamps Media Credibility

Katrina has helped transmogrify the "adversarial media" into the "antagonistic media."  BoiFromTroy has the goods.

Papal Queer-Baiting

Cheers to Downtown Lad for helping put the Pope's latest act of hatred and bigotry in stark relief.

But jeers to the Times for quoting the over-quoted Sullivan.

RIP, Don Adams

Maxwell Smart is dead.

I hear he almost went to hell.

But he "missed it by that much."

Looking for More Reasons To Love Tony Blair?

Here's at least one:

Tony Blair has admitted that he is changing his views on combating global warming to mirror those of President Bush - and oppose negotiating international treaties such as the Kyoto Protocol.

RTWT.

Rogers' Act: Worn Thinner Than His Hair

Mike Rogers is at it again, prolonging the hateful, antiquated and divisive notion that being gay and Republican are, in themselves, intrinsically exclusive concepts.

This time, the sole indictment Rogers can seemingly dredge up against his most recent victim is that of registering Republican voters (OOOooooo ...), which he disingenuously spins as "building the current anti-gay majority in Congress."

By that twisted logic, anyone who rallied Democrats for John Kerry in 2004 was "building momentum behind outlawing gay marriage in Massachusetts."

Truly, he is reaching the bottom of the barrel in his sick crusade.

A non-bombshell that BlogActive has been touting since Friday, the piece is riddled not just with Rogers' typical ad hominem attacks, but with poor grammar and numerous misspellings that render it virtually impenetrable – more great "journalism" from Rogers.  (Let's see how many of them he corrects in the screen grab on the right.)  Apparently, Mike's spell-checker takes the weekend off.

Fair-minded individuals such as me are still waiting for him to quit shilling for anti-gay Democrats.  Then perhaps we will look harder for any shred of redeeming value in his "outings."  (He's probably more afraid of the fact that Berkowitz and the GOP are making inroads among Jewish Americans, which would explain why a rabid partisan would "expose" a gay Republican for the flimsiest of reasons.)

Until then, his website, which regularly toadies for the Dems and deletes many non-sycophantic comments, should be rechristened as "Blog Redactive."

Quote of the Day

"Rita is supposed to make landfall in Texas, which is good for Barbara Bush because she can insult survivors closer to home."

— Bill Maher, HBO's Real Time With Bill Maher

"Martha" Stiffs Gay Base

We enjoyed Martha Behind Bars last night on CBS, one of those too-compressed TV movies that shoves Martha's shady ImClone stock deal, her indictment and conviction, her prison sentence and her triumphant return to her MSO empire into a brisk 90 minutes.

I wonder if it's more surreal for Martha or for Cybill Shepherd that the latter has now taken to mirroring the former's life a few months after the fact on CBS.

Still, with Peter Bacanovic and Douglas Faneuil as central figures, I was hoping for at least some sort of randy gay subplot.  I thought something might erupt during Bacanovic's mid-crisis massage, but I was wrong.  I would have settled even for a little hot Camp Cupcake love involving Martha.

The putatively straight Gale Harold, fresh off the Queer As Folk swansong on CBS sibling Showtime, was the openly gay Bacanovic, while David Alpay (of Atom Egoyan's little-seen flick Ararat) played his homo lackey-cum-turncoat, Faneuil.

Hillary Triangulates

... and smartly so, on the International Freedom Center.

This thing is toast.

A Meta-Critique of a Critic Who is Critical of Criticism

Paradigm shifts cause understandable discomfort for those below whom the earth is crumbling, but often their loud protests and bravado are really just proxies for their terror in the face of impending disaster and their feckless responses.

Enter John Simon. A longtime critic of theatre, “film” (also known as “movies”) and music in New York, his latest screed in Newsweek International against blogs has the trappings of a cranky grandpa raising his window to shush the kids next door and their strange, new music.

In the Name of Sex, Booze, and Celibacy

One of the most vivid memories I have of my freshman year at a Catholic university is that of a friend, Megan, standing in the boys' bathroom, tapping her black heels, and applying make-up thicker than most caulking. It wasn't unusual for a Friday night. She knew how to find the good parties and often left us all behind as she mixed with seniors at local bars, frat dens, or off campus housing. This time, however, she reached over every now and then between lipstick strokes to tug on my sleeve.

"You should come. You'd like these guys. They asked to meet you."

I leaned backwards out the bathroom door, throwing glances up and down the halls with a paranoia that only a recently decloseted homosexual possesses. "These are priests, right?"

An eye roll. "Noooo. They're in the seminary. They're going to be priests."

Confusion. "Is that . . . better?"

The French Shower?

I was flipping through the channels here in Marrakech and I happened across what I initially thought could only be The Shower Channel.

At first, I saw only a static image of the outside of a large shower.  Over the noise of the water, I could hear jibber-jabbering in French and the distinct voices of probably two females and two males.  There weren't any sex sounds, but there was the occasional giggle.

Then out they came, one by one, all four of them.  They were young and attractive, but wearing bathing suits. (I guess you really can bathe in them.)

In truth, it is probably the "live feed" of a French-speaking version of Big Brother.  (On checking Endemol's website, it is possibly the Belgian version.)  Unlike the American version, where the only live feed you get is on the Web, and even then it is scrubbed of most anything truly interesting.

The camera angles began to change in the tell-tale Big Brother style.  We saw such exciting moments as "brushing hair."  And "brushing teeth."  And "getting into bed."  Then one of the girls went around the night-vision-green room and gave each of her roommates a gentle kiss good-night.

Sleep well, young ones.  But remember, you have only a short time left to Celebrate Bisexuality Day.

 

Well, I Did Dine A La Carte Tonight

As one whose sexual orientation is bi but whose preference is gay, I wish you a happy "Celebrate Bisexuality Day."

The gays get the whole booze-soaked month of June, while the bi's get a single day tucked into the height of TV premiere week. Oh, well.  (I suppose the trans get that leap second that we're supposed to add to our clocks every several years.)

So how did you celebrate?

I'm Too Sexy for This Robe

Many thanks to GOP Vixen for including me as a panelist in her "Sexiest Supreme Court Justice" contest.  (Winner: Clarence Thomas ... although John Roberts sorta wins if nominees are included.)

Here was my ballot (written pre-Rehnquist's death), including my unexpurgated answers regarding Clarence Thomas:

William Rehnquist: 8.5. I adore the $30,000 impeachment admiralty robe!  Has a Supreme Court chief justice ever been this consumed with couture before?  I imagine him alone at night with a bottle of Pinot Grigio, performing the complete score from HMS Pinafore.  Bonus points for the jaunty Windsor cap.

John Paul Stevens: 4.  Chicks dig the bowtie.  But majority opinion in FCC v Pacifica means he is unlikely to talk dirty in bed.

Antonin Scalia: 7.  "That's a spicy meatball!"  This Italian stallion would have scored a solid 9, but I docked him one point for his poor showing in the Miss Congeniality contest, and another point for his too-selective use of stare decisis.

Anthony Kennedy: 10.  Three words: Lawrence v Texas.  It doesn't get any sexier than that.

David Souter: 5.  Urban eroticism pre-empted by Yankee stoicism.

Clarence Thomas: 8.  The Malcontent thinks that whole "Long Dong Silver" business all might have been a bit of thinly disguised autobiographical projection.

Steven Breyer: 3.  Steven who?  His blank slate of a tenure (not to mention his entirely forgettable appearance) is a metaphor for the presidency of the man who nominated him.  But he gets a bonus point for not resorting to the comb-over.

Run, Jeff, Run!

Jeff Cook, an old-school Malconfidant (that's my too-cute term for "friend," seeing how every other blogger has an arsenal of neologisms), sent me an email by way of his exploratory committee for Congress:

Our campaign is challenging conventional wisdom and the politics of complacency in Washington.  The political insiders are already paying attention to our campaign.  They are learning what you and I already know--that now, more than ever, is the time for strong, unifying leadership to restore faith and confidence in our institutions.

I don't know much about his (Republican incumbent) opponent, Sue Kelly, even from my eight years on Capitol Hill (which is probably part of the reason she is getting a primary challenge.)  But I do know Jeff.

What makes him different?  He is running as unabashedly Republican and gay.  His campaign alone is a mark of courage.  He is also smart, well-spoken and very personable.  (It doesn't hurt that he is as cute as a button!)  Would that there were hundreds more Jeff Cooks nationwide.

In an article in The Hill ("Gay Republican will challenge Rep. Kelly in primary in N.Y.-19"), Jeff elaborated on why he is running:

“I have become really concerned in the last couple of years about the direction of some of the leaders in our party,” Cook said. “If the Republican Party is unwilling … to stand up to the trappings and the temptations of big government, then who will? We’ve got to have a dividing line. There’s got to be a party to stand up for the taxpayer.”

Alluding to former Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork’s book Slouching Towards Gomorrah, Cook warned that the country is “slouching towards larger and larger government.”

Good luck, Jeff!

A Bitch of a Sister

I hope to God that Rita, already a tragedy, doesn't turn into a replay of Katrina.

But I am prone to start thinking that major disasters strike every time I fly home from overseas.  (Rita is scheduled to make landfall about the time I get on my plane tomorrow; Katrina hit as I was on my way back from Beijing.)

Classic Doublespeak

Let me see if I can wrap my brain around this:

A Sept. 11 memorial that is limited to commemorating the events of that terrible, historic day somehow wouldn't "stand the test of time."

Pop Quiz: Do you remember December 7, 1941?  I rest my case.

Meanwhile, Newsday's poll at that same link on the "International Freedom Center" is running about 98 percent against the PC ideologues.  [Hat tip: Robert]

Parting Shots

My schedule has not allowed me the time for as much sight-seeing (or blogging) as I would like this week.  (Now I know why the idea of a "guest blogger" is so attractive, at least someone to keep the lights on, but it all seems just too vain and insipid of me at this point.)

But before I leave Marrakech tomorrow, I wanted to offer a few more pictures.

First, I am always fascinated by differences between acceptable personal displays of affection among countries.  For instance, even though Morocco is a Muslim country, the sight of two young men holding hands, walking arm in arm, or arms inter-linked is surprisingly common.  (Click all pictures for larger view.)

I am told that young men show such affection to each other because Islam prevents them from showing it toward women until marriage.  It does beg a couple of questions: First, how much farther does the affection go behind closed doors?  And second, in how many other Islamic countries (those without such a European influence) is this common?  One suspects that Iran is not among them.

Still, it was a relatively frequent sight – certainly more so than on my last trip.

Marrakech Glances

A belly dancer two feet away, and someone's more interested in the photographer:

Here Come the Vi-queens

Wow.

If this were the Masters, the Vikings would be in danger of missing the first-round cut.

Looks like they might make a chump out of me even earlier than normal.

At least "America's Team" isn't doing much better.

Yay, I just got to pull "Je ne parle pas français" out of the holster again!

,oroccqn Co,puters Qre Aeird

The more I travel, the more I realize how lucky I am to be, by sheer accident of birth, an American.  This isn't meant to denigrate any other nationality; there are some fine ones out there.  But if you could see the hassle I am going through for a simple blog post – and how inscrutable this would be without a spell check – you'd understand.

Mine is, after all, the country that invented the Internet, and high-speed wireless routers in hotel rooms.  And we access the Internet with a keyboard that makes sense.

The trouble started yesterday.  I got on the Internet with my laptop via dial-up.  I had a 28.8 connection, which sucked but was OK enough.  By last night, the best I could manage was 14.4.  Then today, I couldn't log on at all.

So here I am in the "business center."  If your business is slaughtering goats, you're in luck.  It is about 100 degrees in here, and these computers sure aren't meant for computing.

Every single keyboard here uses a layout that baffles me, to say nothing of the ones in Arabic.  I had to do a complicated shift-caps lock maneuver even to be able to type lowercase.  But I do have to use the shift key to type digits, periods, slashes and many other things that don't ordinarily require shifting.  Various keys are simply in incorrect places on the keyboard.

For instance, I am not even bothering to replace the Q's that I consistently type when I mean to type A's (spell check will have to handle that one), and commas appear when I mean to type M's.  In fact, if Bradford had to set up his new site in Morocco, it would have turned out something like "AZEERTY."

Add on top of that the rigorous schedule I am keeping here, and blogging becomes almost untenable.  But I will try not to let the crickets chirp too loudly this week.