As mid-season replacements begin rolling out, the grandmother of them all barreled onto national television last night to bring out the joyously catty critical bastards in all of us. American Idol began it's fifth season combing my hometown, the Windy City, for the good, the awful, and the walking prozac advertisements.
Malcovision, as ever, is here to bring you all the highlights.
With controversies of Idol past in the attics of viewers' minds, Paula Abdul wasted no time at all bringing our memories down for a dusting as she eyed seventeen year old cuties Zachary Smits and David Radford the way Kirstie Alley approaches a cheese steak.
Not all contestants had the benefit of Paula's potential Hollywood harem as poor Kermit impersonator Eric Lawhon soon discovered. Simon Cowell immediately cut to the quick, noting that perhaps Eric might best spend his time as the cultural replacement to Dame Edna when that cloudy purple fixture eventually passes on to the great Filene's Basement sale in the sky.
It was a night of heartbreaks, train wrecks, and the purest form of schadenfreude as we winced, giggled, and clapped riotously at every deliciously awful audition, Springeresque confrontation, and tripped up drag performance on stage.
[Watch video – 10:17, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 10:17, WMV format, low bandwidth]