Some random observations from the boys' first round on "American Idol," along with the requisite MalcoVision clip of what I felt were the top performances (plus Bobby Bennett, sheerly for trainwreck value):
So what exactly is Paula's drug of choice this year, "Obnoxidil"? Warning: Side effects may include incessant interruption of fellow judges, excessive vulvar moistness when viewing certain male contestants, and overuse of the word "journey."
Elliott ... baby. You got awesome pipes, dawg. But when you sing, I have to close my eyes and think of Ace Young. One word of advice: orthodonture. Look into it. And then be glad the picture I used of you is with your mouth closed.
Speaking of Ace, we'll forgive Paula's moistness when it comes to him. Say it with me: Ace. Oh, Ace. When he sings "Father Figure," who doesn't want him to be their daddy? And that smoldering look he gave into the camera at the end of his performance? Please. It redefines "smolder."
Memo to Taylor Hicks: Michael McDonald called. He wants his look back. Oh, yes, and there's another message for you here someplace. Yeah, here it is: Joe Cocker called. He wants his career back.
I thought Chris and Elliott were head and shoulders above the others, with Ace close behind (and greatly assisted by the aesthetics factor). Enjoy the musicalizing.
[Watch video – 8:17, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 8:17, WMV format, low bandwidth]
(Thanks to Robbie for helping me resurrect Chris's performance, which I managed not to record.)