The Malcontent

Interspecies Marriage is Apparently OK

"Family Guy" was a little late in arriving to the gay-marriage party, 14 months after their Fox rival, "The Simpsons," married off Patty to professional golfer Veronica.

But, as always, it was worth the wait.

Brian's gay canine cousin, Jasper, brought his hairless, Filipino boyfriend to the Griffins' house, only to announce that they were engaged to be married.

Mayor Adam West, mired in a growing political scandal involving a breakfast cereal-loving frog, decides to sign a bill outlawing gay marriage as a diversionary measure.

Is it ironic that the man who played Batman – whose close relationship with Robin has inspired gay superheroes everywhere – would work to outlaw gay marriage?

I couldn't decide what to leave in and what to cut out of such a "fabulous" (sorry, Stewie) episode, so this Malcovision clip is a big, umm, longer than usual.  *COUGH*

Recommended viewing: Bill Clinton's song about what a fine day it is to be nude (6 minutes in).  Oh, and the instructional film on how to know when "you've got a gay."

[Watch video – 20:39, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 20:39, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Non-Ambiguously Funny

It may have been the equivalent of a clip show, but "Saturday Night Live" is always at its best when it features Rob Smigel's "Saturday TV Funhouse," and even better when the old clips are hosted by those ambiguously gay crime-fighters, Ace and Gary.

Two dozen of Smigel's most brilliant cartoons and films were shown on this weekend's SNL, sticking the shiv deep into everybody from Michael Jackson and Tara Reid to Disney, politicians and the Smurfs.

When Ace and Gary are picking the clips, you know there's bound to be some, uh, attention-grabbing content, such as Tom Brady in his underwear in a sexual-harassment training video or a naked Andy Samberg (with unfortunate pixelation).

I didn't bother including the clip with Samberg.  The screen grab is probably all you need to know anyway.

A couple of bits of trivia: First, Ace and Gary are voiced by "The Daily Show" alums Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell, respectively.  And second, last night I noticed for the first time that the "G" on Gary's chest resembles the "G" from Genre magazine, which is also a play on the "male" symbol: ♂.  Maybe it's coincidence, maybe not.

Enjoy the clips.

[Watch video – 17:04, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 17:04, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Colbert's Correspondents Course

There's quite a bit of political frothing over Stephen Colbert's appearance at the White House Correspondent Dinner over the weekend. The usual suspects are leaping and hooting in the trees with roughly a thousand threads saluting the courage Colbert in taking on the President. I'll simply note that when a political party's hero of the year is a comedian, that's probably a sign of nothing good.

As for the actual performance, it's good in parts, awkward and stilted in others. The Helen Thomas Terminator 2 bit goes on far too long and has been trimmed. I'm a big fan of Colbert's right-wing pundit character, often featuring him in Malcovision, but he wears thin under the strain of twenty unbroken minutes. Though he seems very much out of his element, there are a few worthwhile moments and jokes interspersed throughout.

[Watch video – 20:35, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 20:35, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Happy Gay Day

TODAY IN HISTORY (April 30): 1789 - George Washington took office as first elected U.S. president. 1803 - France agreed to sell Louisiana. 1812 - Louisiana became the 18th state in the United States. 1931 - Over 131,000 killed and as many as 9 million left homeless when cyclone struck Bangladesh. 1931 - In France, Marcel Proust published the first part of "Sodome et Gomorrhe." It included an extended essay on same-sex passion.. 1931 - The George Washington Bridge, linking New York City and New Jersey, opened. 1939 - U.S. commercial television’s first broadcast was made at the New York World’s Fair and transmitted from the Empire State Building. 1945 - Adolf Hitler and his newly married mistress Eva Braun committed suicide. 1948 - The Organization of American States was created in Bogotá, Colombia. 1955 - The first recorded "panty raids" take place, at the University of Iowa. So I am told. 1967 - Muhammad Ali was stripped of his world heavyweight boxing championship when he refused to be inducted into the U.S. military service. Ali claimed his religion conflicted with being inducted into the military. 1975 - The Vietnam War ended with South Vietnam's surrender to North Vietnam. 1976 - Demonstrators protested an appearance by Chief Justice Warren Burger in New York in response to the court's decision to uphold Virginia's sodomy law. 1983 - Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus did a benefit performance at Madison Square Garden to raise money for the Gay Men's Health Crisis, drawing 18,000 people. 1987 - The Faculty Senate of the University of Massachusetts voted to accept a report expressing opposition to the military's policy of excluding gay men and lesbians. 1989 - In Austin Texas 30,000 demonstrated to demand a repeal of Texas's sodomy laws and increased funding for AIDS services. 1990 - Gay actor Michael Booth was murdered in Ealing England. 1992 - In England, a demonstration was held at Tory headquarters to mark the anniversary of Section 28. 1993 - Monica Seles was stabbed in the back during a tennis match in Hamburg, Germany. The man called himself a fan of second- ranked Steffi Graf. He was convicted of causing grievous bodily harm and received a suspended sentence. 1996 - European Court of Justice declared discrimination against transgendered people in employment against European law. 1996 - Utah governor Mike Leavitt signed a measure banning gay clubs in public schools. 1997 - ABC aired the "coming out" episode of the sitcom "Ellen." The title character, played by Ellen DeGeneres, admitted she was a lesbian. 1999 - Gay Pride beer debuted on Massachusetts shelves. 1999 - Admiral Duncan, a gay pub in London England, was bombed, killing two people and injuring more than seventy. 2000 - The Millennium March on Washington was held. 2001 - Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her remains were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to his relationship with Levy. Born on this day: 1877 - Alice B. Toklas, in San Francisco. Toklas is best known as the lover Gertrude Stein. 1898 - Cornelius Vanderbilt 1908 - Eve Arden 1910 - "Granpda" Al Lewis 1926 - Cloris Leachman 1933 - Willie Nelson 1938 - Gary Collins 1940 - Burt Young 1944 - Jill Clayburgh 1946 - Carl XVI Gustav, King of Sweden 1948 - Perry King 1954 - Jane Campion 1961 - Isiah Thomas 1963 - Michael Waltrip 1964 - Ian Ziering 1971 - Carolyn Dawn Johnson 1973 - Jeff Timmons 1975 - Johnny Galecki 1982 - Kirsten Dunst

Taking Over Television, One Lesbian At A Time

As previously announced, the View will be earning a new co-host in Rosie O'Donnell come this September. At last night's Daytime Emmy Awards, Barbara Walters made the official announcement and formally welcomed Rosie into that hissing pit of vipers.

Far more entertaining was Ellen Degeneres' double win for Best Talk Show and Best Talk Show Host. She laughs, she jokes, she thanks and kisses her lesbian partner, Portia de Rossi, live on national television - and no one cares one little bit.

I heart Ellen.

[Watch video – 4:23, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 4:23, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Happy Gay Day, Marcia Marcia Marcia Edition

TODAY IN HISTORY (April 29): 1813 - Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.  (Always wear a raincoat!) 1852 - The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus was published. 1945 - The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally to the Allies. 1945 - American soldiers liberated the Dachau concentration camp. 1945 - In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his successor. 1968 - Hair made its way from Greenwich Village to to the Biltmore Theatre on Broadway. The show certainly opened eyes. It was the first time that actors appeared nude in a Broadway musical. 1974 - U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape recordings related to the Watergate scandal. 1975 - The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon. 1977 - Florida governor Reubin Askew urged Miami voters to repeal the new gay rights ordinance. 1980 - Speaking to 200,000 at a rally for Jesus in Washington, Pat Robertson stated that "only God Almighty is qualified to govern the affairs of man. The Congress and the President are second to us." (Us? My, someone has a high opinion of himself.) 1980 - Film director Alfred Hitchcock died at age of 80. 1986 - Pitcher Roger Clemens set a major league baseball record by striking out 20 Seattle Mariners in a regular nine-inning game. He repeated his feat in 1996. 1987 - Dallas City Council rejected the appointment of Michael Milliken, a gay man, to the Cable Access of Dallas Board after a board member questioned the moral implications of approving a gay man for the position. 1990 - The destruction of the Berlin Wall began. 1992 - A Los Angeles jury acquitted four police officers accused of beating Rodney King, which led to massive rioting and looting. 1996 - Thomas Zaremba filed a palimony suit against pianist Van Cliburn, claiming the pair had been lovers for 17 years until their relationship ended in 1994. 1997 - The first joint U.S.-Russian space walk was made by Jerry Linenger and Vasily Tsibliyev from space station Mir. 1998 - Afghanistan's Taliban militia brutally beat two soldiers who had been accused of homosexuality. Law required those convicted of sodomy to be executed by having a stone wall pushed on top of them. Born on this day: 1863 - William Randolph Hearst 1899 - Duke Ellington 1901 - Hirohito 1909 - Tom Ewell 1919 - Celeste Holm 1922 - George Allen (the football coach, not his senator son) 1932 - Gore Vidal 1933 - Singer Rod McKuen, Oakland, California. His sugary "new age" songs made him a celebrity in the late 60s. He once told an interviewer "I have had sex with men. Does that make me gay?" 1936 - Zubin Mehta 1951 - Dale Earnhardt 1954 - Jerry Seinfeld 1955 - Kate Mulgrew 1957 - Daniel Day-Lewis 1957 - Michelle Pfeiffer 1958 - Eve Plumb 1968 - Carnie Wilson 1970 - Andre Agassi 1970 - Master P 1970 - Uma Thurman

Brawl Under the Big Tent

As if the conformity mafiosi weren't bad enough with their "gay Republicans are an oxymoron" trope, there has also been a spirited battle raging in the past couple of years – mostly under the radar – within the ranks of gay conservatives, libertarians and Republicans themselves.

At the center of the big shitstorm is Log Cabin Republicans, a storm that only intensified when LCR announced in 2004 that they wouldn't endorse George Bush for President and would instead spend $1 million toward his defeat to "educate" voters on why the Federal Marriage Amendment was such a bad thing.  (For the record, I feel those decisions were fairly sensible, despite the internecine warfare and identity crisis that they were bound to precipitate.)

Perhaps as if to reinforce the sensitivity involved, LCR's press release announcing those ads is buried on their website.  Their press-release archive page begins only after that announcement was made.

The debate centers on whether Log Cabin should be primarily a gay group or a Republican one.  The head of LCR, Patrick Guerriero, planted his flag squarely in the latter camp in a December interview with The Advocate: “Are we first and foremost a Republican organization, or are we first and foremost a gay organization with a role to play inside the Republican Party? The board and I made a conscious decision on the second, and that has affected everything we have to do and continue to do.”

It's against this backdrop that LCR reached out to bloggists to cover their 2006 national convention, which is underway in Washington, D.C.  (Disclosure: I was invited to attend but am unable to travel this weekend.)  Blog-pal BoiFromTroy is filing reports, as is MeetJustin.

The convention's agenda, true to the Guerriero interview, is heavy on gay advocacy and light on issues related to ways to support and elect Republicans who are more friendly to gay causes.  This has prompted Bruce at GayPatriot, one of the most vociferous critics of Log Cabin, to issue a challenge to BoiFromTroy:

[I]f you find any actual Republicans at the Log Cabin “convention”.. please notify the media!! I’m sure you will trip over the Gay Rights Pro-Abortion Lobbyist and the Neo-Liberal-Neo-Conservative-Neo-Confused Speaker many times, though.

BFT essentially concedes the point:

While the speakers have not been Republicans (sorry Bruce) they see a potential strong ally with Gay Republicans who can certainly do some educating among the members of our party.

As usual, I think I come down somewhere in the middle on this one.

I think advocacy is extremely important: Winning hearts and minds, whether among the public or among elected officials, is indispensable.  But unlike groups such as HRC, which are at least supposed to be bipartisan and advocacy-oriented, LCR was established as a partisan, political entity supporting Republicans.  If it ceases to function as such, it might as well merge with any of the other sundry gay-rights groups out there.  (In fact, the Liberty Education Forum was established parallel to LCR to function as a non-political, 501(c)3, advocacy arm, putting LCR at risk of becoming doubly redundant.)

I do not expect Log Cabin to rush in to support people like Tom DeLay, Rick Santorum or Marilyn Musgrave, nor should they.  But as a gay man who is deeply disillusioned with the current direction of Republicans, I would feel better if Log Cabin spent more of its time and resources at helping build a better GOP: recruiting and supporting more gay and gay-friendly candidates, working harder to build bridges on Capitol Hill, and influencing the legislative process.

Log Cabin Republicans was originally established to say, "We are going to play a unique role in the gay political landscape."  Today, what they are more often saying is, "Ditto!"

Leftward GLBT Soldiers

Oh where to begin with this recent op-ed in the Washington Blade. There is the subhead, "Only three years ago, states could turn gays into felons. Will we stand by while it happens to immigrants?" Sexual privacy vs. the border integrity of a sovereign nation. They're about equivalent. When you think about it. While heavily under the influence. It degenerates from there:

As I watched the marches in Los Angeles, Phoenix, Denver and New York of immigrants from all walks of life stand up for their rights, I wondered: Where are the gay marchers?

Hopefully marching for gay causes. Not always a given, I realize, but I'm a silly optimist.

The author then goes on to explain how illegal immigrants are exactly like gay folk. There are a few good points about same-sex binational relationships and the attendant inequality in legal immigration policy, the abhorrent treatment of HIV-positive individuals in obtaining visas, and a flawed asylum system that is far harsher towards gay individuals under persecution in their home countries. These are good, solid gay issues.

However, the author's basic thrust is "Illegal immigrants are a persecuted minority, and gay people are a persecuted minority, so let's back whatever they want." There is that whole illegal bit, but the author seems unconcerned with border protection, the law, national sovereignty, the work force, social costs, and other pesky issues that interfere in the assignation of special victim status.

Of course there is the requisite left-wing fun thrown in:

Congress would still require that local police enforce complicated immigration laws and allow them to detain those whom they simply believe to be in violation. Gays know well the problems with police misconduct and brutality, particularly those of color and gay youth. [. . .] Those who despise and scapegoat immigrants have no love for gays, either. The gay rights movement needs allies. But we must be real allies to others as well and rise to the occasion. Until we are all free, none of us are free.

The police are always suspect, and if you have serious concerns about illegal immigration, you probably hate gay people, too. Impeccable logic, no? As for blinkered liberal allegiance, is NARAL not enough? We've been sucking them off for ages to absolutely staggering returns.

Furthermore, the author is aware most illegal immigrants are conservative Catholics, yes? Good luck with that.

Quote of Last Night

"Donald Trump donated 436 acres of wilderness to the state of New York but asked that the land be named after him. It's true, yeah, the park consists of 400 acres of trees, all combed over to one side." — Conan O'Brien, last night on "Late Night With Conan O'Brien"

Having The Sex Americans Won't

Josh passed along a long, interesting article on sexual behavior among the Mexican immigrant population in the American Southwest:

Ignacio doesn't consider himself gay, because he is always activo when he's with another man. Among mayates, there is one stark rule: The activo partner--or the person whom gay American men call a "top"--maintains his sense of masculinity, while the person who's being penetrated does not. And among recent Hispanic immigrants, who don't own much, manhood is a crucial possession. Mayates may think that letting another man give them a blowjob or giving anal sex to another man doesn't constitute cheating on their wives or girlfriends back in their own countries. And according to researchers who've studied male Hispanic immigrants and HIV transmission, the fact that many of them live in a small apartment to save money means that they sometimes end up having sex with one another. According to these researchers, being a mayate isn't a fixed sexual identity; it's the result of living in cramped quarters in areas of town where there aren't nearly as many women as there are other men who've just arrived from Mexico.

Contrary to queer fundamentalist rhetoric of fixed orientation at birth, increased cultural blending continues to illustrate that sexuality is a complicated construct that knows no politics and cannot be reduced to pamphleted sloganeering. What's interesting is how difficult it is for activists and health professionals to grapple with an environment not easily divided into gay and straight spheres. As culturally delineated sexual boundaries in America continue to erode under increasing sexual liberty, it will be interesting to see if there is a similar breakdown between the gay-straight divide, or if this phenomenon is restricted merely to the immigrant circumstance of a disproportionately male population.

The article is also a useful treatment of an issue politicians are not discussing about border security and illegal immigration controls: the spread of HIV among mainly rural, uneducated immigrants. The attitudes expressed by some in this piece are a chilling throwback to an age when HIV/AIDS spread almost unchecked due to ignorance of transmission methods.

Read the whole thing.

It's the Economics, Stupid

Columnist Charles Krauthammer reveals the shocking truth behind the skyrocketing gasoline prices.

It's ... SUPPLY AND DEMAND!

Actually, he ticks off a number of interesting underlying factors that have restricted supply and increased demand to their current extremes: among them, the American public's intransigence, the boom in China and India, environmentalists, and Iowa farmers.

Give it a read, especially if you sit around all day scapegoating the oil companies.

Quote of the Morning

"Poor bastard took it better than a gay porn star. ... Wait, he did take it from a gay porn star." — Rep. Linda Sanchez, (D-CA) on Scott McClellan (from "DC's Funniest Celebrity" contest, as quoted by The Hotline, sub. req.)

Rosie To Be New "View" Co-Host

The Malcontent and Queerty's campaign pays off.  Call me, Rosie, so I can tell you where to send the 10 percent.

[h/t Andy]

Happy Gay Day, Lords of Kobol Edition

TODAY IN HISTORY (April 28): 1788 - Maryland became the 7th state in the United States. 1789 - Fletcher Christian led the mutiny aboard the British ship Bounty against Captain William Bligh. 1945 - Benito Mussolini was executed. 1947 - Thor Heyerdahl and five others began their Pacific Ocean crossing on the raft, Kon-Tiki. 1967 - Muhammad Ali, the former Cassius Clay, refused induction into the U.S. Army. Critics and supporters spent years discussing the boxing champ’s refusal to serve in the armed forces. In fact, Ali’s world heavyweight crown was later taken away from him as a result of his actions, which he said were based on religious grounds. 1981 - Marilyn Barnett filed a palimony suit against tennis player Billie Jean King, claiming the two had a seven-year relationship. 1989 - While being questioned in a security check, Col. Margarethe Cammermeyer acknowledged to DIS Agent Brent Troutman that she was a lesbian. She would become the highest ranking person to be discharged from the US military because of homosexuality. 1989 - British artist Francis Bacon died of a heart-attack in Madrid. 1990 - Queer Nation stages its first public action. Almost 500 members of the recently formed organization march in Greenwich Village in protest of a pipe bomb attack on a local gay bar. 1992 - The Santa Cruz city council passed an extensive protection ordinance. 1992 - The U.S. Dept. of Agriculture unveiled its first “food pyramid.” 1997 - Michael Allen, a gay man, was beaten to death with a hammer by two of his tenants. The two suspects, Brad Chesnel and Leroy Tomah, blamed each other. Both were convicted in Feb. 1998. Born on this day: 1758 - James Monroe 1878 - Lionel Barrymore 1921 - Rowland Evans 1926 - Harper Lee 1926 - Blossom Dearie 1929 - Gay journalist John Paul Hudson. He is one of the first gay writers to take up gay rights and become involved in the media. He wrote for the periodical Gay in 1969, the Advocate in 1970 and contributed to David, Gaysweek, News West, Flash and Vector. A tireless activist he is credited with being one of the founders of the gay rights movement that grew out of the Stonewall riots. 1937 - Saddam Hussein (Happy Birthday, motherfucker!) 1941 - Ann-Margret 1945 - My dick of a father – who knew that he and Saddam are simpatico? 1948 - Marcia Strassman ("Welcome Back, Kotter," "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids") 1949 - Bruno Kirby 1950 - Jay Leno 1953 - Mary McDonnell 1974 - Penelope Cruz 1981 - Jessica Alba

Gimme My Special Rights!

Gay Americans are quite rightly engaged in a historic battle for our rights.  It is unconscionable that we should be denied legal status for our families in most places, or the ability in some states to adopt children – or, as of July 2004 in Virginia, to enter into private contracts that are even remotely reminiscent of the appurtenances of marriage.

But even as we demand these rights, we consistently slip on a banana peel that we ourselves have tossed carelessly onto the kitchen floor.  We play into the hands of those who fear that we want not equitable treatment, but "special" rights.  In fact, we often give our foes more than ample reason to conflate our desire for equality with homo-favoritism.

Case in point.  Two, actually.

A 17-year-old student from Trumansburg, N.Y., was kicked out of school for wearing a T-shirt protesting yesterday's Day of Silence, which is meant to draw attention to the bullying and harassment of gay students.  (He was followed out the door by several others.)  And what was this hateful, intolerable message on his chest, this unforgivable offense that the superintendent said was making other students feel "threatened"?

"It's Great To Be Straight."

Life Is a Gay Highway

In his series Better Know a District, Stephen Colbert takes on Republican Congressman Phil Gingrey, successor of Newt. As always, Colbert quietly mocks his way through the interview using gay marriage and adoption as bait, leading his unsuspecting prey into a heavily homoerotic trap.

Interviews like these prove the old adage that there is little more effective in ridiculing a politician than simply letting him speak.

[Watch video – 6:50, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:50, WMV format, low bandwidth]

ManBearPig

Sometimes I think "South Park" is getting so bizarre that it will soon resemble its first season about as much as Kenny Rogers today resembles Kenny Rogers from 20 years ago.

Their effort to bring back Towelie last week in a James Frey parody was a painful face-plant of an episode.  While last night's show was funnier, it was no less perplexing.  Follow this, if you can:

The boys run into former Vice President Al Gore, now totally friendless, who has ditched his obsession with global warming in order to relentlessly pursue, Captain Ahab-like, a creature known only as ManBearPig.  The hunt takes them to the "Cave of the Winds," which could just as easily be called the "Cave of the Mistaken Penises."  There is a rock slide, and the boys are trapped.  And at some point, Cartman begins shitting copious quantities of lost treasure.

Really, I'm being totally serial!

I'm not sure how much it helps to see it for yourself, but I thought that at least the cave bit was funny.

[Watch video – 2:59, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 2:59, WMV format, low bandwidth]

[Bonus site: MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com]

Yamin?! Yeah, Man

"American Idol" viewers have finally confounded the heretofore peerless dialidol.com, giving Kellie "I'm a mink!" Pickler the heave-ho, rather than Paris Bennett.  (There is a God!)

Katharine McPhee joined Chris Daughtry as one of the top-two vote-getters, despite dialidol.com's prediction that she would end up in no better than third place.

Meanwhile, bloggist Kenneth Hill goes out on a limb, predicting an upset victory by the sheep-vibratoed Elliott Yamin.

Turns out, the limb he's on belongs to the ugly tree, and Elliott hit every branch on the way down.  I don't think Elliott has quite made the physical transformation that Kenneth sees (his "cute factor"?), although there have been improvements, especially dentally.  But I don't know how you fix the way Elliott goes cock-eyed every time he grins.

Money quote from Kenneth on Paula's bizarre crying jag after Elliott sang on Tuesday:

She's so sensitive at the moment, I think she must feel air molecules colliding with her skin.

Has there ever been a potential "Idol" outcome so up in the air with five contestants left?  Has it ever been so possible to care less?

By the way, did y'all catch the sadder acoustic version of Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" during Kellie's highlights montage video?  Does that mean Chris will get a death-metal version when he gets voted off?

Icon in Decline

Sad news today that screen legend and humanitarian Elizabeth Taylor, 74, might be near death.  She was diagnosed in 2004 with congestive heart failure after a lifetime of ill health.

Taylor has already raised more than $50 million for AIDS-related causes, and it sounds as if her immense generosity won't end with her death:

"She's not leaving a lot of money to her children. She wants the bulk of her fortune to go to AIDS research."

Classy lady.  While many will always remember her for her timeless beauty, it's her beautiful soul that has made a more meaningful impact.

Happy Gay Day, Shiny Happy Edition

TODAY IN HISTORY (April 27): 1865 - The worst steamship disaster in the history of the United States occurred when there was an explosion aboard the Sultana; more than 1,400 people were killed. 1953 - President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed executive order 10450, making homosexuality grounds for exclusion from federal employment. 1956 - Rocky Marciano retired as undefeated world heavyweight boxing champion. 1961 - Sierra Leone gained independence from Great Britain. 1972 - FBI director J. Edgar Hoover testified before Congress that there are no homosexuals in the bureau. 1973 - In New York City, police arrested demonstrators who were gathered in support of a gay rights bill. 1978 - John Argue, a swimming instructor with Toronto Board of Education, is fired from his job at public school because he is gay. Argue later becomes active in the New Democratic Party and is instrumental in the addition of sexuality to the Human Rights Code. 1983 - NBC Nightly News announced that the retrovirus HTLV-III might be the cause of AIDS. 1983 - Pitcher Nolan Ryan surpassed Walter Johnson’s strikeout record—one that had held since 1927. 1987 - Dignity/USA ran an ad in Newsweek magazine to protest the Vatican's decision to evict all Dignity chapters from the Catholic churches in which they had been holding services. 1990 - Three people were injured in a pipe bomb attack on a gay bar in Greenwich Village. Born on this day: 1791 - Samuel Morse 1822 - Ulysses S. Grant 1900 - Walter Lantz ("Woody Woodpecker" creator) 1922 - Jack Klugman 1927 - Coretta Scott King 1932 - Anouk Aimée 1932 - Casey Kasem 1937 - Sandy Dennis 1939 - Judy Carne ("Laugh In") 1948 - Kate Pierson (B-52's) 1951 - Ace Frehley (KISS) 1952 - George Gervin (NBA Star, "The Iceman") 1959 - Sheena Easton

Mal's Space

I have been reading some articles lately and have learned that, in the future, we will all be judged not by the color of our skin, but by the content of our page on MySpace.com.

I went and designed me one of them-there things (although I use "design" in the loosest possible sense), but it wasn't until I read The PEN15 Club today that it even occurred to me to go grubbing for "friends."

So I'm grubbing away.  Validate me.  Love me.  If not me, then love Bubbles.  Or Robbie.  They're both cuter than me anyway.

Then someone please explain to me what all the fuss is about.

[Mal's MySpace page]

Weepin' Wilbur

Imagine a locomotive a mere mile from the station, just ready to pull in at the close of a long journey. Now imagine that locomotive plowing into three dozen cars at the final crossing with flaming human wreckage everywhere. This is how we know we're watching the late stages of American Idol.

St. Katharine of the Mammary proves some Whitney songs need more intravenous crack than others. Smurf-hobbit hybrid, Elliot Yamin, sings with enough vibrato to imperil the Brooklyn Bridge. Kellie Pickler threatens a broken high-note that, if rendered in a barn, would have the pickled trailer whore vanishing in the resulting stampede. Chris sings a song that reminded us of that wretched film where a ten ton Marlon Brando rolled around in bed with Faye Dunaway. No. Never. Some memories need never be dredged.

None of this stopped a moist, stomping Paula from whinnying for more and breaking down under the onslaught. She claps, she sobs, she looks for the oat bucket. It's always the god awful shows we savor most.

[Watch video – 9:51, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 9:51, WMV format, low bandwidth]

A Taylor-Made Idol?

I think Robbie might bring some "American Idol" highlights today – including a Paula montage that will showcase her mysterious blubbering after Elliott's performance, and stomping her feet after Chris sang like a horse that knows how to do math.

But I wanted to provide the latest dialidol.com update:  It shows Kellie and Paris battling it out for the bottom spot, with Paris the one who will be going home.  It continues to baffle me how Americans are so mesmerized by the ditzy, daffy blonde that they simply can't hear her terrible singing.  I've heard racist jokes that were less off-key than she was the past two weeks.

Meanwhile, Taylor continues to have a very slight edge on Chris for first place, with Elliott not far behind.

If that spastic freak wins, I think I will finally be cured of my "Idol" addiction.

Quote of the Day

"You know, I think that I ... you'll have to ask him or his office." — Sen. Hillary Clinton, when asked why her husband's new Smithsonian portrait shows the former president with no wedding ring

Happy Gay Day

TODAY IN HISTORY (April 26):

1757 - Paulus Hicken van Amsterdam was acquitted of seduction to sodomy in Frisia Netherlands.

1865 - John Wilkes Booth, Lincoln’s assassin, was surrounded by federal troops in a barn in Virginia. He was shot and killed, either by the soldiers or by his own hand.

1937 - The German Luftwaffe (air force) destroyed the Spanish town of Guernica.

1964 - The Rolling Stones released their first album, The Rolling Stones.

1975 - The Colorado Attorney General ruled that same-sex marriages were illegal and ordered Clela Rorex of Boulder to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

1977 - Studio 54 opened in New York.

1980 - CBS Reports aired "Gay Power, Gay Politics" hosted by Harry Reasoner. It resulted in openly gay reporter Randy Alfred presenting a 9,000 word complaint with the National News Council, accusing CBS of biased and potentially harmful journalism. Producer George Crile had presented S&M as an activity so dangerous that there were S&M parlors which had doctors and nurses on duty, and interviewed a man who claimed that it was the sort of thing that everyone who was gay participated in. San Francisco journalist Phil Bronstein recognized the torture chamber as The Chateau, which was exclusively heterosexual. San Francisco mayor Diane Feinstein wrote a scathing letter to KPIX, saying it was unfair to present glory holes, bathhouses, S&M, sex in parks and toilets as typical of the gay experience.

1980 - Maureen Reagan addressed a group of gay Republicans in Los Angeles, telling them her father Ronald Reagan believes in fair play.

1986 - The worst nuclear power plant accident in history occurred at Chernobyl, near Kiev, U.S.S.R.

1993 - The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum opened in Washington D.C. Despite efforts to include gays, the difficulty museum officials faced in finding and authenticating materials kept the gay displays to a minimum. Most of the difficulty stemmed from the need for gay concentration camp victims to destroy evidence of why they had been imprisoned.

1994 - Gay youth testified before the Philadelphia Board of Education about harassment and violence they had experienced because of their sexual orientation.

1994 - The first multi-racial elections were held in South Africa.

Born on this day:

1785 - John James Audubon
1886 - Gertrude "Ma" Rainey, African American blues singer
1917 - I.M. Pei
1933 - Carol Burnett
1938 - Duane Eddy
1942 - Bobby Rydell
1944 - Giorgio Moroder
1947 - Donna De Varona
1960 - Roger Taylor (Duran Duran)
1962 - Michael Damian
1963 - Jet Li
1967 - Kane
1970 - Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins
1982 - Jon Lee
1983 - Jessica Lynch

Gratuitousness

I know we have been a bit skin-deficient around here lately, at least, as far as political blogs go.  Let's face it, we're no Made In Brazil, Oh La La Paris or Fleshbot.  Hell, we'd even make a piss-poor Rod 2.0.

But I just had to share a spread from the May issue of Out magazine.

Look, I don't know who this Yves Saint Laurent person is, and I don't much care.  And I couldn't tell his summer collection from a stamp collection.

All I know is, I'm all for fashion that consists of, well, pretty much no clothing whatsoever.

I'm serious.  Can someone explain this to me?

Hot Scott Pic of the Game - April 25th

You know you've missed him.

Federal Censorship Commission

Looks like we're about to get five more years of theocratic rule at the FCC:

The President intends to nominate Kevin J. Martin, of North Carolina, to be a Commissioner of the Federal Communications Commission, for an additional five-year term expiring June 30, 2011. Upon appointment, he will be redesignated Chairman. Mr. Martin currently serves as Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission.

Afternoon Soap Snack

Leaving the television on mute in the afternoon while working rarely yields anything of quality, but occasionally the video gods are kind.

What is going on in these All My Children scenes, I couldn't tell you. Who these characters are, I cannot say. One of the actors is apparently model Justin Bruening.

None of this is important. What is relevant is two built, muscley, shirtless, sweaty men playing basketball and threatening to strangle one another.

I thought the magically appearing chest sweat after commercial break was a nice touch.

[Watch video – 2:01, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 2:01, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Acro-Nimwits

I'm sorry, but this is just fucking retarded:

"As more LGBTQ [lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual, queer] people have children, there is an inherent tension between preserving that adult community and shifting towards a culture that includes children - and in some ways that means altering the meaning of the Castro to include the needs of children."

I don't mean that what's happening to the Castro is retarded, but what's happening to our language.

I know I've used "GLBT" before, but I'm more than a little concerned that the activists are Balkanizing us by acronym.  We really must stop looking for differences between us, or inventing new ones.  (Listen up, Mike Rogers!)

Apparently feeling that no letter of the alphabet should go unused, some of the more militant among us are even trying to elbow "LGBTQQIP" into the vernacular.  Is anyone aware of even longer acronyms?  (There is even a subtle and objectionable statement of political correctness in putting the "L" in "LGBT" first, even though there are roughly twice as many gay as lesbians.)

As an American, I have internalized the "Melting Pot" from a very early age.  I am always more interested in that which unites, rather than divides, us.

So from now on, when I mean "gays," I will say "gays."  When I mean "lesbians," I will say "lesbians."  When I mean "bisexual" or "transgendered," I will say "bisexual" or "transgendered."  And if I slip up, please sic the language cops on me!

Four Wicked Step-Sisters

It is the gay fairytale that dare not speak its name, and parents are pissed:

A grouchy queen tells her lazy prince-son that it’s time he thought about marriage. "Very well, Mother," he replies, "I must say, though, I’ve never cared much for princesses."

And this, dear readers, is exactly the conversation a newly out gay man has with his older gay friends. That swamp of subtext aside . . .

It leads to a fictional royal gay marriage in the fanciful children’s book King & King, written and authored by Dutch collaborators Linda de Haan and Stern Nijland, and the source of a bitter battle in Lexington Massachusetts - where on March 24th at Estabrook Elementary School, Heather Kramer cracked open the colorful book and read it to her second grade class.

You just knew the Dutch were behind this. There being quite a bit of controversy surrounding the book, a subject as sensitive as this requires thoughtful, nuanced debate by learned, trusted figures of national stature.

In that spirit, I bring you the King and King controversy, as explained by the View women.

[Watch video – 4:33, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 4:33, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Drive-By Blogging

Miserable old troll Mike Rogers, the Abu Musab al-Zarqawi of the gay blogosphere, is up to his old tricks.  I'm not sure what to call it anymore, because it isn't really even an "outing" campaign: His latest victim was never "in."  (And no, Mike, it isn't "reporting."  Your partisan hackery is a brown santorum stain on real journalists everywhere.)

The case for the prosecution this time seems to be that his target works for a guy who doesn't want the international community to be associated with a group that has had past ties to pedophiles, and he's also supposedly a bit brusque – according to a hard-left New York publication, that is.  Rogers apparently hasn't worked with many PR folks before.

Mike Rogers eats up to three square meals a day.  Meanwhile, 842 million innocent people are starving around the globe.

There truly is no justice in this world.

Happy Gay Day

TODAY IN HISTORY (April 25):

1901 - New York became the first state to require license plates on cars.

1928 - The first seeing eye dog was presented to Morris S. Frank.

1956 - Elvis Presley's Heartbreak Hotel went to No. 1.

1959 - The St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping.

1978 - St. Paul, Minnesota votes to repeal its four-year old gay-rights ordinance by a margin of 2-1.

1977 - McDonalds sought an injunction forbidding Bob Brandon, a former "Ronald McDonald" who had recently come out, from dressing as Ronald McDonald or implying that Ronald McDonald is homosexual.

1978 - Inspired by the repeal of Miami's gay rights ordinance, voters in St. Paul Minnesota voted to repeal their gay rights law by a two-to-one margin.

1979 - Jury selection began in the trial of former police officer and city supervisor Dan White, who killed San Francisco mayor George Moscone and out gay city supervisor Harvey Milk. Among those selected was a retired police officer who was a friend of White's uncle. City police officers had contributed $100,000 to White's defense fund.

1989 - The Advocate ran a cover story titled "Married with Boyfriend" which denied the existence of bisexuals and suggested that all polyamorous relationships are sick.

1990 - Violeta Barrios de Chamorro was inaugurated as president of Nicaragua.

1993 - The third March on Washington for GLB rights was held, with an estimated 750,000 attending.

2002 - In Honduras, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes (TLC) was killed in a car crash.

2003 - Sinead O'Connor announced on her Web site that she was going to retire.

Born on this day:

1908 - Edward R. Murrow
1918 - Ella Fitzgerald
1930 - Paul Mazursky
1932 - Meadowlark Lemon
1940 - Al Pacino
1945 - Stu Cook
1945 - Björn Ulvaeus (ABBA)
1946 - Talia Shire
1964 - Hank Azaria
1964 - Andy Bell
1969 - Renée Zellweger
1970 - Jason Lee
1980 - Jacob Underwood
1983 - Toby.  I own condiments that are older than him.

Sir Elton Visits Lady Ellen

I'm afraid at some point we'll need to discuss his shoes and debate the merits of whether or not an intervention needs to be happening.

Adidas of Great Hideousness aside, Elton John dropped by Ellen today to discuss the legalities of gay marriage in Britain and the resulting wedding and domestic bliss with new husband David Furnish. The audience was also treated to a small clip of his upcoming musical, Lestat