The Malcontent

Winners: A Million Brokebacks Later

OK, I have settled on a prize for Michael from Knoxville, Tenn., our One Millionth Visitor here at The Malcontent.  Actually, it's a two-parter.

Michael will receive a $200 gift certificate from Amazon.com, but he will also receive an amplified "voice."  I had decided to give the winner one year with a prominent link on The Malcontent to any site of his/her choosing, whether that be a blog, a political candidate, or a favorite cause, as long as it wasn't a hate site or objectionable as deemed by my own subjective criteria.

Michael has chosen "antiwar.com," which seems to be a coalescing point for extreme isolationist views from both the left and right.  While a quick glance yielded article after article with which I vehemently disagree, I'm not calling the shots here.  Congrats to Michael and to antiwar.com, and thanks once again to all of our readers.  Robbie and I feel very lucky to be part of such a great virtual community.

As for our other recent contest, find out "Who's the Brokeback-est of Them All" after the jump ...

Get Your Entries In

Remember, our "Most Obsessed Brokeback Mountain Fan" contest ends Tuesday night (April 4) at midnight Eastern time!

Willie ♥s Cowboys Who ♥ Willies

A week after debuting Rufus Wainwright's Brokeback-related song, Logo's "NewNowNext" premiered a video that's a little more closely related to the subject matter.

Willie Nelson's "Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly (Fond of Each Other)," which hit iTunes on Valentine's Day, is now a delightfully campy music video.

The premise is a "video within a video," with hot cowboy line dancers under Willie's watchful eye and directed by a strangely swishy Burt Reynolds.  (I smell yet another career resurgence for the toupeed one.)

But damn Logo for keeping that idiotic "TV-PG" disclaimer over Burt's face for far too long at the beginning!  It's bad enough that the censorious prigs in our nation made the networks adopt the TV ratings system in the first place, but they really don't have to piss all over artistic integrity in the process.

Once again, the high-res version is in double the normal MalcoVision resolution.

[Watch video – 5:39, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 5:39, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Who's the Brokeback-est of Them All?

As we mentioned a few days ago, Brokeback Mountain comes out on DVD on April 4, even while it is still taking in strong box-office returns.

The distributors have offered us an as-of-yet undetermined number of DVDs, so we thought we would hold a contest to give them away, in recognition of how many rabid Brokeback fans are among our readership.  (It might also have to suffice as a lame way of saying "thanks" when we hit our 1 millionth visit, if I can't think of anything else.)

So here's the deal:

Tell us your true story about how big a Brokeback fan you are.  It can be funny, it can be moving, it can be about how the movie has inspired you, or how you have used it to change the minds of those around you.  Maybe you're such a lunatic that you camped in a tent to be first in line.  Or maybe you met your boyfriend at a Sunday matinee.

The best stories, as determined by Boy Robbie and myself (and perhaps a handful of other readers if we find ourselves in eye-gouging disagreement), will win however many DVDs we have to give away.  It's as easy as that.

So write your stories directly in the comments section of this post.  Or if you'd rather, email them to us.  (If you email, however, you're consenting to having it published when we announce the winners.)

Try to keep them short, say, no more than 400 words or so.  I won't be a bitch about limits, but be warned that you'll get points off if our eyes glaze over.  The deadline for entries is midnight Eastern Daylight Time (not E.S.T.) on Tuesday, April 4, the day of the DVD's release.  Winners will be announced ASAP afterward.

Good luck, and may the most obsessed fan win!

UPDATE: We will have two copies of the DVD to give away.  If you don't win, I'm sure Andy Towle will have thousands of his own.  :-)

New Rufus

Rufus Wainwright's video for "The Maker Makes" from the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack debuted at midnight last night on Logo's "NewNowNext."

The haunting song about longing in the face of divine ambivalence is juxtaposed with images from the movie, along with simple visuals of Wainwright at a piano, and in close-up against monotone black and white backgrounds.  In a brief interview segment before the video, Wainwright explains that the song is as much about the nation's current political climate as it is a commentary on the characters in Brokeback.

The high-res version is sampled at twice the normal bitrate.  Enjoy.  [Thanks, Celeste!]

[Watch video – 5:02, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 5:02, WMV format, low bandwidth]

If Ya Can't Bribe It, Ya Gotta Elect It

How deeply has Brokeback Mountain penetrated every level of American culture?

Lori tipped us off to this attack ad being run on local television by the Guy Drexington campaign in Georgia. His opponent for state insurance commissioner, John Oxendine, just can't quit Big Insurance and HMOs.

Entitled "Greenback Mountain," sheep, spanking, and satirical content abound.

[Watch video – 0:31, WMV format]

A Twist on Twist

Carlos Mencia was late to the Brokeback Mountain parody sweepstakes, his Comedy Central show "Mind of Mencia" having had its second-season premiere only last night.

But his entrant was, in my opinion, well worth waiting for.

Starring in the Jack Twist role was "Saved By the Bell" alum Mario Lopez, whom I've wanted to bag since, oh, I was probably barely more legal than he was.  (His quickly annulled marriage to Ali Landry has always made me wonder if some lucky guy might have had a chance.)

He and Mencia are co-workers in a boring office who quickly hit it off.  Soon they are taking trips to the mountains together to ... well, you have to see it for yourself.

[Watch video – 4:10, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 4:10, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Brokeback Galloping to DVD

What should land in my e-mail today, but the press release heralding the upcoming DVD of Brokeback Mountain.

Academy Award nominees Heath Ledger (The Patriot, Lords of Dogtown) and Jake Gyllenhaal** (Jarhead, Donnie Darko) star in the seminal film, Brokeback Mountain, the sweeping epic of two men who forge an intense, secretive bond, available on DVD from Universal Studios Home Entertainment April 4, 2006.  Ang Lee’s (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) skillfully nuanced direction, which earned him an Academy Award®, shapes Brokeback Mountain into a landmark story that is powerfully affecting. Also starring Academy Award® nominee for Best Supporting Actress Michelle Williams (The Station Agent, Prozac Nation) and Anne Hathaway (Princess Diaries, Ella Enchanted), this must-own DVD unfolds against the raw beauty and splendor of the American West.

Given the rapid turnover from big screen to home theater, there seems to be little in the way of extras.

• On Being A Cowboy
• Directing From the Heart: Ang Lee
• From Script to Screen: Interviews with Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana
• Sharing the Story: The Making of Brokeback Mountain

We expect there will be supplemental features in a more extensive, later release. Still, if you're jonesing for your next Brokeback fix, you can head on over to Amazon and hope they update the pre-order page in the near future.

Purg-ing the Airwaves

Purgason: Billy of the Hills

An obscure Missouri state senator, previously known for trying to take away prosthetic limbs and wheelchairs from the disabled, kicked up a bit of a fuss last week by suggesting legislation that would prevent cable TV companies in his state from airing Brokeback Mountain.

Chuck Purgason is an Ozarks-born farmer who runs a cow/calf operation near Caulfield, Mo.  Many movies that came before Brokeback escaped the his eagle eye.  But this time, it's personal:

“I feel cowboys across the nation have been put into a bit of a poor light,” Purgason said.

Purgason later withdrew the amendment, saying he was only joking. Sort of. “I do think they have been put in a bad light,” he said.

Purgason has a long career in both houses of the Missouri legislature, but the achievement he is most proud of was getting a free bowl of soup with that haircut.

If you'd care to offer other things Mr. Purgason might care to legislate, you can email him at chuck.purgason@senate.mo.gov, or call his office at 573-751-1882.  Or offer them here in the comments section.  [Thanks, Celeste!]

Brokeback Bitching

Annie, sweetie, honey, darling. Sometimes it really is best to just step away from the bitter.

Though, phrases like "gold-coated gelded godlings" and "The hours sped by on wings of boiler plate," do earn you my undying affection.

h/t Pen15 Club

Black Sheep Brokebacked

The pervasive influence of gay shepherds rampages unchecked through culture. Just like Pat Robertson predicted!

A childcare centre in Britain is teaching children to sing Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep rather than Baa Baa Black Sheep to avoid causing offence . . . Stuart Chamberlain, the Sure Start centre's manager, said: "No one should feel pointed out because of their race, gender or anything else.

I'd like to say that article is the first time I've ever set eyes on a rainbow herd, but I used to travel through a lot of strange Scottish areas while living in Britain.

My Farmer's Not Gay, Is Yours?

Others have noted The New York Times' laughably tardy foray yesterday into reporting on real-life women whose husbands later come out as gay, a la Brokeback Mountain.

But as an alert reader pointed out, there was a curiously gay-unfriendly reference near the top of the article.  After relating the story of Amy Jo Remmele, a rural Minnesota woman who was divorced from her husband after she discovered his Gay.com profile, reporter Katy Butler then includes this seemingly gratuitous line:

"Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans — is one of an estimated 1.7 million to 3.4 million American women who once were or are now married to men who have sex with men."

If Ms. Butler doesn't toe the Times' GLBT line a little more carefully, she could find herself yanked from the Old Pink Lady's gay beat.

I suppose it's germane that Mrs. Remmele is now remarried, but that bit about "a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans"?  Are we to think that she is somehow less likely to wind up with a gay man because her hubby is some strapping pastoralist stereotype who's out bucking bales of hay every day?  Perhaps she could have made her point more clearly by writing: "Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who puts his penis into her vagina every day ..."

Obviously, Ms. Butler didn't see Brokeback Mountain, because if it taught us nothing else, it was that cowboys are all humping each other like ferrets.

[Note: There is at least a thin mist of sarcasm hovering over this post.]

Oscar Clippings: Music

While admittedly difficult to imagine the thought process behind the Academy awarding a rap song about pimping, it is somewhat amusing to think of aging white folk casting ballots to convince the rest of the world they're so terribly hip. Not to mention Jordan's comment immediately afterwards, "I've never seen camerapeople scramble that fast to find all the black people in the audience."

That aside, the biggest requests I've received when it comes to Oscar music are Dolly Parton's incomparable performance of Travelin' Thru for Transamerica and the medley of Best Score nominees, performed by Itzhak Perlman. Naturally, a segment of "The Wings" from Brokeback Mountain is included.

Dolly's Performance

[Watch video – 3:49, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 3:49, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Best Score Medley

[Watch video – 4:00, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 4:00, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Note: If you're wondering about the pixelated block that appears briefly at the top of the medley video, I'd inadvertantly left my Caller ID turned on while recording last night. Someone called me, and I had to have Mal scrub out the number from the video. Sorry about that.

Oscar Clippings: Brokeback

Very slim pickings in this category, as the gay film of the year drowned in snubsville. When the vistas of Alberta, Canada lost out to Memoirs of a Geisha in cinematography, it was a foregone conclusion the rompin, stompin cowboys weren't going to be on the business end of Hollywood love. They were on the business end of another sort of "affection."

Still, there were moments, from the red carpet, to the western montage, to the three wins that salvaged the night ever so barely.

So, here I present to you the most relevant Brokeback Mountain related highlights of the evening.

[Watch video – 9:47, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 9:47, WMV format, low bandwidth]

The Sound of Rutting

Whether Brokeback Mountain wins big tonight or flames out (as it were), we will always have Annie Proulx's wonderful novella on which the film was based.

But if you're like me and find that whole reading thing to be – in George Bush's words – "hard work," then AOL Gay & Lesbian is offering a free download of the audio version of the story, as read by Campbell Scott.

Entertainment, Tonight

All those trips to East Hampton, and I never knew that we had been in the presence of a piece of kitsch history.

The husband has turned me onto the phenomenon known as "Grey Gardens."  Originally an acclaimed documentary about a pair of eccentric (to put it mildly) ladies who were related to Jackie O, and now in production as a movie to star Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange, it has also inspired an Off-Broadway musical that has been even harder to get tickets to than "Wicked."  (Really.)

Well, we did manage to get tickets, but they are for tonight.  Oscar night.  So I present for your reading pleasure a selected mix of sites that will be providing ample live-blogging snark for the Oscars:

First, there are my eternal lovers at The Pen15 Club.  Bookmark these guys, now.

And then there are the rest:

LA Weekly's Deadline Hollywood Daily

Entertainment Weekly's Popwatch

PAJAMASMEDIA's team coverage

The indispensable, fantastical Cinematical

Robertik's Oscar fashion snark forum

Popbytes

If you're aware of any others worth mentioning, let me know.

Attacking Agendas He's Never Seen

Who's seen Brokeback Mountain? Apparently no one on cable news, which means Stephen Colbert hasn't seen it either . . . he thinks.

It's a topsy turvy world, as the homo sapien agenda turns nature on her head.

[Watch video – 4:52, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 4:52, WMV format, low bandwidth]

It Was Inevitable

Brokeback Mountain, as re-enacted by bunnies in thirty seconds.

So It Begins

With a scant few days to go until Oscar, the speculation and "What are the many implications of life and/or playing gay in Hollywood films?" pieces are coming fast and furious on every news bit, entertainment clip, and syndicated show that ever spent several weeks discussing Lindsay Lohan's penchant for Santa Monica demolition derbies.

MTV - known primarily for celebrating diversity by cramming every tenth homosexual on the planet into a Road Rules challenge - recently highlighted the LGBT entries you may or may not be rooting for come Sunday night.

[Watch video – 3:13, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 3:13, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Soupy Gayness

There's gotta be something very meta about doing highlights from a show that itself is about highlights.  But such are the posers we like to kick around here at The Malcontent.

The most recent edition of "The Soup" on E! followed the lead of the gay blogosphere with a round-up of all things "Brokeback."  You'll probably already recognize some of the clips from MalcoVision.

Then the talk turned to "balls" and "7-inch diameters," so how I could not include that too?

[Watch video – 3:04, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 3:04, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Straddling the One-Note Pony

Need an indication of how deeply rough and tumble gay cowboys have penetrated American pop culture? Look no further than America's highest rated television show, American Idol. (that's a lot of America)

Faux movie trailers, some of the most effete men to ever don boots, and a song choice that nudges combustion, the gay cowboy is here, he's queer . . . and he apparently can't sing to save the ranch.

I had meant to post this yesterday, but obviously I spent all my free time ogling hot, Italian figure skaters and snowcross cuties. I do have priorities, you know.

[Watch video – 6:08, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:08, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Your Daily Brokeback

Guess what?  It's another "Brokeback Mountain" day here, of sorts.  I'm sure the cheers and jeers are flying in roughly equal measure right now.  (Didn't I do a post a while back about being "Brokebacked out"?)

This post is a three-fer from me, and then Robbie says we should expect one from him later today.  (I should warn you that much of this is NSFW.)

First up is last night's "Drawn Together" on Comedy Central.  The "Malcon-noisseurs" among you know that I follow the show and have about as unhealthy an obsession with Xandir as one can have with a cartoon character.

"Drawn" is known for regularly going gay, with storylines that have included the gay marriage of Xandir and Spanky Ham, the Internet download pig.

This time it was Captain Hero who was vying for Xandir's affections.  Hero showed up in the poorly conceived guise of "Tim Tommerson" as a way of exploring his own possible gay tendencies.  And how the hot cartoon love did commence.

[Watch video – 8:38, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 8:38, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Next is the latest moment of gay zen from Howard Stern, who has been having a lot of them lately. 

I know my sense of humor probably runs a wider gamut from high-brow to low-brow than most people's.  In fact, my brow is sometimes so low that I trip over it, which is why the Stern Show's parody "Buttcrack Mountain" this morning got at least a couple of chuckles out of me.

[Listen – 5:32, 2.53mb, MP3 format]

And finally, after the jump is something that has already been on a few websites, but which I came across for the first time last night.

If you're familiar with "Brokeback," you'll remember the trips down the mountain to restock provisions.  I howled as the hubbie read me the "Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists," which became more and more – shall we say – "elaborate" as that long summer herding sheep wore on.

Step One in Our 12-Step Program?

No, you haven't made a mistake – you've come to the right blog.  But I've just decided to have a little fun with our stylesheet.

I might switch things up a little from time to time to keep things interesting, probably focusing on whatever gay/pop culture/iconographic flavors grab me.  The first one might as well commemorate the Great National Gay Obsession of the past few months.  (Maybe I'll keep it up until after the Oscars like that Pittsburgh quarterback did with his beard before the Super Bowl.)

Suggestions for new looks, of course, are always welcome but will be entertained contingent on my mood and technical capabilities.

UPDATE: My stylesheet says the new design is applied, but it appears to have reverted back to the old design.  Damn you, Typepad!  DAAAAAAAAAMMMNN YOUUUUUU!!!

Not So Secretly Fond of Willie

Andy posted about Willie Nelson's new Valentine's Day song, an ode to the spirit of "Brokeback Mountain" titled "Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly (Fond of Each Other)."

It premiered on iTunes today and also on Howard Stern.  Which means, of course, that we bring the audio to you.

[Listen – 3:45, 1.7mb, MP3 format]

Tyra's Next Top Gay Cowboys

The Brokeback talk show avalanche gains momentum as Tyra Banks brings "The Real Brokeback Mountain" to daytime television, interviewing two different cowboy couples on the difficulties of the closet, their faux hetero relationships, and the reactions of their families.

Surprisingly, the cowboys are the blandest part of the show. They inarticulately relate the slow realization of their sexuality and how it has affected their lives in fairly uninteresting sound bites that have been said a thousand times before, and by others more eloquently than them.

Far more compelling is the first guest's former fiance as she explains how she was affected by the lie of her relationship with a gay man. Concentrating more on the Alma aspect of Brokeback, the fiance makes a powerful case for honesty, and how men forced to keep their sexuality and loves a secret are more damaging to a family than any open relationship could ever be.

We're just going to ignore the last segment of the following clip, where the fiance discusses her new husband. It's a pure WTF moment, and we probably don't want to know.

[Watch video – 11:16, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 11:16, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Quote of the Day

Did you hear Sam Brownback made a movie? It's about two cowboys who meet, go straight and decide to devote their lives to stopping stem cell research. It's called, "Brownback Mountain."

— Attributed (outside of quotation marks) to Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.)

"Queen" of All Media?

Throughout his career, Howard Stern has been accused of just about every "-ism" and "-phobia" imaginable.  Quite unfairly, I believe, as anyone who reads this site will know.

So what was the utterly un-PC shock jock's verdict on "Brokeback Mountain"?  He talked about it on his uncensored, nationwide Sirius radio show today.

[Listen – 7:02, 3.3mb, MP3 format]

[Photo via BeTheMedia]

Brimstoney Goodness

Anyone with even a passing knowledge of Christianity knows that the religion teaches that the "man upstairs" is the ultimate judge of us mere mortals.  "Judge not, lest ye be judged."  Right?

Well, friends, for an example of how the most passionately spiteful of Christians can find a Bible verse to justify virtually anything, look no further than that "rising star of the blogosphere," LaShawn MoRawn Barber.

The Baroness of Biogtry, the Doyenne of Discrimination, the Valkyrie of Vituperation posted a piece today on the Oscar prospects of "Brokeback Mountain," under the headline "God's Judgment."

"Christians, judgment begins with the church," she intones authoritatively, linking us to a passage from the First Book of Peter, the operative portion of which reads: "For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?"

So MoRawn has found one stray verse in a book of the Bible most people were heretofore unaware existed, and she uses it to justify her Earthly judgment of what is right and wrong?

Sorry, honey, I'm not buying it.  I prefer the Gospel written by the apostle who shares my name.  And even George Bush agrees with me on that one.

Every day that The Malcontent gets more readers than MoRawn Barber's Corner (according to BlogTopSites.com) is a day that I go to sleep with a big smile.

Riddle Me This

By now you've no doubt seen the news about the Oscar nominations, including the eight nods for "Brokeback Mountain," on one of our many sister sites.  It is indeed an impressive haul for the pokin' cowpokes.

But I was struck by one oversight: How can the winner of the Golden Globe for "Best Original Song" not even merit an Oscar nomination?

Gustavo Santaolalla and Bernie Taupin's gorgeous "A Love That Will Never Grow Old," hauntingly sung by Emmylou Harris, moved me more than any other movie song I heard last year.  And I hate country music.

Sure, maybe it wasn't everybody's cup of tea.  But how is it, then, that the Academy was able to find only the minimum three nominees for "Best Song" instead of the usual five?  Did they hear something that I didn't?

By Popular Demand (and a Plea) ...

"I'm a little teapot ..."

Apparently some of y'all are just a wee bit obsessed with this whole "Brokeback Mountain" thing.

The requests have been pouring in for more, more, more of anything that is even remotely Brokeback-related.

On Friday we posted highlights of Oprah's interview with the cast.  But you wanted the whole thing, and here it is:

[Watch video – 24:52, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 24:52, WMV format, low bandwidth]

The picture accompanying this post, of course, comes not from that interview, but from Sunday night's Screen Actors Guild Awards.  As I mentioned yesterday, I kind of lost interest in pulling any SAG Awards clips when I found out that "Brokeback" had been shut out.

Ah, but some of you were interested even in the brief glimpse we got of Jake and Heath presenting BBM's nomination for "Outstanding Movie Cast."  You say jump, MalcoVision asks, "How high?"

But what was it with those two?  Were they nervous?  Hopped up on something?  I thought Heath especially was inappropriately giddy, even giggling through Jake's scripted comments about "tragedy."  And with that bizarre pose he had struck, I expected him to show us his, uh, "spout."

[Watch video – 2:02, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 2:02, WMV format, low bandwidth]

PLEASE READ THIS:

You probably wouldn't notice this if I didn't tell you, but the discerning eye will discover that the largest of the four clips linked above is hosted on a different server than the others.  That is because, as I have been warning for a while now, I have completely tapped out MalcoVision's ISP.  There should be enough bandwidth for the clips that are already there, but I have exhausted our storage space and had to scramble to find another alternative.

That, of course, meant another substantial investment in this site.

I can't think of another blog (at least one that is run part-time, and as a hobby) that requires the kind of investment in hardware, software and server space that The Malcontent has made.  We do it because we enjoy it, and because we want to provide a sort of virtual "hearth" for the gay community and our allies.

It is still my intent never to put a "tip jar" on this site.  But I do want The Malcontent to continue as a worthwhile home to the advertisers who help defray some of our costs.

So PLEASE, if you enjoy this site at all, and especially if you are a regular reader, make a mental note to click on our advertisers' ads on a regular basis.  If you keep them happy, they'll keep us happy, and the bandwidth spigots will continue to flow.

And while I have your attention, why not show them some love right now?:

The New School Bachelor's Program: "Design your own path of study, choosing from a wide range of courses, and building on all the important things you've achieved so far. "

David Rich Fitness Naked.com: "Imagine having two of the hottest DNA and Playgirl cover models teach you their secrets to developing a body that looks great naked."

Jeff Cook for Congress: "Put your voice in Congress."  And consider sending a little scratch his way too.

Fat Old Jewish Guy Who Lives In The Projects: "He's entertaining and angering at times too. 200+ visitors a day can't be wrong, right?"

And last, but most certainly not least, Gay.com: "Find a Valentine's date and SAVE over 50% when you subscribe to Gay.com Premium Personals. Meet hot guys online. Millions of active members."

This concludes the Public Service Announcement.

Playing for the Other Team

I had been hoping to bring you at least one Brokeback Mountain-related acceptance speech from last night's Screen Actors Guild Awards, but the film fared much more poorly than it had at the Golden Globes, getting shut out in the four categories in which it was nominated.

This still leaves Heath with wins only from the Las Vegas and Phoenix Film Critic Societies.  The movie's next major test will come with tomorrow's announcement of Oscar nominations.

The good news today is that, in lieu of that, I give you Tom Brady naked!

The bad news is, it's a cartoon Tom Brady.

The smokin'-hot, star NFL quarterback lent his voice talents to an episode of Fox's "Family Guy" in which the corpulent Peter Griffin somehow gets a spot on the New England Patriots' roster.

But more importantly, after a long hetero-trending streak, it gave us two more "Stewie is gay" references.

[Watch video – 1:41, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 1:41, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Oprah Goes Brokeback (UPDATED AGAIN)

Living in Chicago, it goes without saying that Oprah is our queen. When not berating authors who've duped her highness, she's also airing her show in my hometown long before it reaches the rest of the country.

As a result, we get to bring to you something of a MalcoVision exclusive. This morning, the stars of Brokeback Mountain graced the most famous couch in America to discuss the movie, making the sex scenes, gay marriage, stereotypes, and working through homophobia.

See what Jake Gyllenhaal did the night before getting naked with Heath, and what Heath had to offer.

Video clips deleted at demand of Jeffrey Friedman, attorney for Oprah Winfrey

---

UPDATE:

In the show's second half, Oprah brought out Tyler Perry and his alter ego, Madea Simmons, to promote the upcoming movie "Madea's Family Reunion," which is scheduled for release on Feb. 24.

Video clips deleted at demand of Jeffrey Friedman, attorney for Oprah Winfrey

Much more on Tyler/Madea at Rod 2.0 ...

Cowboys Ridin' Angry Beef

Last night, the Daily Show tackled one man's lament over Brokeback Mountain's effect on the modern cowboy.

Chaps, boots, cowboy hats, tight jeans, spurs, bucking, riding - can traditional cowboy culture withstand an organized homosexual assault via gay rodeo?

Dan Bakkedahl investigates.

[Watch video – 4:46, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 4:46, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Come On, Babe, We're Gonna Hate the Gays ... And All That Jazz

UPDATE:  There are apparently so many notable Mormons named "Joseph Fielding Smith" throughout history that I was right about the one who was a racist, but wrong in thinking he was gay.  That was another man of the same name and same church who lived at the same time.

Nevertheless, some people are so concerned that I might have accidentally tarnished the good name of this racist by mistakenly believing he was gay.  I will assume that this person is more of an authority than I am, and I apologize for the confusion.

Indeed, I am truly sorry for offending the memory of a racist douche by thinking he was gay, but I am not sorry for believing that currently living person Larry Miller is an ongoing douche for being a homophobe who kowtows to Utahns' baser instincts.

Just so we are clear.

NOTE: Hat tip on the following to Good As You.

Joseph Fielding Smith Jr. was a giant in the Mormon Church.  An ardent creationist and the 10th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, he led the Mormons for the first two-and-a-half years of the 1970s after working a lifetime within the church hierarchy.

Oh, yes.  Smith was also a virulent racist.

Jay & Jake

Straight-vague hottie Jake Gyllenhaal was on "The Tonight Show" on Friday night.

Jay Leno kicked things off with a clip of Jake's appearance on the Food Network's "Molto Mario."  (We knew he was smokin', but who knew that he cooks too?  Ah, the perfect guy.)

Of course, they also talked about Jake's SAG nomination for that movie that I promised not to obsess over for the time being.  (I didn't promise not obsess over its stars.)

Whatever good Brokeback Mountain is doing to soften Middle America's views of gays must surely be amplified by this winsome, boy-next-door leading man and the No. 1 late-night talk show host discussing homophobia, and the message behind what Jake calls "the most beautiful story I'd ever read":

LENO: I read that this is the number-one date movie in America. …You know, teenagers tend to be pretty homophobic, a lot of them.  And they go, ‘I’m not going to that!  I’m not going to that movie!  I’ll turn gay when I come out!"  So the fact that it’s the number-one movie is pretty cool.

Very cool indeed.

[Watch video – 11:40, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 11:40, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Hollywood Must Be Stopped

  The Horror.

Best pals Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are teaming up on the big screen again to remake Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Damon will reportedly play the Sundance Kid, while Affleck will recreate Newman's role as Butch Cassidy, according to America's OK! magazine.

This is so not OK. Damon I trust. Affleck? God help us.

Ace has already dubbed it Brokeback Mountain II.

Rolling Over

Our three female readers might not fully appreciate the metaphor I'm about to attempt, but the men probably will.  It's a sexual analogy, from the male perspective.

For a guy, sex – especially with a new partner – can be thrilling.  There is usually a tease volleyed back and forth, then nervous anticipation and imagined chemistry.

Excitement and hunger build and build, melting seamlessly into act itself, the climb higher and higher, dizzying, delirious frenzy ...

And then the sudden drop off a cliff.  Perhaps a cliff on a Wyoming mountain, if you like.  (You see where I am going with this.)  Oh, you might cuddle for a bit, but there is definitely a mandatory refractory period before you can head back to that summit again.

Yeah, so that's like me with "Brokeback Mountain."  Over the last few months we Broke the ice, then I went to the theater, made the beast with two Brokebacks, had my Brokegasm, and now ... frankly, I'm all Broked out and ready to roll over.

This may come as a relief to many, and while my co-blogger is free to do his own thing, I don't think I will be posting about "that movie" for a while.  I've had my roll in the Mountain meadow, and the thought of covering every little twist and turn of Broke-mania just leaves me ... flaccid.  So I will probably abstain at least until the Academy Award nominations, and then maybe even until the Oscar telecast itself.

Look, it was a good movie.  Groundbreaking, yes.  But let's keep some perspective, people, it is most assuredly not "Gone With the Wind."  (Memo to Lady Bunny: Those "sweeping shots" were filmed in Canada, not Wyoming.)

But in a year where America's theaters overflowed with brackish bilge, it might just be good enough.

Let the Brokebacklash begin!

The Evil Brokeback Agenda

I waded into the morass of the O'Reilly Factor so you, dear readers, don't have to. Tonight, Bill asked whether or not there is a liberal or homosexual agenda behind the heavy promotion of Ang Lee's film in newspapers like the New York Times and Washington Post.

Bill's guests included entertainment reporter Jeanne Wolf and conservative movie critic Michael Medved. It's an interesting discussion on media bias, with nice things said all around about the film, but also typical posturing about the "homosexual agenda" being "rammed down throats."

O'Reilly does have a fairly amusing response to a question posed by Wolf at the end of the segment.

Malco-vision has the clip.

[Watch video – 7:27, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 7:27, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Pride, Wyoming Style

I come from Wyoming, where the total population of men – about a quarter-million – is roughly equal to the low-end estimate of the number of rats in New York City.  (No comparison is implied.)  And it could be far fewer, actually.

Yet given all the attention Wyoming has received lately, you'd think that every one of them was a cowboy and gay. The men, that is, not the rats.  (OK, this blog's fixation on "Brokeback Mountain" hasn't helped matters any.)

The feedback loop fueled by "Brokeback" surfaced yet again in the pages of today's New York Times, which found re