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unique visitors since July 27, 2005 |
OMG, there is almost too much prettiness to behold in X-Men: The Last Stand.
See for yourself.
I'm sure the extended trailer that aired on Fox on Thursday night has already made the rounds, but in case not, we aim to serve your every homoerotic superhero whim.
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[Watch video – 7:05, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 7:05, WMV format, low bandwidth]
The new issue of The Advocate has a focus on the gays' fixation on superheroes, which should mean many a queer dollar spent this summer to see Superman Returns and X-Men: Final Stand.
Brandon's fabled bulge notwithstanding, I was especially curious to see that Ben Foster would be playing "The Angel," a winged mutant who looks like he just dragged his ass in from the White Party.
Foster, as you may recall, played Claire's bisexual boyfriend Russell on several episodes of "Six Feet Under." But as you will see in the photo, could it be that sensitive, little artist Russell is – of all things – fuckin' ripped?
The flick also features Kelsey Grammer as a character known as "The Beast."
I can just see a blue, ultra-effete mutant, and how menacing he will really be: "Niles, I'm going to disembowel you!"
Seems the Scientologists have had more luck shutting down unflattering portrayals of their cult "religion" lately than have the Catholics.
Tom Cruise got the infamous "South Park" episode yanked, but thus far, the steamroller of PR for The Da Vinci Code rolls on, despite the best efforts of the Catholic hierarchy.
Eight-time host of "Saturday Night Live" Tom Hanks returned to the late-night show this weekend to promote his impending summer blockbuster, and once again he showed his comedic roots.
In these two sketches, he is featured as the world's grossest yoga partner, and also in a group of four tennis snobs who happened to have 13 arms among them.
[Watch video – 9:09, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 9:09, WMV format, low bandwidth]
Imagine the runniest, most foul-smelling and gut-wrenching bout of diarrhea you have ever had in your life.
Now imagine it in celluloid form and projected onto a movie screen, and you will have Silent Hill, a movie on which I wasted two hours of my life and $13 yesterday afternoon.
I'm not going to bother with a full review because the film just isn't worth the effort or the bandwidth. But let's suffice it to say – as many critics have already done – that the dialog was leaden, the performances were almost universally laughable, and the plot isn't a plot so much as a cruel apparatus designed to torture anyone who is foolish enough to stay until the end credits.
With a running time of 127 minutes, that's a lot of pain to endure. My husband has no training whatsoever in film or television, and even he had several good ideas where to make major edits. My own suggestion would have been to cut everything after the words "Silent Hill" came onscreen.
Oddly, for a horror movie, Silent Hill isn't all that scary, although many of the CGI ghoulies and ghosties were at least visually striking. But it is quite gory. Appallingly, pornographically, disturbingly gory.
Specifically, the climactic scene of revenge near the end has enough gore by itself for at least three or four Wes Craven franchises. Bodies are ripped in two, chopped, diced and julienned by razor-wire. Women are vaginally, bloodily raped by the wire. Skin is flayed, clothes are stripped, extremities are severed. Blood flies, gushes and spatters. And all this in a church, no less.
It wasn't unlike the prom scene from Carrie, except that Carrie in this case was not a tormented high schooler whose dousing with pig's blood was a cruel prank, but rather a 9-year-old girl dancing merrily as the blood rained down upon her as if she were Gene Kelly.
Even with the normal suspension of disbelief one carries into a theater, the characters were almost completely unbelievable. They made choices that even the dullards who get offed in the first minutes of any Friday the 13th sequel would know to avoid.
If wooden acting, an unintentionally hilarious script, idiotic characters and plots with more dead-ends than the hunt for Osama bin Laden are your thing, then by all means, go see Silent Hill.
But for the rest of you, a word of advice, and that word is: Don't.
Poor Tom Cruise. His movie made only a paltry $48 million at the box office this weekend.
That might sound like a lot, but for a film that cost more than three times that much to make, and which had been predicted to earn much more, everybody's favorite vitamin-taking cult member might want to threaten to eat a few less placentas. ("Placentii"?)
NBC's "Dateline" show decided to take a far less ass-sucking route than Diane Sawyer on the publicity parade, opting for plenty of Scientology hijinks rather than Cruise's boyhood sob story.
You know when bloggers like Jessica Coen and Perez are featured in the piece that the claws are bound to come out.
By the way, who's the guy next to Cruise in the picture, anyway? Is it, you know — "him"?
[Watch video – 11:30, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 11:30, WMV format, low bandwidth]
YouTube has a teaser trailer for the "Strangers With Candy" movie, scheduled for release on June 28:
The film is a prequel that has Jerri Blank (Amy Sedaris) returning home 32 years after becoming a runaway. It also stars Stephen Colbert and Paul Dinello "as a bible thumping science teacher and soft minded art teacher (respectively) in tragic love with each other."
"Access Hollywood" served up some homo-rific clips tonight. First the breaking news (OK, that's what "Entertainment Tonight" would call it, anyway) that Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest are not dating. (See also Starpulse, via Queerty.) I'll wait for you all to self-administer CPR over that one before I continue.
Then the three fabulous gals of 9 to 5 sat down to promote the release of that movie's DVD, 26 years after the Dolly Parton's jugs made their silver screen debut. Who knew that she could play any instrument, including her manicure?
And finally, Linda Evans discusses the kiss that "Rocked" Hollywood. How far we have come from all that hysteria.
[Watch video – 4:18, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 4:18, WMV format, low bandwidth]
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You know you're gay when it's 4 A.M. and you find yourself downloading this
Just saying.
As we mentioned a few days ago, Brokeback Mountain comes out on DVD on April 4, even while it is still taking in strong box-office returns.
The distributors have offered us an as-of-yet undetermined number of DVDs, so we thought we would hold a contest to give them away, in recognition of how many rabid Brokeback fans are among our readership. (It might also have to suffice as a lame way of saying "thanks" when we hit our 1 millionth visit, if I can't think of anything else.)
So here's the deal:
Tell us your true story about how big a Brokeback fan you are. It can be funny, it can be moving, it can be about how the movie has inspired you, or how you have used it to change the minds of those around you. Maybe you're such a lunatic that you camped in a tent to be first in line. Or maybe you met your boyfriend at a Sunday matinee.
The best stories, as determined by Boy Robbie and myself (and perhaps a handful of other readers if we find ourselves in eye-gouging disagreement), will win however many DVDs we have to give away. It's as easy as that.
So write your stories directly in the comments section of this post. Or if you'd rather, email them to us. (If you email, however, you're consenting to having it published when we announce the winners.)
Try to keep them short, say, no more than 400 words or so. I won't be a bitch about limits, but be warned that you'll get points off if our eyes glaze over. The deadline for entries is midnight Eastern Daylight Time (not E.S.T.) on Tuesday, April 4, the day of the DVD's release. Winners will be announced ASAP afterward.
Good luck, and may the most obsessed fan win!
UPDATE: We will have two copies of the DVD to give away. If you don't win, I'm sure Andy Towle will have thousands of his own. :-)
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And if you don't know what the secret is, I'd like to find out how that 14-year coma worked out for you.
A filmic history of gender-bending.
What should land in my e-mail today, but the press release heralding the upcoming DVD of Brokeback Mountain.
Academy Award nominees Heath Ledger (The Patriot, Lords of Dogtown) and Jake Gyllenhaal** (Jarhead, Donnie Darko) star in the seminal film, Brokeback Mountain, the sweeping epic of two men who forge an intense, secretive bond, available on DVD from Universal Studios Home Entertainment April 4, 2006. Ang Lee’s (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) skillfully nuanced direction, which earned him an Academy Award®, shapes Brokeback Mountain into a landmark story that is powerfully affecting. Also starring Academy Award® nominee for Best Supporting Actress Michelle Williams (The Station Agent, Prozac Nation) and Anne Hathaway (Princess Diaries, Ella Enchanted), this must-own DVD unfolds against the raw beauty and splendor of the American West.
Given the rapid turnover from big screen to home theater, there seems to be little in the way of extras.
We expect there will be supplemental features in a more extensive, later release. Still, if you're jonesing for your next Brokeback fix, you can head on over to Amazon and hope they update the pre-order page in the near future.
Think you might be the next John Waters or John Cameron Mitchell?
The Logo series "The Click List: Best in Short Film" is showcasing up-and-coming GLBT filmmakers.
One of the films recently featured was the New York-shot "Seeing You in Circles," directed by Sam McConnell. It's a poignant story about ex-boyfriends meeting up again at their favorite hang-out. It is told in a style not dissimilar to Rashômon, with an individual focus on each of the characters.
I've grown a little weary of those who think networks like Logo don't fill much of a purpose. I'm sure the vast swath of Americans who don't have access to a gay and lesbian film festival like those of us in the big cities, for example, might have a differing view.
[Watch video – 20:33, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 20:33, WMV format, low bandwidth]
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An obscure Missouri state senator, previously known for trying to take away prosthetic limbs and wheelchairs from the disabled, kicked up a bit of a fuss last week by suggesting legislation that would prevent cable TV companies in his state from airing Brokeback Mountain.
Chuck Purgason is an Ozarks-born farmer who runs a cow/calf operation near Caulfield, Mo. Many movies that came before Brokeback escaped the his eagle eye. But this time, it's personal:
“I feel cowboys across the nation have been put into a bit of a poor light,” Purgason said.
Purgason later withdrew the amendment, saying he was only joking. Sort of. “I do think they have been put in a bad light,” he said.
Purgason has a long career in both houses of the Missouri legislature, but the achievement he is most proud of was getting a free bowl of soup with that haircut.
If you'd care to offer other things Mr. Purgason might care to legislate, you can email him at chuck.purgason@senate.mo.gov, or call his office at 573-751-1882. Or offer them here in the comments section. [Thanks, Celeste!]
Others have noted The New York Times' laughably tardy foray yesterday into reporting on real-life women whose husbands later come out as gay, a la Brokeback Mountain.
But as an alert reader pointed out, there was a curiously gay-unfriendly reference near the top of the article. After relating the story of Amy Jo Remmele, a rural Minnesota woman who was divorced from her husband after she discovered his Gay.com profile, reporter Katy Butler then includes this seemingly gratuitous line:
"Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans — is one of an estimated 1.7 million to 3.4 million American women who once were or are now married to men who have sex with men."
If Ms. Butler doesn't toe the Times' GLBT line a little more carefully, she could find herself yanked from the Old Pink Lady's gay beat.
I suppose it's germane that Mrs. Remmele is now remarried, but that bit about "a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans"? Are we to think that she is somehow less likely to wind up with a gay man because her hubby is some strapping pastoralist stereotype who's out bucking bales of hay every day? Perhaps she could have made her point more clearly by writing: "Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who puts his penis into her vagina every day ..."
Obviously, Ms. Butler didn't see Brokeback Mountain, because if it taught us nothing else, it was that cowboys are all humping each other like ferrets.
[Note: There is at least a thin mist of sarcasm hovering over this post.]
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Felicity Huffman is probably still wiping away the tears from her plunging Zac Posen neckline, but her Oscar-nominated portrayal of Bree Osbourne nevertheless inspired a clueless "Larry King" on Saturday Night Live to delve into the world of the transgendered.
The sketch was worth watching if for no other reason than to see host Natalie Portman as a drag king and looking more Vulcan than male.
[Watch video – 5:11, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 5:11, WMV format, low bandwidth]
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And seeing how this is a belated post about Saturday Night Live, it's appropriate that I should also include Rob Smigel's "Belated Black History Moment."
Host Dennis Haysbert takes us back to some of the seminal, if short-lived, moments of empowerment for African-American cartoon characters.
The sketch was worth watching if for no other reason than to hear Haysbert say: "humongous, steaming bowl of elephant piss."
[Watch video – 5:48, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 5:48, WMV format, low bandwidth]
Very slim pickings in this category, as the gay film of the year drowned in snubsville. When the vistas of Alberta, Canada lost out to Memoirs of a Geisha in cinematography, it was a foregone conclusion the rompin, stompin cowboys weren't going to be on the business end of Hollywood love. They were on the business end of another sort of "affection."
Still, there were moments, from the red carpet, to the western montage, to the three wins that salvaged the night ever so barely.
So, here I present to you the most relevant Brokeback Mountain related highlights of the evening.
[Watch video – 9:47, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 9:47, WMV format, low bandwidth]
All those trips to East Hampton, and I never knew that we had been in the presence of a piece of kitsch history.
The husband has turned me onto the phenomenon known as "Grey Gardens." Originally an acclaimed documentary
Well, we did manage to get tickets, but they are for tonight. Oscar night. So I present for your reading pleasure a selected mix of sites that will be providing ample live-blogging snark for the Oscars:
First, there are my eternal lovers at The Pen15 Club. Bookmark these guys, now.
And then there are the rest:
LA Weekly's Deadline Hollywood Daily
Entertainment Weekly's Popwatch
PAJAMASMEDIA's team coverage
The indispensable, fantastical Cinematical
Robertik's Oscar fashion snark forum
If you're aware of any others worth mentioning, let me know.
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Guess what? It's another "Brokeback Mountain" day here, of sorts. I'm sure the cheers and jeers are flying in roughly equal measure right now. (Didn't I do a post a while back about being "Brokebacked out"?)
This post is a three-fer from me, and then Robbie says we should expect one from him later today. (I should warn you that much of this is NSFW.)
First up is last night's "Drawn Together" on Comedy Central. The "Malcon-noisseurs" among you know that I follow the show and have about as unhealthy an obsession with Xandir as one can have with a cartoon character.
"Drawn" is known for regularly going gay, with storylines that have included the gay marriage of Xandir and Spanky Ham, the Internet download pig.
This time it was Captain Hero who was vying for Xandir's affections. Hero showed up in the poorly conceived guise of "Tim Tommerson" as a way of exploring his own possible gay tendencies. And how the hot cartoon love did commence.
[Watch video – 8:38, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 8:38, WMV format, low bandwidth]
Next is the latest moment of gay zen from Howard Stern, who has been having a lot of them lately.
I know my sense of humor probably runs a wider gamut from high-brow to low-brow than most people's. In fact, my brow is sometimes so low that I trip over it, which is why the Stern Show's parody "Buttcrack Mountain" this morning got at least a couple of chuckles out of me.
[Listen – 5:32, 2.53mb, MP3 format]
And finally, after the jump is something that has already been on a few websites, but which I came across for the first time last night.
If you're familiar with "Brokeback," you'll remember the trips down the mountain to restock provisions. I howled as the hubbie read me the "Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists," which became more and more – shall we say – "elaborate" as that long summer herding sheep wore on.
One of the great advantages to having an adverse reaction to pain medication prescribed for an injury is being able to catch late night cable when independent movies are showcased more frequently. Tonight, I managed to see an airing of the 2000 Sundance hit Urbania
Quite honestly, Urbania is unlike any gay film I've ever seen. It opens as the main character, Charlie, finds himself walking the shadowed, autumn streets of New York, wandering from bar to bar, searching for an elusive street hustler. He leaves phone messages for an apparent ex boyfriend while flashing back on their once happy life together. He visits a fellow gay friend (Alan Cumming), a man whose once glittering social life lay in ashes, his frail form wracked by the last, grim stages of AIDS. What has happened here? Where is Charlie's boyfriend, his friends, his life?
I can't give any kind of real answer without spoiling the film. Suffice to say, Urbania is a strange mixture of a character darkly nagivating through his grief at a relationship lost, intimacy unattainable in the aftermath, and a thrilling, almost erotic fascination with the paradoxically homophobic hustler who set all these events into motion.
The movie's worth a see for the acting, the dialogue, the atmosphere, and not least of all the actors (cutie Futterman, an angelic Matt Keeslar, and a very sleazy Samuel Ball). It's a surprisingly moving film, especially in the final act as Charlie comes to terms with everything he must.
It's all the rage among the 'mos to denigrate the "gay" American TV networks, such as Logo, Here! TV and the faltering Q Television Network. You've heard the rap before:
"They reinforce negative stereotypes. They don't show our lives. Their production values are a disgrace to right-brained queens everywhere. Their content is recycled, derivative of other sources, or redundant, given the existence of other channels like Bravo or E!"
But guess what, boys? We need these networks. We should support them and encourage them to put on realistic and entertaining gay programming that is relevant to our "community," insofar as there is one.
Why? Because although gains are being made, we still don't get quite a fair shake in the mainstream media.
Exhibit A, the first clip from "The Tony Danza Show" that will ever be played on MalcoVision. (And judging by Danza's ratings, possibly the last.)
Actor Anthony Rapp, one of the most talented performers in almost any medium who also happens to be an out gay man, stopped by this morning to promote his new book, "Without You
So what was Danza interested in talking about? The death of Rapp's father.
The Washington Blade ran an editorial on Friday about the "straight-washing" of the news, a phenomenon that seems to cross over into some daytime talk shows.
Until it becomes second nature for straight America to talk to and about gays like we're just anybody else, there will be an important spot at the electronic hearth for Logo and its cousins.
[Watch video – 6:57, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 6:57, WMV format, low bandwidth]
Throughout his career, Howard Stern has been accused of just about every "-ism" and "-phobia" imaginable. Quite unfairly, I believe, as anyone who reads this site will know.
So what was the utterly un-PC shock jock's verdict on "Brokeback Mountain"? He talked about it on his uncensored, nationwide Sirius radio show today.
[Listen – 7:02, 3.3mb, MP3 format]
[Photo via BeTheMedia]
It might just lose me my license to practice homosexualism to admit this, but I have never been to a circuit party in my life. And now I am probably nearing the age where I would look foolish even trying to fit in.
I have (coincidentally) missed both Miami's Winter Party and Palm Springs' White Party by only a week each. And while a friend once tried to take me to one of the events for DC's Cherry party, he had gotten inaccurate information about the venue, and we ended up having to go elsewhere.
"When Boys Fly
The documentary follows a group of friends at the aforementioned White Party – not a commentary on the ethnicity of the attendees, despite appearances – presenting a realistic portrait of the highs and lows of the often chemically enhanced revelry.
But if there was an agenda in Stewart Halpern and Lenid Rolov's desert tale of love, lust and and lewdness, I couldn't find it. Instead, I saw a story about boys who came, partied and made mistakes – but, above all, had fun.
Many screen captures and a lengthy video clip, most of which is NSFW, after the jump ...
By now you've no doubt seen the news about the Oscar nominations, including the eight nods for "Brokeback Mountain," on one of our many sister sites. It is indeed an impressive haul for the pokin' cowpokes.
But I was struck by one oversight: How can the winner of the Golden Globe for "Best Original Song" not even merit an Oscar nomination?
Gustavo Santaolalla and Bernie Taupin's gorgeous "A Love That Will Never Grow Old," hauntingly sung by Emmylou Harris, moved me more than any other movie song I heard last year. And I hate country music.
Sure, maybe it wasn't everybody's cup of tea. But how is it, then, that the Academy was able to find only the minimum three nominees for "Best Song" instead of the usual five? Did they hear something that I didn't?
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Apparently some of y'all are just a wee bit obsessed with this whole "Brokeback Mountain" thing.
The requests have been pouring in for more, more, more of anything that is even remotely Brokeback-related.
On Friday we posted highlights of Oprah's interview with the cast. But you wanted the whole thing, and here it is:
[Watch video – 24:52, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 24:52, WMV format, low bandwidth]
The picture accompanying this post, of course, comes not from that interview, but from Sunday night's Screen Actors Guild Awards. As I mentioned yesterday, I kind of lost interest in pulling any SAG Awards clips when I found out that "Brokeback" had been shut out.
Ah, but some of you were interested even in the brief glimpse we got of Jake and Heath presenting BBM's nomination for "Outstanding Movie Cast." You say jump, MalcoVision asks, "How high?"
But what was it with those two? Were they nervous? Hopped up on something? I thought Heath especially was inappropriately giddy, even giggling through Jake's scripted comments about "tragedy." And with that bizarre pose he had struck, I expected him to show us his, uh, "spout."
[Watch video – 2:02, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 2:02, WMV format, low bandwidth]
PLEASE READ THIS:
You probably wouldn't notice this if I didn't tell you, but the discerning eye will discover that the largest of the four clips linked above is hosted on a different server than the others. That is because, as I have been warning for a while now, I have completely tapped out MalcoVision's ISP. There should be enough bandwidth for the clips that are already there, but I have exhausted our storage space and had to scramble to find another alternative.
That, of course, meant another substantial investment in this site.
I can't think of another blog (at least one that is run part-time, and as a hobby) that requires the kind of investment in hardware, software and server space that The Malcontent has made. We do it because we enjoy it, and because we want to provide a sort of virtual "hearth" for the gay community and our allies.
It is still my intent never to put a "tip jar" on this site. But I do want The Malcontent to continue as a worthwhile home to the advertisers who help defray some of our costs.
So PLEASE, if you enjoy this site at all, and especially if you are a regular reader, make a mental note to click on our advertisers' ads on a regular basis. If you keep them happy, they'll keep us happy, and the bandwidth spigots will continue to flow.
And while I have your attention, why not show them some love right now?:
The New School Bachelor's Program: "Design your own path of study, choosing from a wide range of courses, and building on all the important things you've achieved so far. "
David Rich Fitness Naked.com: "Imagine having two of the hottest DNA and Playgirl cover models teach you their secrets to developing a body that looks great naked."
Jeff Cook for Congress: "Put your voice in Congress." And consider sending a little scratch his way too.
Fat Old Jewish Guy Who Lives In The Projects: "He's entertaining and angering at times too. 200+ visitors a day can't be wrong, right?"
And last, but most certainly not least, Gay.com: "Find a Valentine's date and SAVE over 50% when you subscribe to Gay.com Premium Personals. Meet hot guys online. Millions of active members."
This concludes the Public Service Announcement.
I had been hoping to bring you at least one Brokeback Mountain-related acceptance speech from last night's Screen Actors Guild Awards, but the film fared much more poorly than it had at the Golden Globes, getting shut out in the four categories in which it was nominated.
This still leaves Heath with wins only from the Las Vegas and Phoenix Film Critic Societies. The movie's next major test will come with tomorrow's announcement of Oscar nominations.
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The good news today is that, in lieu of that, I give you Tom Brady naked!
The bad news is, it's a cartoon Tom Brady.
The smokin'-hot, star NFL quarterback lent his voice talents to an episode of Fox's "Family Guy" in which the corpulent Peter Griffin somehow gets a spot on the New England Patriots' roster.
But more importantly, after a long hetero-trending streak, it gave us two more "Stewie is gay" references.
[Watch video – 1:41, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 1:41, WMV format, low bandwidth]
 Bizarre Guevara-like imagery accompanies fawning film |
One is hard-pressed to think of a better defender of Bill Clinton during the 1998 impeachment proceedings than Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) Whether in his countless TV interviews or his dogged defense of the President on the House Judiciary Committee, Frank flexed his formidable intellect and talent before the American people.
Of course, Frank was also ideally suited to run interference because he, like Clinton, had previously been involved in a sex scandal of his own making, which nearly resulted in the end of his political career.
And thus unfolds the tale upon which rookie director Bart Everly hangs his 2003 film "Let's Get Frank," a documentary that is now airing on Logo.
Everly uses the 1998 committee hearings that ultimately resulted in articles of impeachment against Clinton as a dramatic device to frame his portrait of Frank. But it is a portrait that both supporters and detractors of the congressman will probably find lacking in many ways.
Fagat Guide has the best title for the new Superman movie: To Kal El, Thanks For Everything, Bryan Singer. FG rhetorically asks, "Could this movie BE any gayer?"
Let's see where this puts us.
A gay director in Bryan Singer.
Rumors hottie Brandon Routh was cast for a particular super endowment.
Recently outed "gay actor" Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor.
Camp fixture Parker Posey as Luthor's girlfriend.
Tight clothing revealing massive packages.
Does that about cover it?
And here Brokeback Mountain is getting all the press. Tch.
UPDATE: There are apparently so many notable Mormons named "Joseph Fielding Smith" throughout history that I was right about the one who was a racist, but wrong in thinking he was gay. That was another man of the same name and same church who lived at the same time.
Nevertheless, some people are so concerned that I might have accidentally tarnished the good name of this racist by mistakenly believing he was gay. I will assume that this person is more of an authority than I am, and I apologize for the confusion.
Indeed, I am truly sorry for offending the memory of a racist douche by thinking he was gay, but I am not sorry for believing that currently living person Larry Miller is an ongoing douche for being a homophobe who kowtows to Utahns' baser instincts.
Just so we are clear.
NOTE: Hat tip on the following to Good As You.
Joseph Fielding Smith Jr. was a giant in the Mormon Church. An ardent creationist and the 10th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, he led the Mormons for the first two-and-a-half years of the 1970s after working a lifetime within the church hierarchy.
Oh, yes. Smith was also a virulent racist.
Continue reading "Come On, Babe, We're Gonna Hate the Gays ... And All That Jazz" »
8:05 p.m. – Red-carpet show segues into the award show itself; bad song parody of “Don’t Cha” saluting nominees has Billy Crystal rolling in his grave.
8:10 p.m. – George Clooney draws the lucky straw and gets the first joke at the expense of Jack Abramoff's name. Middle America frantically scratches collective head.
8:13 p.m. – Brokeback Mountain loses its first award, as Michelle Williams is beaten by Rachel Weisz.
8:20 p.m. – Brandon Routh presents award. I hit "mute" as his comedy skills put me on the bus to Flaccidtown.
8:25 p.m. – Ad with a grinning Ronald McDonald statue next to a child on a park bench has creepy, John Wayne Gacy vibe.
8:28 p.m. – Enormously mammaried Drew Barrymore gives audience a read on the room temperature.
8:31 p.m. – Does this show have a host? Seriously.
8:34 p.m. – Geena Davis's "Cutthroat Island Memory Wipe Project" takes another step forward.
8:37 p.m. – Closeted gays lose "Best Actor in a TV Series (Drama)."
8:44 p.m. – Is Botox a depressant? 'Cuz Melanie Griffith sure makes me think so.
8:53 p.m. – Steve Carell walks off-stage, is immediately fellated by his wife for getting her on camera four times during his acceptance speech. (Carell wins my award for "Best Acceptance Speech.")
8:58 p.m. – Academy Award winner Tim Robbins winces as he is introduced as a winner of the lesser Golden Globe.
9:00 p.m. – Jamie Foxx's clipped delivery suggests that his next film is a Jesse Jackson biopic.
9:05 p.m. – The four Desperate Housewives nominees descend on Mary-Louise Parker and suck all the lymph from her body.
9:14 p.m. – All his skills as "The Science Guy" couldn't help Bill Nighy beat Jonathan Rhys Meyers for "Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie."
9:28 p.m. – Why does Harrison Ford's father get to present an award? Oh, wait ...
9:29 p.m. – Brokeback Mountain manages not to lose a second Golden Globe award, for writing. Annie Proulx puts down the sniper rifle when Diana Ossana mentions her name in the first paragraph of her acceptance speech.
9:38 p.m. – Penelope Cruz pronounces Bob Hoskins's last name as rhyming with "foreskins."
9:41 p.m. – Palestine wins "Best Foreign Language Film." Clearly, this is not the Hollywood "Domestic" Press Association.
9:44 p.m. – A child produces a visible stream of urine in an inexplicable commercial for H&R Block. I wasn't aware that the H&R Block and McDonald's ad accounts were both being handled by NAMBLA.
9:49 p.m. – Tonight Mariah Carey is wearing Chanel. In other news, Chanel runs out of fabric, rushes into court for Chapter 11 protection.
9:50 p.m. – HFPA verdict: Brokeback Mountain has a good song, but its music sucks. Go figure. BM is now 2-2.
9:53 p.m. – George Clooney is seen kneeling between Steven Spielberg's legs. He must really want a part in "Indiana Jones 4."
10:13 p.m. – Director Ang Lee comically mangles the word "Hollywood" as Brokeback Mountain goes to 3-2. By the way, can someone tell me what's wrong with Clint Eastwood? He sounds like he had just taken a big bite from a sandwich before he read the "Best Director" nominees.
10:35 p.m. – Audience daringly gives Eric McCormack a lukewarm reaction when he says what is needed for a successful TV series is "gay people." He then presents "Best TV Drama" to Lost, a show with the largest cast on network television but not one gay character.
10:43 p.m. – Marcia Cross, Terri Hatcher and Eva Longoria descend on Felicity Huffman and suck all the lymph from her body.
10:50 p.m. – That little sound you heard from the direction of Chelsea was Andy Towle flinging himself out a window: Heath Ledger loses "Best Actor" to Philip Seymour Hoffman. Brokeback is now 3-3, but GLBT characters take the top two dramatic-acting trophies.
10:50 p.m. – Andy's defenestrated corpse misses Brokeback Mountain moving to 4-3 as it is named "Best Motion Picture (Drama)." |
[Watch video – 5:39, WMV format, high bandwidth] [Watch video – 5:39, WMV format, low bandwidth] |
10:58 p.m. – The broadcast ends with Mussolini-like efficiency. Heather Ledger and Michelle Williams head home without having sex in the limo.
A SMATTERING OF OTHERS:
Brokeback Mountain Leads Golden Globes [Towleroad]
The Golden Gays [Queerty]
Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press [Jossip]
An Enchanting Gay Horseback Ride With The Hollywood Foreign Press [Defamer]
The Golden Globes were Pretty Gay [A Socialite's Life]
Gays Sweep the Golden Globes [PEN15 Club]
The Golden Globes <3 The Gays [Trent]
Gay Is Golden [Rod 2.0]
The Globes Wrap-up [JoBlo.com]
Straight-vague hottie Jake Gyllenhaal was on "The Tonight Show" on Friday night.
Jay Leno kicked things off with a clip of Jake's appearance on the Food Network's "Molto Mario." (We knew he was smokin', but who knew that he cooks too? Ah, the perfect guy.)
Of course, they also talked about Jake's SAG nomination for that movie that I promised not to obsess over for the time being. (I didn't promise not obsess over its stars.)
Whatever good Brokeback Mountain is doing to soften Middle America's views of gays must surely be amplified by this winsome, boy-next-door leading man and the No. 1 late-night talk show host discussing homophobia, and the message behind what Jake calls "the most beautiful story I'd ever read":
LENO: I read that this is the number-one date movie in America. …You know, teenagers tend to be pretty homophobic, a lot of them. And they go, ‘I’m not going to that! I’m not going to that movie! I’ll turn gay when I come out!" So the fact that it’s the number-one movie is pretty cool.
Very cool indeed.
[Watch video – 11:40, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 11:40, WMV format, low bandwidth]
