Jonesing

I am fortunate never to have gone through the pain and misery of withdrawal from an illegal drug such as heroin.  Indeed, I have tried illegal drugs only a handful of times in my life (Ecstasy twice and marijuana thrice.)  I have not tried them more than that, in part, because I had essentially zero response to them.

But I have to say that withdrawal from Lexapro, which I am currently undergoing, is no real picnic either.  (I alluded to it only briefly in a previous post, but I am blogging about it now because it has gotten worse, not better.)

I started taking it a couple of years ago mainly as the result of a very bad relationship: He was crazy, so I went on medication.

Somewhat ironically, the drugs helped me see what a rotten boyfriend he was, so I decided I couldn't be around him anymore.

Lexapro did good things for me.  It made me much happier and social, and helped me better deal with adverse situations.  But on the downside, it makes you much more sensitive to weight gain, especially if you fall off the workout wagon for any length of time.  It can also decrease your sex drive, although that is admittedly a blessing for me under normal circumstances, and the effect moderated with time anyway.

When the doc was originally experimenting with the proper drugs and dosages for me nearly two years ago, I went off Lexapro entirely for a short time before going back on it.  The withdrawal was unpleasant.  Primarily, I felt dizzy and sometimes even on the verge of blackout, especially when moving my head around.  Worst of all was at least one full-fledged panic attack I endured, the first ever in my life.  It was triggered by a work setting that I am no longer in.

But even without the panic attacks, this period of withdrawal seems longer and more severe. Maybe it is because I'm battling jetlag on top of it all.  I feel so woozy and disconnected from my body and brain, and I have been on the edge of falling asleep at the most inopportune times.  I am just glad I have a long flight ahead of me to try to readjust.

I decided to go off the drug for the reasons described above, but also because when I moved to New York, the five prescription refills I had in DC would not transfer across state lines.  I had never intended to live the rest of my life needing psychotropic drugs flowing through my veins, so now seemed like the ideal time to see if I could cope without chemical assistance.

I also have the benefit of having traded up from a fucked-up, alcoholic boyfriend to the ideal mate.  I know he will help me get through this, or anything else.

I'm sure he won't mind what happens to my sex drive when I come off SSRIs, either.

Comments

[Kevin]

excellent news, M. hang in there - we love you. you'll be great on the other end.

[The Malcontent]

Thanks, Kev, and great season premiere.

[Kevin P.]

I'm acquainted with Lexapro too. It really really helped me and I don't regret taking it. I didn't have the same side effects but going off it was tough! And I did have the most unusual vivid dreams. The thing that struck me most odd about them was how rational they seemed. It wasn't the usual weird things your mind comes up with. I had no idea it could be related to stopping the SSRI!