Going Where Too Few Have Gone Before

If you are a listener of the Howard Stern radio show, then surely the coming out of George "Sulu" Takei comes as no surprise whatsoever.  If Takei's interviews themselves weren't enough of a clue, then Howard's phony phonecalls using manipulated soundbites where Takei discusses his love of "wang" merely encapsulated what everyone already strongly suspected.

But his story illustrates the broad panoply of "coming out" experiences, something that strikes a chord with me:

"It’s not really coming out, which suggests opening a door and stepping through. It’s more like a long, long walk through what began as a narrow corridor that starts to widen. And then some doors are open and light comes in, and there are skylights and it widens. Brad’s my partner, we’ve been together for 18 years. So, I’ve been 'open,' but I have not talked to the press. In that sense, maybe that’s another opening of the corridor there."

It's that revelation about a partner of 18 years that was a actually little shocking to me.  Takei is a gay man, and he is from Hollywood.  Those are two major strikes against any sort of stable, long-lasting relationship right there.

Takei's decision not to be more public until the age of 68 makes a little more sense against the sad backdrop of issues with his family:

"I’ve not had a good experience with one sibling. And I won’t be specific because it’s still a problem. My mother, initially, had some adjustments to make, but she got to like Brad very much. She got Alzheimer’s, and it got very difficult for her, so we moved her in with us. Brad was wonderful. He was a saint. It’s very difficult when you’re dealing with someone with Alzheimer’s. And some of the stages were … horrific. And Brad helped throughout that. She was with us for the last four years of her life. And I owe so much to him."

If only more celebrities would find the courage to come out at the pinnacle of their careers, but better late than never.

Comments

[North Dallas Thirty]

You know, Mal, I'm not really sure I'm comfortable with that last statement you make about coming out "at the pinnacle of their careers".

To me, that implies two things -- one, that we somehow need celebrities to validate our existence, and two, that their personal lives should be subordinated to our need for their star power. The culmination of that logic is that, if they won't, we're justified in doing it for them, the wrongs of which Robbie pointed out previously.

I don't think that that's your intent in the least by any means, but I think we DO need to examine that motivation in the gay community. Just my thoughts.

[The Malcontent]

You are entirely correct, that is absolutely not my intent. I have an extremely narrow view of what constitutes legitimate involuntary outing. "Celebrities" as such don't meet my personal criteria.

However, I think everyone regardless of their level of notoriety needs to make an effort to live honest and genuine lives. Gay and straight people need more examples of gay men who have been in 18-year relationships, whether they starred in a TV series or not.

Whether we like it or not (and I mostly do NOT like it), people do look to celebrities as examples, to an extent. I oerfer those exmaples to be good, and the fact is that this particular man's example would have gone comlpetely unnoticed, were he not "Sulu."

[John S.]

Sorry to be less than serious, but I always thought Sulu was hot on the original Star Trek series.

[taylor Siluwé]

It's funny, looking back on it I never once suspected he was gay. Maybe it's like the questionable DETAILS magazine piece titled, 'Gay or Asian?'

I'm glad he went public. I hope more people find the courage to step up.

Another funny thing ... of all the coming out stories I've heard, never once has someone looked back and regreted it.

At least I haven't heard any such stories.

[Patrick]

On what exactly do you base your opinion that Takei has less of a chance to find a lasting relationship because he's gay and living in Hollywood? As far as understand, that is a false assumption. In fact if you were gay and living in West Hollywood, would you not have a better chance at a long term relationship- considering the fact that there are concentrated populations of gay people in metropolitan areas?

[The Malcontent]

1) It doesn't take being a gay man (like I am) to know that my kind isn't exactly the settling-down kind. Bloggers routinely write posts deriding me (and others) when we hold out monogamy as an ideal. In fact, there is a disturbingly large faction of gay men (less so among lesbians, I would wager) who celebrate promiscuity, which to me amounts to that selfish hedonism that is the shame of the GLBT community. (There's a reason gay men are disproportionately petri dishes for the avant garde STDs, after all.)

Is this kind of attitude routinely countenanced in the straight community? No, it's not.

2) I don't know if George Takei lives in Hollywood, West Hollywood, Burbank or Tarzana. My point is that "Hollywood relationships" are notoriously short-lived, and people "in the industry" will themselves tell you that there are pressures that are unique to them that cut against the grain of long-term commitment.

That Takei has lived for 18 years swimming against those two strong currents is something that I will applaud, and I hope that others would as well.