Welcome, Democrats. Please set your tray tables and spin machines to their full locked and upright positions. We have professional medical staff standing by just inside the terminal at our destination should any of you suffer excessive cranial apoplexy. The captain does regret any severe cognitive turbulence we may encounter during our historical journey. Pundits and New York Times columnists will be on hand with complimentary conscience vouchers for those who've had their understanding of the rule of law shaken free of their complacency compartments. History regrets any emotional or psychic damage this may cause.
We hope you enjoy our in-flight documentaries, "When Presidents Lie to Grand Juries," and its sequel "The Return of Perjury - Republican Edition." The captain would like me to remind you that rule of law should remain safely fastened within the constitution, as during unforeseen partisan spin, these standards may break loose and shake about the political cabin at any time.
If you'll direct your attention towards the windows on your Left, you'll find spectacular views of "It Was Only Sex" Mountain straddling the winding "Perjury is No Big Deal" River. At this time, the crew would like to remind you obstruction of justice or the aisle during drink service is strictly prohibited.
Upon reaching cruising altitude we will begin dinner service. Tonight, liberal passengers will be served crow with a side of irony, a salad of hypocrisy, and inconsistency baked to heavenly perfection.
Your co-captain, Patrick Fitzgerald, would like to take this opportunity to inform our passengers that failure to adhere to any rules set down by this airline or federal agencies will result in prosecution. Regardless of the allure of mile-high membership, "It was just a blow job," has never been a valid defense. Should there be any Republican passengers with us this evening, the co-captain regrets to inform you that your special exemption vouchers will no longer be honored by the airline.
In the next few moments, the captain will be turning off the "No Shrieking Harpies" sign, and passengers will be free to move about dishonestly and enjoy use of the "National Security Indignance" lounge located in the back of the cabin. There, crew member Sandy Berger will be offering complimentary compromised national security documents and personal tours of his impossibly voluminous pants. The captain recommends all liberal passengers lobby for a reduced sentence consisting of no jail time and light fines for any Democratic law-breakers.
Once again, we here on Constitutional Airlines hope our liberal passengers enjoy their perjurous flight with us this evening. Here at Constitutional, we aim to bring our customers smoother travel through the clouds of law so that they may never again seek our competitors, Clinton Air and DNC Dissembling.
Remember, if it's not Constitutional Airlines, it probably deserves punishment.
That was funny. I especially like the book cover. But, I'm starting to think I'm an insufficient political/news junkie; I don't think I got all the references (e.g., Sandy Burger). Was he the guy who had top-secret documents stuffed in his pants or something?
Posted by: Adam | October 29, 2005 at 03:18 PM
I think the wheel of moralities, lesson for the day is, "Hotdogs are made of pig anus's" gah the whole thing is so childish, I usually defend the sitting president because I don't think they could really be trying to hurt their own country but between Clinton giving rocket secrets to the chinese and Libby using CIA operatives for partisan fighting, I think I feel the need for a military dictatrorship....sigh, where are you Augustus...
Posted by: Tim | October 30, 2005 at 11:03 AM