A Wee Little Tale, 10 Years Later

You know that post I just did, linking to the comment I wrote telling where I was and what I was doing exactly 10 years ago on New Year's Day?  Remember?  Rose Bowl, 80 degrees, humiliating defeat?  Here is the rest of the story:

So after the game, I returned to Washington, D.C., blissfully unaware of how much farther my spirits were about to sink.

I would wager that, like me, most residents of the eastern United States remember vividly what happened, or began to happen, 10 years ago tomorrow: the infamous "Blizzard of 1996."

I had gone to see a movie on Saturday, Jan. 6, 1996 with a friend of mine from college.  We were still commiserating about Northwestern's Rose Bowl loss.  As we entered the theater, the night air was crisp; the sky hung low and heavy.  (I don't remember what movie we saw – probably this or this, judging by the release dates.  A crucial literary detail, I realize.)

When we emerged, there was already a good coating of snow on my buddy's Mustang ragtop, and it was still coming down hard.  It would snow and snow and snow, all day Sunday and into Monday.  A few days later, it would snow and snow and snow all over again.

In the end, Washington, D.C., a city totally incapable of dealing with even a dusting of powder – that is, unless it was going up the nose of the mayor at the time, in which case, residents considered it a political resumé-builder – much less mountains of snow, was completely shut down.  The rest of the Northeast was essentially paralyzed too.

It was during the area's second pummeling at the hands of that cold bitch, Mother Nature, that cabin fever really began to set in.  Fed up with my slow-going commutes on desolate roads better suited to Samoyeds, I joined several coworkers after work one evening in a quest to drink ourselves oblivious.

Like any sane and broke Senate staffer would do, we chose the Red River Grill, noted for its extremely cheap beer and drink specials.  I opted for the swirled margaritas, which should have been a giveaway for my colleagues right there.  (The Red River Grill, which occupied a building that was previously a Bermuda Triangle for restaurants, was re-purposed in 2005 as "Union Pub.")

Anyway, by the time I had sobered up, I had met the woman who would eventually, for a time, be my fiancée.

One of my most memorable moments from that night (or, more precisely, the next morning) was my desperate hunt in the huge Capitol Hill rowhouse that she and several roommates shared (a common existence for low-level congressional staff) for a place to relieve my distended bladder.  My search ended in the basement, where I found a toilet standing amidst unfinished walls, with studs but no sheet-rock.  I triumphantly threw open the lid of the loo and had barely unzipped before I was whizzing merrily away.

I urinated for what felt like minutes, carefully squeezed off the last few drops and then toggled the toilet handle.

Nothing.

I tried to flush again.

Still nothing.

I flapped and flapped and flapped the handle as if trying to strike life-saving fire out of flint, but still nothing happened!

This was when I learned that I had just fouled a non-working toilet that wasn't even hooked up to plumbing.  Number one, I felt like a monumental retard.  But number two (if you get my drift) the situation could have been much, much worse.

Some walks of shame are more embarrassing, more memorable – and colder – than others.

But I never did find out who was unlucky enough to happen upon my micturative misfire.

---

So where were you during the Great Blizzard of '96?

Comments

[Sam]

It was during that storm that I found out that my then-wife was cheating on me. Like you, I hadn't come out yet and unlike you, I had gone beyond engagement to marriage. I was snowed in and her boyfriend's wife called me to tell me about the affair. It took my wife days to get back to Ch'ville from her little seaside tryst because of cancelled flights. I thought it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, but it turned out to be the best because it convinced me to get divorced and quit trying to be something I'm not. My whole life changed after that storm and I'll never forget it.

[Queer Conservative]

I was in Atlanta thinking "damn, I'm glad I don't live in DC."

P.S. Did you get a "Word A Day" calendar for Christmas. I mean really, micturative? :-)

[Chad]

I recall that storm very vividly. Senior year of high school, stuck at home for a week straight. The days we missed obviously had to be made up, so instead of graduating on Catchy, Hip Sounding 6/6/96, we received our diplomas on 6/12/96.

... For some reason, I still haven't completely forgiven Mother Nature for that.

(On the upside, we did have flushable toilets in the house.)

[North Dallas Thirty]

Rodeo team practice.

[Mary]

Buffalo. No, I'm not kidding.

[Malcontent]

As Albert Brooks said in Broadcast News, "A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts."

[Donald]

I was in OK City opening a store for my company.
The trainer was stuck in New York. I had to teach a group of women how to fit bras, slips, pantyhose,wedding gowns and other things that will never be part of my life except for earning my paycheck, while a crew of temps (with very few teeth) worked on the store set up. I have been gay since I was 4 I have never been near a woman in a bra but there I was teaching people how they should fit with a bridal gown and the proper way to sell them.

Needless to say by the time the middle weekend of my 12 day stay came I headed to the biggest gay bar in OK city because needed to be with some men, once there I was chased around all night by a cowboy with a fetish for red heads who have glasses. I picked up a six pack and an Inches went back to the Marriot Courtyard and had phonce sex with my man and the whole process started up again Monday morning with what to do when a man comes in and wants to try on a gown and how to dye shoes.

And somehow I miss those days.

[cw]

In Charlottesville, Virginia, studying for the Georgia bar exam. Found that shoveling 24 in. of snow from our driveway (and the neighbors' driveway, and the dirt road out front) was a welcome diversion from reading about the law of commercial paper.

[Dan (AKA GayPatriotWest)]

I was in DC (well, technically Norhtern Virginia), though had experienced a blizzard (as cw above experienced this one) in Charlottesville in '93. I recall stocking up on groceries, then walking with a friend from my apartment in Arlington to the Capitol. It was a lot of fun and an amazing view of a city covered in white. I'm trying to remember where we ate, but I do recall that we found a restaurant open.

cw, did you go to U-VA Law?

[cw]

Dan,

I was there from 93-96. Wahoowa! You?

CW

[North Dallas Thirty]

Needless to say by the time the middle weekend of my 12 day stay came I headed to the biggest gay bar in OK city because needed to be with some men, once there I was chased around all night by a cowboy with a fetish for red heads who have glasses.

LOL.....ah, those long wasted nights at the Habana Inn. :)

[Donald]

NDT
Thanks for reminding of the name.
It was my first and only time there. It was a great place, I just wish I could have enjoyed it more.

[Me is the Ridor]

Was in DC, stranded with a gay friend -- had a bad cabin fever -- my car broke down -- but partied all week long. Since Gallaudet closed as well.

Fun, fun and fun.

R-