Conaway Career Checklist: Do Drugs, Get Fat, Throw Shoes

We promised a Jeff Conaway meltdown, and we're delivering.

Last week, like a good gay site, we focused on Chastity Bono's storyline on "Celebrity Fit Club 3."

But Conaway is our man this time.  Why?

Let's face it, MalcoVision was already pretty heavy (pun intended) on the lesbians yesterday, and besides, substance abusers are much funnier when they're not recovering.

Jeff showed up for a canoe race whacked out of his talentless mind.

His speech was slurred worse than Dick Clark's, he couldn't walk a straight line, and he passed out when he was supposed to be paddling.

He attributed his state, variously, to one Benadryl, two Bendryls, and possibly muscle relaxants.

He was still pretty looped at the weigh-in the next day, and then he went totally off his fa-sheezy, pitching a fit – along with his shoes – when his commitment to the weight-loss contest was called into question.

Our poll last week asked which "Celebrity Fit Club's" girth was most shocking.

Jeff finished a strong third, behind Kelly LeBrock and Chastity Bono:

Which "Celebrity Fit Club 3" fatty's fatness is most shocking?

This week, our poll is less to solicit opinion than to satisfy our morbid curiosity, prevailing upon any potential medical expertise in the audience: Just what drug(s), exactly, is Jeff Conaway on?  Observe his behavior in the following clip and render judgment.

[Watch video – 6:51, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:51, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Comments

[Don]

Classic Jan Michael Vincent syndrome. Talented and beautiful young man can't deal with the pressure, does drugs, makes bad career moves, and ends up a skanky old troll with an attitude problem.

[anthony]

My guess is that GHB is in there somewhere... particularly on the day at the beach. What he was taking the next day at the weigh in I can't guess. But it aint speed or E, possibly crashing on booze with painkillers?

If end up winning the "what's Jeffy on" contest please don't tell my mother... she wouldn't be amused at this level of knowledge.

And as a final thought: spinning fat people? Not a good idea, the centrifugal force could pick up and cause some carnage.

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