Pontificating and Bloviating

As promised, here is the Logo clip:

[Watch video – 3:43, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 3:43, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Comments

[Jamie]

Nicely done, Cowboy.

[North Dallas Thirty]

Indeed, very well-done.

"Malcontent.biz", eh? I smell an upgrade in the works......

[Chad]

Hey... wasn't that guy at my birthday shindig? Need to start rehearsing my "I knew him when..." stories.

[Malcontent]

NDT: Nah, I've had that address since the beginning. It's just easier to tell people that instead of the cumbersome Typepad address. I don't actually view it as a "business," but all the simple URLs were taken.

However, www.the-malcontent.com will get you here too. :-)

[Michelle]

Mal- You outshine them all.

[Malcontent]

Thank you, sweetie. Love and hugs. :-)

[MW]

I don't get it. Are there two of you? One of you was on vividblurry claiming to be hot (this was back when Toby was criticising Brat Boy).

The guy on that show is not hot at all. He's decent looking, but perfectly ordinary. Is there some inflation of what constitutes hot that I'm missing out on, or do I have the wrong guy?

Here's the post on vividblurry:

Ken: I think I'm pretty hot as 35-year-olds go. (Yes, even gays must age.) And my husband is even hotter, thank you. I have no desire whatsoever to have sex with anyone else. Zero. So go project somewhere else, fucknuts.
Posted by: Malcontent | December 16, 2005 01:25 PM

[Malcontent]

Mary, thank you for your "gentle" (for the most part) critique.

I'm always stumped by the fact that people never seem to use the "About Us" page. It explains who Robbie and I are, and where we live.

So yes, there are two of us. And no, you have not mistaken my identity.

I admit it was a moment of temporary hubris and possibly insanity to use the word "hot" in reference to myself. But you will note that I did qualify it by saying "for a 35-year-old," and I was being made to feel defensive by the assault I was under over at Toby's site. You might remember that I was being accused of wanting to sleep with Ethan, which was such utter bullshit, and I was merely pointing out that I am doing just fine with the man I have. (BTW, Toby and I have since buried the hatchet, as far as I can tell. Yes, I got a little too steamed when he took after Ethan, but I think it's just a sign of what kind of friend I am to people.)

Not that you are entitled to peeks into who I am that I don't choose to give, but I have all my own hair and good skin, and -- since most gay guys seem to care about this -- I've never received less than ecstatic praise for what I've got going on "downstairs." For most of my life I've had a good body, although the radical change in my work and living situation in the past few months has been something of a setback there, and I intend to make that a greater priority in the coming weeks and months.

I was called at the last minute for the Logo interview. I had been running on a week that included about four hours of sleep total. (I'm shocked that I was even able to form sentences, as evidenced by my copious use of "uhhh ...") I had been late for an early meeting at work and left the house that morning without shaving or using hair product. But I like the guys at Logo, they're good to me, I enjoy talking to them (it feels more like a good conversation to me than a "TV appearance"), and of course it's good publicity for the site. So I didn't let my vanity get in the way.

I never claimed to have set this site up as a pretext to showcase how beautiful I think I am. I think I'm pretty realistic about how I look. (But congratulations for finding that one little moment of hubris that came while I was, again, under attack.)

As for my husband, he is 1,000 times hotter than I am. Everyone who meets him thinks he is basically model-hot, or close to it. The ones who don't are usually either lying out of jealousy or something, and then there's probably some tiny percentage of the population for whom he isn't their cup of tea. But he has a beautiful face, striking features, sky-blue eyes, a full head of (naturally) blond hair, and the most gorgeous, bee-stung lips you have ever seen. (Again, natural.) He is constantly getting cruised and checked out.

He has been with actors, celebrities and models, who are themselves "hot" and who are still very much in the public eye today. (Out of my loyalty to him, I don't discuss specifics.)

And yet, he chose me. I know he could find much "hotter" than me if he wanted to. But I also know that he would have a hard time finding a kinder, gentler, more decent, loving or loyal person than me. (My IQ and income are pretty "hot" too -- but I guess that would be more "hubris.") We challenge each other intellectually, but we also love to veg, for instance, in front of the latest episode of "Project Runway."

I have not been perfect in all of my past relationships, but because of my love for him and the way he makes me feel, I don't think I've had even a fleeting thought of being with anyone else. In fact, the very idea repulses me -- even a one-time thing with no chance that I would ever be found out. Repellant.

To be honest, I've never had any trouble my whole life getting very hot guys. Perhaps it's because their definition of "hot" is more on-target than your own.

[North Dallas Thirty]

Very sweet, honest, and true-to-life statement, Mal.

And boy, with that kind of flowery prose about your honey, I will wager that tonight will be the night. =)

[Malcontent]

Thanks, NDT. :-)

He doesn't read my blog, though, or any blogs. I'd like to think I was cunning enough to say these things about him out of some ulterior motive, but my whole blog is about telling the truth as I see it, whether about myself or about the world around me. (It's more about having fun and "stimulating," and provocative, though.)

I honestly don't think I'm "hot," so I don't go on and on about it nor do I really post pictures of myself. (Although there are a number of reasons for that.) In fact, I'm usually very self-deprecating. I mean, just look at the headline of this post.

But honestly, I think "perfectly ordinary" isn't exactly charitable or accurate. I've lived a very good and interesting life, and I feel like I am being rewarded because of who I am. I am what I am today because I have worked hard and done it all on my own, but also with the love of family and friends. I might view myself a solid "7" or so in the looks department, but there is nothing "perfectly ordinary" about me.

Mary's entitled to her opinion, though. She might truly believe that; or more often than not, I have found that attacks on my looks tend to come when people disagree with my politics, which tends to make a lot of people who disagree with my politics completely lose touch with reason anyway.

I have had vehement disagreements with Mike Rogers' politics and some of what he does on his blog, for instance. But once when some of his shriller commenters were completely laying into me about how ugly I supposely was, Mike very kindly posted his own comment refuting them and then asking that future comments not be so personal.

But that whole political dimension is another issue ...

[Jamie]

I've never received less than ecstatic praise for what I've got going on "downstairs.

Never anything less than "ecstatic praise?" Boys and girls, welcome to Mecca.

[North Dallas Thirty]

Well, Mal, if I were to see you on the street, I would definitely look twice and give you a smile. And, based on our dialogue here and occasional chats, I find you rather charming intellectually as well.

Are you ordinary? Well, not if we're considering that a perjorative. But I think a lot of what makes your blog successful is that you and Robbie ARE "ordinary" guys, people who are making their way in the world like the rest of us, who worry and rejoice over family, friends, bills, and careers, and bothering to share it as such. Malcontent is a community in the best sense of the word because we ARE our own little online Mayberry, full of all sorts of pleasantly-"ordinary" characters.

And actually, I thought it was interesting that your hubby doesn't read your blog. My husbear is the moderating influence that makes me better as a writer and a person; he's a liberal New York Jewish Democrat, and I'm a conservative Southern Lutheran party agnostic and troublemaker. Before he started reading NDT, I think I was a LOT bitchier, pedantic, and ponderous. I'm still nothing overly special, but we're getting there.

[Dan]

Well, we finally have the answer to the question that's been burning on everyone's mind: Is Mal hot?

Kinda. Sorta. Not too shabby. 7 outta 10. Unlikely to induce nausea. Etc, etc...

Who the fuck cares? That you would dignify MW's 'comment' (more like a half-assed flame, imho) with any response is disappointing. But you not only respond, you go into a tedious and long-winded defense. Mal's packing, huh? Fan-friggin-tastic. That'll make Robbie's next post on the muslim menace even more compelling.

Seriously - a little bit of personal info/'behind the scenes' crap is nice time to time. But what you've going on here (in the comments section - the video was actually quite nice) only supports the whole self-image obsessed fag stereotype. Chill out and learn to ignore crap like that.

Just some constructive criticism.

[Malcontent]

JAMIE: I know it's bad form to brag, and I'd like to think I never do it here, but I'm sure I'll be forgiven for dipping my toe into the waters of human nature after being called "perfectly ordinary." (Correction: I guess Dan doesn't forgive that.)

Which is ironic because the common adjective I have heard in that particular respect is: "perfect." (Ah yes, I'm sure my family members who read my blog are so proud right now.)

At any rate, I won't hold my breath waiting to see Mary's picture.

[Malcontent]

OK, Dan, then I won't bore you about my life growing up being told how ugly I was and what a loser I was and how long it took me to develop any self-esteem whatsoever, and being totally unable to recognize some pretty amazing things I was achieving along the way despite adversity.

I ignore a lot of stuff. That doesn't mean it doesn't sting sometimes anyway.

[MW]

Thanks for clearing that up. No one was attacking your looks. You went a bit overboard there with your defense. I didn't say you were a dog. You're perfectly fine looking. But ordinary. And by ordinary, I mean ordinary looking. You are not hot. Hot is, well, you know what hot is. Models are generally hot. Some athletes are hot. Actors are generally hot. The kind of guys ohlala paris and made in brazil put on their blogs are hot. Ethan is hot. You're not in that league.

But, as you point out, you have lots of other things going for you. Which may be how you define hot. I don't. It's a purely physical thing.

You're a perfectly decent looking middle-aged man, and there's nothing wrong with it. No need to try muddy the "am I hot" waters with a) the interesting life you lived (sweetie, that's not etched on your face) or b) lack of sleep (you didn't look tired), or c) the reflected hotness of your husband, or anything else for that matter.

So calm down. No, you won't be seeing pics of me. But then again, I don't go around telling people I'm hot. Whatever, you put out a good blog. This wasn't meant to be a flame. I just looked forward to seeing the hot Malcontent (as you described yourself) and was a bit disappointed when I got someone who is just ordinary. I'll get over it.

[Dan]

Mal, sweetie, you're not the only gay guy who's been thru the whole 'ugly duckling' thing. For god's sake, I think I made it all the way up to a size 48 pair of jeans in high school. Then I moved into the gayborhood, got some good fashion advice, started going to gay church regularly (that's the gym, for the lingo-deficient) and things turned around quickly. I had a pretty decent face to begin with, but when you added it to a 32" waist, 45" chest and an ass that can nicely fill out a pair jeans well... things change. And boy, did I take it upon myself to flaunt that newfound 'wealth'. We won't go into details, but I'll just say this... my halloween outfit in '02 was very, very popular. Thank god Metro Weekly's online archives aren't that extensive.

A majority of the gay guys I know have been thru this whole thing, there's certainly nothing unusual about it. Fewer have moved onto the next step: putting beauty in its proper context. I'm sure your husband is a nordic god and your dick would put Ron Jeremy's to shame. Mazel Tov. But bragging about it? Using it as a defense whenever somebody says 'Nyah! You're ugly!'?

That's not attractive.

[Dan]

BTW - I think I smell a good blog topic here... hmm... :)

[Jamie]

Hey, what's wrong with looking "ordinary?" I'm pretty "ordinary" yet my bf of 11yrs seem pretty happy with me. Of course, I resemble Mal in some respects. *cough, cough*

Oh, come on, it's a little funny.

And Dan . . . methinks thou dost protest too much. ;)

[North Dallas Thirty]

Jeez, Dan, lighten up. I'm as much of a believer as anyone in the inverse law of beauty -- the more you have to tell people about it, the less you are -- but in this case, Mal gets plenty of slack from me. He responded in Comments to a specific post on a specific situation. He's hardly insisting that he and his husband are the be-all and end-all of male beauty; he's just stating the facts as he sees them, and frankly, I don't see enough (if any) divergence from reality to be worried.

I totally agree with you that far too many gay men are, to use a good Southwestern analogy, more about hat than they are about cattle. That doesn't mean that guys like Mal who do have a good herd going can't talk up their 20X's a bit.

[Malcontent]

You're right, if you're defining terms narrowly, I've never claimed to be hot. Just that one time, in that one circumstance, under duress, with qualifications attached. if Logo loved me for my body, I'd indeed be on a different show. And sincerely sorry to have disappointed.

[Malcontent]

NDT: I'd never make such a claim ("be all and end all") about myself, but anyone who felt differently about my hubbie, well, I would question their taste or sincerity. I'm lucky to wake up and go to bed where I do every day.

(BTW, I am amused how I make one response to one comment after 1,000 posts on a blog that is filled with self-deprecation and humility, and suddenly I'm so high on myself and "defensive"? Not buying it, Dan.)

[North Dallas Thirty]

LOL....well, I must admit to an impure thought.....if I had the capture and Photoshop capability, I'd be tempted to build on those sideburns and..........

[Robbie]

Yeah, so, I just got in from work a lil bit ago. Now I'm wearing a blue button down, black sweat pants, and my hair is in roughly thirty directions for some reason. And I didn't even bother shaving today.

So, who wants a piece, yo.

[Dan]

Admittedly, it's a sore spot for me. I guess it's just a matter of taste when you get down to it. Believe it or not, I think mal's site is one of the more tasteful ones out there. When it's tacky, it's intentionally tacky. That's a good thing. And defending your bf's honor (even tho it's never been attacked) is also a good thing. But between mal's comments here and that whole vividblurry/bratboy mess, I'm seeing something other than 'talking up their 20X a bit'.

You're cute mal. Accept it. Play with it. Enjoy it. But for the love of god, stop taking it so seriously.