It's "The REICHEN! Show" on the Q Television Network! How do I know? Because the no-surname-necessary reality show alum's name is right there, writ large on my screen, like a certain uni-monikered former presidential candidate! (Finally I am starting to get my eight dollar's worth.)
The Anderson Cooper of QTN has seen his facetime on the gay netlet increase to an hour every weekday. And with a face like his, who can blame them?
But as for the show itself, well ... is it soup yet?
"The REICHEN! Show" begins with a monologue of sorts, as REICHEN! come-hithers earnestly into the camera, teeing up the topic of the day. When he wants to look really sincere, he goes all squinty-eyed like George Bush trying to pronounce a four-syllable word. Or maybe he just can't see the TelePrompTer very well.
This episode is all about gays and body image, the seriousness of which is completely undercut by the videotaped opening that follows, wherein REICHEN! lays out his qualifications as show host. Which consist primarily of his having taken his clothes off and revealing his impossibly perfect body, sending gay men everywhere in search of a toothbrush with just the perfect fit to ram down their throats.
The show has a throbbing stars-and-stripes logo that is oddly reminiscent of the "The Colbert Report's" faux-patriotic excess, but which seems more appropriate to Sven's REICHEN!'s Manhunt profile page than to a chat program.
The intro then fades to REICHEN! once again, who is now safely ensconced behind a desk and a laptop computer screen. He is apparently looking not at Manhunt, but at various emailed questions from viewers.
We learn that REICHEN! is joined by not one, but two "guest hosts": a doctor and a comedian, which comes in handy if your actual host is neither knowledgeable nor funny.
REICHEN! handles the emails and phone calls with aplomb, reminding viewers how hot he is and insulting ex-boyfriends along the way, all before tossing it to the first break. The commercial is preceded by a video bumper with the show's logo yet again, and more images of our barely clad host and his finely sculpted abs.
OK, boys: Rinse, wretch, repeat.
[Watch video – 12:18, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 12:18, WMV format, low bandwidth]
Add Reichen to that Heath L./Jake G. list. I always thought Chip was the cuter one.
Posted by: Queer Conservative | January 06, 2006 at 06:49 PM
*watches and live blogs*
Ok, I've seen porn sets more convincing.
Is he really sitting there discussing how hot he is?
Ok, so he is hot . . .
Divorced? Faggot, please.
A laptop and a nice tasty glass of Metamucil.
What are with his facial expressions? He's starting to freak me out.
Yes. I'm sure Reichen is the epitome of monogamy.
There is nothing wrong with this show that a fifth of whiskey couldn't fix.
The younger woman is Katie Holmes after taking a sharpy to her eyebrows.
"I date people uglier than me." He's a philanthropist.
His flirtatious "banter" has that serial killer creepy subtext to it. Maybe it's his eyes.
The only way this show can be saved is if he eventually deep throats the Edward R. Murrows mic.
Posted by: Robbie | January 06, 2006 at 07:12 PM
It looks like one of those 1980s Human Resources training videos.
He keeps stumbling over his words.
Last but not least...who cares?
Posted by: Queer Conservative | January 06, 2006 at 07:40 PM
I'm actually watching another episode as I type this, and I just realized that what is on the wall behind him is the foam "egg carton" style of acoustical-dampening material. You see that kind of stuff in radio and production studios, but not on a television set because it is so god-awful unattractive.
Total class all the way.
Posted by: Malcontent | January 06, 2006 at 08:19 PM
I always thought Reichen's ex was cuter. Getting dumped was probably a blessing in disguise.
Posted by: Dan | January 06, 2006 at 11:02 PM
OK... got thru about 30 seconds before I had to turn it off. Thoughts? Only two. One - he's not all that attractive (eye of the beholder, I know). Two - There's just something about his mens warehouse suit, cheesy set and stilted pitch that screams "I'm not just the hair club owner, but... "
Posted by: Dan | January 06, 2006 at 11:19 PM
I totally did not find him attractive. He seemed like a boring guy to me. He probably got divorced because after Amazing Race, he got modeling jobs which went straight to his head, thinking he could do better...so he was proabalby the one to initiate the divorce
THE SHOW is SOOOO AWAKWARD!!!! Like I feel embarassed for him. ugh.
He should just do porn and not talk. Just make some moaning noises. That's all we need out of his mouth.
Posted by: hey | January 07, 2006 at 03:44 AM
I'll Pass.....
Posted by: Roy | January 07, 2006 at 01:17 PM
Ouch! Nothing like a bunch of vicious catty queens in attack mode!Yeah, indeed that was pretty much a hot mess in many a'way, but were/should anyone's expectations be set that high for a young guy with a face and body like that?
Posted by: louis | January 07, 2006 at 02:03 PM
BTW, newbie question here: I'm a bit befuddled; are Robbie and Malcontent one in the same?
At any rate, I've become a big fan of your fine site. Great job, it's fabulously entertaining!!
Posted by: louis | January 07, 2006 at 02:10 PM
I can honestly say, Louis, that I have never seen Malcontent and Robbie in the same room at the same time.
Hmmm.....Manhattan socialite in high-rise by day, prowling vigilante of Chicago streets by night....holy double identities, Malcontent! :)
Posted by: North Dallas Thirty | January 07, 2006 at 02:48 PM
You can see our "About Us" page here. Robbie is in Chicago; I'm in Manhattan.
And I think I was pretty kind to Reichen! Who else would ever say he handles anything with "aplomb"? :-)
But I think anyone with five or six agents, assistants and PR people should be somewhat, you know, polished.
Posted by: Malcontent | January 07, 2006 at 03:09 PM
LOL....well, we all know that even Bush has his moments, and that's with the entire White House staff.
That being said, though, I think this show should be treated exactly like a porn video; don't watch for the plot.
Posted by: North Dallas Thirty | January 07, 2006 at 03:14 PM
I can be a pretty shallow guy where male pulchritude is concerned and will watch bad TV programs because I like the look of one of the characters. Reichen is handsome and built, no doubt, but...I couldn't get very far. And his two female acolytes were, shall we say, unimpressive.
Posted by: Essem | January 07, 2006 at 11:45 PM
Indeed. Never heard of the guy - that's how loopless I am. But what's interesting is everything that makes this show so clumsy and amateurish: the awful music, the...stylish set, the by-the-numbers approach to the format executed with excess self-adoration and a contrary, this-is-serious-gay-shit ambition.
I'm reminded of the first forays by Blacks into mainstream sitcom world. Just as cheesy, just as old-fashioned, just as determined to painfully follow in footsteps best left unfollowed.
Posted by: Jacko | January 08, 2006 at 06:49 AM
Watching Friday's show totally killed it for me. I watched before and was unimpressed, but Friday's was a show centered on the topic of 'Open Relationships.' Now, I'm in an open relationship (married 11 years, open for 5) so I was naturally interested. The first flaw - Reichen's cohosts on this one were both women - which is fine in general, but the whole topic of open relationships is usually more of a guy thing. Then Reichen and one of his cohosts both disdainfully stated that they weren't in favor of open relationships - within the first five minutes of discussion! How could it be a true discussion if the panel is already aligned with one side of a topic? I don't know the position of the other cohost, because I turned the show off at that point. Too bad, because it is a topical and relevant discussion for a gay audience.
Plus, at the beginning of the show, one of the cohosts gave nutrition "advice" that people should not have more than 200 milligrams of protien per day because the kidneys can't handle it. So basically, 1 egg would kill you since it has 6 grams (6000 milligrams) of protein. I'm sure she meant to say "grams" not "milligrams", but she said it several times with the tone of "expert" advice.
So lame in so many ways. I used to love Reichen when he simply graced my magazine covers. Why did he have to go and throw away my devotion by speaking?!
Posted by: Kappadappa | January 08, 2006 at 05:22 PM
Oh he did not say "I date people uglier than me!" Are you kidding me!? Jesus, I hope he watches where Lindsay Lohan is driving in WeHo.
If nothing else, I look forward to seeing him on Celebrity Fit Club 12, where he will remind us, "remember me... I was hot."
Posted by: Chad | January 09, 2006 at 12:37 AM
Chad, if that manages to happen, I will finally know that Schadenfreude is the most powerful force in the universe.
Posted by: North Dallas Thirty | January 09, 2006 at 02:10 AM
Is there anything good on QTV? Based on the clips you've put up so far it looks like some high school student's media project.
Posted by: Dan | January 09, 2006 at 11:18 AM
Well, there was some soft-core gay porn movie I came across the other night about a young man who descends into a life of prostitution. It looked about 25-30 years old and was originally filmed in Hungarian or something, with English subtitles. As porn goes, though, it was pretty sad.
Posted by: Malcontent | January 09, 2006 at 11:24 AM
The important thing, of course, is the fabulous Malcovision trailer that precedes the clip. You guys look all professional and shit!
Posted by: Aatom | January 09, 2006 at 12:13 PM
Yes, very nice new Malcovision intro.
Someone mentioned facial expressions. I couldn't get over the fact that his left eye blinks about ten times as often as his right. I kept thinking he was winking at the viewers. And (this is gonna sound really queeny) but his eyeliner on his left eye is a lot heavier than the right.
I've seen better handled local access shows.
Posted by: Jamie | January 09, 2006 at 03:11 PM
Reichen is a very handsome man, especially in print photos, and clearly he is a very sincere individual. In addition, it can often take days, weeks or even months for a show like this to find its legs and really take off.
That being said, it was painful to watch. First, the suit was ill-fitting, which I would think would be a TOP priority on a gay TV show. I don't understand the need for the guest hosts, since they really added nothing to the segment. The viewer mail that was supposed to be about "cheaters" was actually about open relationships and completely misused.
Reichen's attempt at being open-minded ("I date ugly guys!") came off as shrill and hollow. He needed to tell that caller that people were not dating him because of his awful pity party personality and not because of his looks or his body. I have a friend who isn't all that hot and he gets laid ALL THE TIME because he has a fun, upbeat attitude and he isn't afraid to hear the word "no."
Reichen doesn't have to worry about his boyfriend still wanting to have sex with him when he is 50, because what else is he going to want to do with him? Talk? He seems like a nice guy, but no one is dating him for his personality either. It's just that unlike that drippy caller, Reichen has other assets to bring to the party. Sadly, none of them help him when he is in a suit, behind a desk and talking.
And out of love and gay unity, I refuse to make fun of his Cindy Brady lisp in the opening monologue.
Posted by: Bitchy Gay Media Person | January 11, 2006 at 03:43 AM
Malcontent,
Doesn't the world have enough stupid gay people in it? God, you're an idiot.
Posted by: Justin | January 12, 2006 at 06:26 PM
Oops! Sorry! Thought you were a supporter of the Reichen show since that's the natural conclusion of your Conservative ideas. You aren't so I was wrong but your Conservative gay stance is still pathetic.
Posted by: Justin | January 13, 2006 at 01:38 PM