The men of American Idol were fairly decent this week, with notable exceptions.
- Gideon - Sure, he's roughly three weeks away from an Aquafresh commercial, but he's a decent singer.
- Chris - It may be impossible, but he gets buffer and sexier every week. I can't quite place who he reminds me of, but his voice and musical style is the kind I've listened to for the past ten years. It's soul-destroying he's a married heterosexual with kids. Life is so unfair.
- Taylor Hicks - Parkinson's is a very interesting choice of choreography. And the rabbit suit. Oh god.
- Elliot - Every time I leave him out, readers ask where he is. So, here. Elliot singing DJ Sammy.
- Ace - Oh, Ace. What have you done? Buff, stubbly, a beanie with that hair. Crazy hotness. And then he starts singing. It reminds me of a commercial a few years back. Asshole stock broker gets in a car accident while on his cell phone and dies. He goes to an afterlife of beautiful women and a large plate of chocolate chip cookes. Heaven! He opens a fridge full of milk cartons. To his horror, all the milk cartons are empty. "Wait. Where am I?!" he gasps. This is Ace. Ace's singing is the empty milk carton after we've taken in his plate of goodies.
[Watch video – 8:08, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 8:08, WMV format, low bandwidth]
Stop talking bad about Ace, I just won't stand for it!
Posted by: Queer Conservative | March 09, 2006 at 02:47 PM
American Idol is beginning its annual slide into self-parody. WTF was that falsetto caterwauling, anyway???
Posted by: Malcontent | March 09, 2006 at 03:10 PM
People will stop talking bad about Ace when Ace starts singing in the vicinity of "in-tune". I personally thought all the males last night were sub-par. My boyfriend included.
Posted by: Chad | March 09, 2006 at 03:16 PM
Hmph - to all 3 of you.
Posted by: Queer Conservative | March 09, 2006 at 03:39 PM
Aw. I'm sorry, guy, but Ace is rapidly burning up all the goodwill he earned with the hottest verbalization of the word "naked" in all history.
It's a damn shame.
Posted by: Robbie | March 09, 2006 at 05:01 PM
At least Ace has one loyal fan. One good performance next week and all you fair weather biatches (except for Chad) will screaming "I wanna beanie" like teenage girls.
Posted by: Queer Conservative | March 09, 2006 at 07:07 PM
I guess America agrees with me. Ace is it baby.
Posted by: Queer Conservative | March 09, 2006 at 08:49 PM
"Fair weather biatches". Look... Ace is probably the odds on favorite to win this year and that's what bothers me. While he's got the look, he's not the most talented.
.... But he does have the look.
Damn does he have the look.
Posted by: Chad | March 09, 2006 at 10:57 PM
And Kev.... America also agreed that Chicken Little should be in the Top 12. So let's not go and put too much weight on what "America thinks".
Posted by: Chad | March 09, 2006 at 10:58 PM
Hey - Chicken Little was better than Crash. I'm just sayin...
Posted by: Queer Conservative | March 09, 2006 at 11:11 PM
no way Ace is going to win this year. no matter how many come-hither glances he throws at the camera, nothing can cover up the fact that he's just not as good as Elliot or Chris.
i vote for Chris. i want to rub his bald head and make him MINE.
Posted by: Tulip | March 09, 2006 at 11:19 PM
American Idol has very little to do with talent. I think one of the girls will win this year. Chris is too "rock and roll" as the kids say these days. As for Elliot, he won't have time for a music career, he needs to start planning how he's going to get the ring all the way back to the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie...
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Gracias! This article is exactly what I was googling for.
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