Idol: The Final Three Become Clear - UPDATE

I was unable to complete my video capture of last night's "American Idol," owing to technical and time constraints.  Unless faithful Robbie pulls my bacon out of the fire today, I might give it another go this evening.

But for now, I do have this:

It says so much.

I mean, really, now.  Just when I think Ace Young has reached a cheesy new nadir, he somehow manages to plumb heretofore uncharted, cheddary depths.  He chose "standards" night to come out looking like Gordon Gecko, a strangely macho choice when contrasted with his puny falsetto.  Sorry, Randy, it might be Ace's bread and butter, but that's only because he can't sing in a normal register.  He should be gone tonight, but won't be, for at least two reasons.

The first is Kellie Pickler.  Wooo-WEE, did she stink up the joint last night!  She could have had another hour looking around the studio, and she still wouldn't have found the pitch.  But maybe that's because she was too busy searching for the accompaniment, which she was about two beats ahead of near the end of her song.  I'm trying to remember the last time a finalist blew a performance so badly this late in the game.  For this back-stretch swoon alone, she should be sent walking.  But I doubt she will be.

That's all because of Elliott Yamin.  Poor Elliott.  Poor, powerful-voiced yet tragically vanilla Elliott.  His performance was better than most (i.e., Kellie, Ace, Paris, and possibly Taylor), but it was subpar for him.  With that mug and his charisma deficit, he will probably get the boot tonight.  It will be unfair, of course, but I think that Kellie's stunning outfit and Idol "look" will be enough to get her ditzy ass through to next week.

Is Kellie's country bumpkin routine really a ruse, though, as even Ryan suspects? She seemed genuinely perplexed whether "words" and "lyrics" were synonyms.  UPDATE: I was just reminded of when Kellie told Rod Stewart that he had "taken a load off [her] chest," followed by Stewart's dumb-founded expression, and Kellie's complete lack of comphrension at the double-entendre she had just stumbled into.

Ironically, even though I generally enjoyed the performances last night as a group more than any out of the final 12, it has revealed this season's Achilles' heel.  The fact that the contestants were able to excel in a genre that dates back some 60 years shows just how weak they have been at the kind of modern music that will ultimately be demanded of the winner.

My final three: The only two I believe genuinely deserve to win are Chris Daughtry (who looked extremely hot in a bad-boy way that was somewhat blunted by a goofy ascot) and Katharine McPhee (who gave me goosebumps).  I would prefer the former but would be happy with the latter.  However, I think voters will place Taylor Hicks ahead of at least Daughtry, if not McPhee as well.  That Simon Cowell is finally saying nice things about Taylor suggests that the haughty Brit knows which way the wind is blowing.

UPDATE: Robbie very kindly cut and uploaded some video highlights.  So I guess now I can call this post "A Malcontent Joint."

[Watch video – 9:00, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 9:00, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Comments

[Queer Conservative]

THAT'S IT! Gordon Gecko. I was trying to put my finger on what that "look" Ace was sporting reminded me of. Thanks.

The only one I genuinely want to see get tossed, tossed, TOSSED is Taylor Hicks - and his idiot-savant talent for imitating soul singers.

I. Loathe. Him. I've loathed him and his "twitching" and "wooh-ing," since the auditions.

[Jamie]

I forget precisely what it was, but Rod Stewart said some funny shit last night.

And the bald guy's rendition of "Wonderful World" was by far the best performance of the night. Elliott wasn't even close.

[Patrick]

Katharine wasn't as great as the judges made her out to be. She started out weakly, even hitting a clunker of a note in the first line of the song, so sour it made me cringe. Go Elliot!

[Patrick]

P.S. Dialidol.com has Ace getting the boot tonight. They have a pretty good track record for predicting who goes...

[Jamie]

Chris, I mean.

[Malcontent]

Well, Kellie sings better than he does, but not by much -- and she SLAUGHTERED her song last night.

But maybe there is a God after all.

[Chad]

I will say this about Pickler - at least she knew she threw up on the microphone. Ace (with the slim exception of last night) is consistantly on the shit-end of every note he sings and manages to be absolutely perplexed every time he ends up in the bottom three.

I'm not a fan of either, but I'd still rather see Ace go before Kellie. At least her stupidity makes her somewhat entertaining.

[GulfIslandGuy]

I agree with your picks to win. Persoanlly, I hope Katherine McPhee wins.
I'm surprised you didn't comment on the young gal. I can't recall her name at the moment & she's not my favorite by any mean, but I thought she did a spectacular job with her somg.
Daughtry is pretty darned good, though.

I'd f*ck ol' Ace Young (as long as he didn't say anything). Afraid I'd have to rapidly leave any room Yamin, Hicks or Pickler are in..although she's grown on me a little with her country gal dodo act.

[Kevin]

I'm afraid I don't see a break out leader this year. Yawn! The season will be known as "Who won in Season 5?" or, we just won't care. I think that Paris killed on her song, but certainly would agree with Simon regarding her speaking voice. Shh!! Less talking and more singhing.

[el polacko]

the twitches and woos have got to go... but probably won't. they praised taylor for "making the song his own" at the end, but he was doing aretha's ending .. poorly.
i like ace with the hair away from his face, but cut off the ponytail.. i thought it was a bun at first.. haha.. but the song choice was actually perfect for him so he was more okay than usual.
katherine did a better job with her song in the rehearsal, but she still comes off as totally beauty pagent to me.
paris .. eh.. grow up and then we'll talk.
elliot, as rod said, has 'the pipes' and i thought he was impishly cute but they dissed him for 'lack of personality' anyway so i'm afraid the handwriting is on the wall.
and what can you say about kellie ? if each performance counts, as they are wont to say, then she deserves to be on a mule back to the ozarks..pronto !
what struck me overall is that songs become 'standards' for a reason : they are GOOD songs, unlike the usual contemporary dreck these kids warble.

[woodbeez]

Why no love for Taylor? I don't get it. He could sing to me anytime. (As a caveat, he seems to be really popular with 50+ female crowd. Maybe I need a sex/age change)

[HollywoodNeoCon]

Ace always reminded me of those foppish little twinks who always thought they were the sexiest guys in the room.

What really pissed me off is that they usually were, so I'm of course intellectually honest enough to admit I was thrilled to see his "Guy from Creed"-looking ass booted back to East Jesus, new Mexico, or where the hell he's from.

Blech.

Eric in Hollywood

[Mario]

Katherine will definately be the winner......she is absolutely gorgeous, and can flat out sing! Powerful in many ways....

[Patrick]

She can also sing out flat!

[Michele]

I was very glad to see "pretty boy" Ace Young go. It was long overdue! Another one that needs to go is the Pickler chick...she just flat out gets on my nerves!!!!! Time to go back to the chicken farm in the deep back woods. Paris can go too. Elliot is good, when he puts his mind to it, he can really sing. Chris, Katherine & Taylor are my all time favorites. Taylor can sing is ass off! I'm not one for Rock music, but Chris can sing to me any day!!!

[Queer Conservative]

Taylor Hicks...

pthuh ptuh! yuck.

[xxxjenxxx]

taylor hicks has more stage talent and personality than the rest of the yoo hoo's put together (except chris mmmmmmmm!) i'll be happy when mcphee goes, i've checked my speakers on my tv, they seem to be working right she just sucks!!!!

[Jessy]

i love kellie pickler.. she does have talent.. maybe its because ive never heard the song she sang before but i thought she did pretty well.. i think she's wicked cute and i dont think she is pretending to be ditzy either. Obviously america agrees with me.. miss pickler has never been in the bottom three.. i honestly believe she will go all the way. Maybe not win it. But definitly final three.

[meg]

What is wrong with Taylor Hicks, i think he is awesome... and he's not that old... i mean the age limit for american idol is 28 so therefore, he can't be older than that... actually he's 29 but he was 28 when he tried out. I WANT EITHER TAYLOR OR KELLIE TO WIN!

[Chad]

Mal, can you broaden your banning policy to include Pickler fans? These people just can't be reasoned with....

[Mary]

American Idol is a joke to even have kellie on, she is just there to look at not to hear sing.

[Kassondra]

Are you guys watching the same show I am Kellie SUCKS she should have went home wednesday Everytime she's ready to perform I turn the channel!!! She is HORRIBLE!!!! Go Elliott!!!!

[Queer Conservative]

Taylor Hicks...

pthuh ptuh! yuck.

Tourette's Syndrome isn't a personality trait.

And if he's 29 then Joan Rivers has never been under the surgeon's knife...

Idol needs to get a forgery expert to give Hick's birth certificate a good going over...

[Chad]

Maybe Mary Mapes could head up that investigation. She's great with that sort of thing.

[Queer Conservative]

Chad, don't tell me you're throwing over Chrissy to root for Twitchy?