Quote of the Morning

"Poor bastard took it better than a gay porn star. ... Wait, he did take it from a gay porn star." — Rep. Linda Sanchez, (D-CA) on Scott McClellan (from "DC's Funniest Celebrity" contest, as quoted by The Hotline, sub. req.)

Comments

[Jamie]

Ouch.

[Queer Conservative]

What's the context of that quote?

[Malcontent]

It's an annual contest where DC "celebrities," such as they are, compete at stand-up comedy. It's not like she was giving a speech on the House floor.

I'm sure the full Hotline will have more when it runs at noon or 1 p.m. today, and I'll see what I can find then.

[Queer Conservative]

That's what I was hoping the context was - but you can never tell with politicians...

[Malcontent]

OK, The Hotline's report is up, which I am providing in full unless you want to pay the several-thousand-dollar subscription to read it yourself:

DC's FUNNIEST CELEBRITY: Guilty Pleasure

      It's always difficult to chronicle the exact time when you realize you're enjoying something you shouldn't. You know, the moment you suddenly find yourself bopping along to your 5-year-old's Raffi album or glued to an episode of Someone's "Super Sweet 16." And while you can never say at exactly what moment it happens, sometimes watching something that common sense would dictate should be all wrong, can be a highly a enjoyable experience. And such was the case last night when DC's "celebrities" gathered for an all star performance of the "Funniest Celebrity in Washington," a charity event benefiting Bread for the City.
     
It is unclear how the celebrities who performed-- celebrities that ranged from Bill Regardie to Matt Cooper -- earned the impressive distinction but it had something to do with them being politicians or journalists. We think. Bob Somerby, introduced with such credentials as "being on the O'Reilly Factor 6 times" achieved a kind of accidental brilliance as the MC (The theme here is low expectations). DC Fishbowl's Patrick Gavin and syndicated columnist Cal Thomas, who gave the evening's first and second performances, managed to walk away unscathed from their routines simply by keeping them short. (Thomas' act went something like this: "gas prices are high, but Starbucks coffee costs $4.... hellloooooooo").
     
So we had no place to go but up, and miraculously that's what happened. In the 3rd performance of the night ex-USA Today columnist Walter Shapiro chronicled his battle with unemployment, in a well conceived, self--deprecating routine that played well for the balding beta man. Shapiro received a good amount of laughs when he described how he made the visceral and common move to Harvard's Kennedy School after he lost his job. Heads nodding.
     
Rep. Linda Sanchez (D-CA) then took to the stage with such gusto that she had the audience believing she was not only born to perform, but also probably conceived for that very purpose. She was a natural-- bursting onto the stage in a bedazzled shirt that spelled out "Katrina." She described how Kathrine Harris made good use of her chest, and pointed out that she was well endowed herself, saying, "I feel like a moron that I didn't think of that."
     
Sanchez described Congress like a high school, saying that "Dick Cheney would be that weird kid who tortures animals-- the one too weird for Dungeons and Dragons." The only thing she was missing was a reference to Magic: The Gathering. The audience rewarded her appropriately.
     
CNN's Jamie McIntyre then took to the stage in a shtick he devoted to ways he applies Rumsfeld's non-answer-answers to his daily life. McIntyre said he avoids accountability in his daily life the same way Rumself does; telling his wife he knows he came home late but "it could have been worse" and "you have to go to bed with the husband you have, not the one you want."
     
Matt Copper [sic] was the headline attraction and judging from his Goodfella's Henry Hill-like entrance, he knew it. Cooper effortlessly glided to the stage in his red power tie, but unlike the rest of the affable comedic gang that performed last night, he might have suffered from his own star power. Various Novak jokes fell flat, so Time's man went back to another time. Cooper, who won the "funniest celebrity title" in 1998, flashbacked to 90's reference after 90s reference, resurrecting impressions of Bill Clinton and Al Gore after smoking marijuana, grabbing at jokes of later and, perhaps happier times for Cooper as stand-up comedian.
     
Still, Cooper, along with all the other performers proved to be enjoyable. Sometimes enjoyable in the same way "Baby Beluga" is catchy -- but enjoyable nonetheless (Hotline reviewing, 4/28).

[Kevin]

She makes it sound like it's a bad thing.

[Donald]

Kevin
It depends on the porn star. Have you seen some of signature lines of dildos? You would have to be a professional.