The Will & Grace Marriages

What happens when opposite sex best friends marry young, and one spouse realizes over time they're gay or bisexual? What happens when they want to keep the marriage together after one partner comes out? Recently, Montel Williams tackled with subject with two couples. The first is a heterosexual man married to a bisexual woman. The second is a gay man and a straight woman.

Watching this, it was difficult for me not to see the heterosexual spouses as doormats, willing to give up anything and everything to hang on to a partner who may not be entirely right for the marriage. Even Montel seems to recognize this, losing patience with his guests entirely at one point.

However, psychotherapist Joe Kort, a contributer to our blog buddy Ex-Gay Watch, sits down with the guests and explains to them, and us, the dynamics of "responsible nonmonogamous relationships," whether they can work or not, and the increasing complexities of coupledom and marriage in an America rapidly expanding to fit many different sexual identities.

[Watch video – 9:06, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 9:06, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Comments

[James]

Call me a cranky bitter queen of color, but if it's on Montel it must be tired and played out!!! Is there a bigger windbag in all of television? (let's take out the O'Reilly and Oprah).

peace

[PatrickP]

This sort of thing is so sad and pathetic. In my reparative (ex-gay) therapy days I held out hope that I would at the very least achieve enough change to maintain a heterosexual marriage. The one thing that ultimately made me give up that idea, even before I gave up on reparative therapy, was the thought that I would be marrying a woman just so I could have a “normal” life. I decided that a woman deserves to have a man that feels passionately about her; someone who is blown away just by looking at them. I do not think it is fair of gay men to marry women just to have the semblance of a normal life.

When a man comes out after he has already been married it is not surprising that the wife would want to try to remain together. The husband might be gay, but she still loves him and he’s still her husband and often her protector and provider.

What’s pathetic are women who agree to remain married while their husbands have sex with other people.

And James: You’re a cranky, bitter, queen of color.

[Tommy]

Sad is right. It must be unbearable to be the straight partner. Although, I am sure both partners, often talk themselves into the situation or changing it -- being blind-sided by something so irreconcilable would really suck.

And James: I'm sure your a beautiful, cranky, bitter, queen of color.

[Malcontent]

James: I love queens of color, especially the cranky, bitter ones.

[Queer Conservative]

What color exactly?

[James]

QC,

The kind that Wesley Snipes made so famous in "Passenger 57": "Always bet on black."

:-)

peace

[Tommy]

Damn! That's Hot!

[PatrickP]

Now having had the opportunity to view the video segments (can't access it at work) I would like to state very clearly that I think the idea of "responsible non-monogamy" is BULLSHIT.

[raj]

Note to Patrick: if you don't want to enter into a relationship that is non-monogamous, the obvious answer is: "don't." But what is it to you that other people might wish to?

I don't pay much attention to the TV talk shows, largely because it is clear that they get the "outer-fringes" on for their guests. I'm sure that Joe Kort believed that it was nice that he was invited to appear on the program, but it is probable that he was there merely to suggest to the viewing audience that the program had some professional imprimature.

[PatrickP]

Note to Raj: What is it to me? Well, nothing, but seeing as there is a place for comments, I thought I'd leave mine. Got a problem with that?

[NR Davis]

I wish the show hadn't been so focused on the het spouse and on nonmonogamy. What about those couples who opt to remain together? How does the gay spouse deal with the sex part? How do mixed-orientation couples that choose to be celibate rather than commit adultery? The gay spouse sacrifices and suffers too.

[trillian]

Not all straight women who are married to gay men are doormats just because they allow their spouse to have sex with men. I am in a very loving relationship with a gay man, our marriage contract has been re-written to include non-monogomy. We both date other men. That may not fit the June Cleaver's dream marriage, but it works very well for me. And if I wasnt getting out of this relationship what I needed to lead a happy, healthy life, then I would be sooooooo out of here!

I dont care for the "pathetic doormat" lable, as it does not apply to me. Believe me, I would not have to live alone if I left my husband.

Sometimes you have to think outside the box. I doupt that I would have considered polyamory if I had not found myself married to a gay man, but its been a true blessing for me.
trill

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