Judy and Eva Conquer All

I am ever so barely resisting the impulse to gush for paragraphs on end about the transcendent Kat moment on last night's American Idol. Slaves that we are to shrine building when a Judy song - and that Judy song in particular - is done so exquisitely, we'll wait for the proper time and place. It will be difficult.

Elliott, poor Elliott. Rather bland renditions of perfectly neutral songs. The selection may have sunk him. While a Yamin/Hicks finale seemed destined, he faded to an elevator top 40 in the face of his competition. With a vibrato to make steel girders tremble ominously, I look forward to spending hours in the produce section of the local grocery while being serenaded by his inevitable album.

Taylor Hicks was forced to stand there and sing . . . and failed utterly. Despite the drug-addled praise of judges, our resident marionette on acid warbled off-key through "You Are So Beautiful." Sensing danger as an army of housewives came to the slow realization that albums don't come with the freak dancing, Taylor quickly set to work to work repairing the damage via over-laden hypnotic limb jerking.

Katharine. My Katharine. My acapella, Eva Cassidy channeling Katharine. More than politics, more than marriage, more than partisanship. If the gay masses do not lift Katharine McPhee on a golden divan and carry her through the streets to victory, I will hunt you all down with an efficiency to make Fred Phelps blush. Yes, the execrable Clive Davis made her shriek her way through that wretched R. Kelly song. It wasn't her fault. It was sabotage! Come now, my pink hordes. Unleash your powers of fabulousness and bring down the Hicks abomination. He's who straight people want to win. We'll not stand for that sort of thing as a people, will we?

[Watch video – 10:50, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 10:50, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Speaking of the strange and bizarre, the judges were once again tonsil deep in the Jesus juice. We've seen 28 Days Later. We know where Paula's behavior leads. By season's end, Simon will be discussing each contestant's personal journal and how shimmery-shiny their natural selves are. He will generously pepper sentences with "amazing" and "adore" and idly flip through a portfolio from Ace Young's recent photo shoot.

Mal has put together all the weirdest moments, including yet another reason to burn Taylor Hicks in effigy.

[Watch video – 2:02, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 2:02, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Comments

[Patrick]

Elliot really blew it last night. He coulda been a contenda!

[Malcontent]

DialIdol has Elliott going home, but just BARELY, over Kat. Taylor still leads by 3 percentage points.

I hope Podhoretz's column was right, and that if Kat stays on, she can build a coalition with most of Elliott's voters (or vice versa).

Taylor has a distinctive voice, kinda, sorta, but he is NOT Idol material. Period. It's empirical. Anyone who disagrees is a retard.

[Patrick]

I do not disagree, but I think he will win. I don't much care for Katharine anyway. I totally disagree with the judges re: Over the Rainbow. If Sam Harris were dead, he'd have rolled over in his grave. The runs she sang gave me the runs.

Where is Sam Harris now?

[Jamie]

OMG! Could it be? Has Robbie found religion?

'Cause he's acting like Katherine is the second coming of Judy herself.

Have mercy.

[louis]

Jamie's on a roll of late.

;)

[Alan]

I completely agree with Patrick. Musically speaking, Kat is simply unable to sing a song as it was written, and her efforts to make a song "her own" often leaves her sounding like a strangled kitten. As odd as Taylor's ticks might be, and as little versatility as he's shown musically, he probably played it just safely enough to get to the finals. The worst you can say about Elliot is he had an opportunity to hit a home run, and only managed a ground-rule double (that sports metaphor was for Robbie's benefit). I'm hoping for Elliot and Taylor because I'm more hopeful Elliot could prevail in that final. I'm not sure I care who wins a Kat vs. Ticks final.

[Robbie]

Hrmmm. You lot don't seem to realize that Kat's rendition of the song was based on Eva Cassidy's masterpiece.

If I see gay men speaking against Eva Cassidy, there will be blood. And tears. And possibly glitter.

[Patrick]

Regardless of the version she was covering, my feelings on her performance remain. Any why must she sing on the floor?

[Tommy]

Whois Eva Cassady? Is that the homo in the 1980's with the freekishly deep voice who sang 'Ovah the Rainbow'?

[Jamie]

Jamie's on a roll of late

Why, thank you. I've been quite riled up by a jackass who's just returned to the Homomojo forums, so I needed an outlet for the humorous part of me. Thanks for the indulgence.

BTW, if you wanna see me tear into a real prick who used to be on the mojo staff, check out this thread.

I think I'll be starting my own blog soon. I registered for a Wordpress account today. The last couple of months I've written more in the Malcontent's comments sections than anywhere else.

[Patrick]

The late Eva Cassidy was a singer who had a bit of a resurgence a few year back with an album called I think "Songbird". Her popularity is much greater in the UK than here. Here's a link to a fansite.

[Patrick]

Sorry, that's a bad link. Try this.

[Tommy]

Thanks, Patrick.

So you don't by any chance rememeber the name of that mo in the 1980's who sang OTR in a minorly successful video.

[Patrick]

The only 80's mo I can think of would be Sam Harris, who I mentioned earlier... is this the guy?

[Jamie]

why must she sing on the floor?

That's where she's most comfortable? Uh-gotta go. I hear Robbie loading his shotgun with glitter.

[Robbie]

Words against my Kat?!

I will pepper you like a seventy-eight year old attorney.

[Addison]

So, has anyone else seen the Taylor Hicks Pacman thing?
http://www.taylorhickspacman.com

[el polacko]

i'll give simon credit for picking a song that "suited" kat's screechy beauty pageant singer style .. i would have been interested to see what song he would have chosen for the other two... but to say that she was GOOD is simply going too far.
it was shocking how terrible the next-to-last episode of the series was. poor elliott has never developed a bit of stage presence, and that other guy .. jesus christ, I can sing 'try a little tenderness' better than that ! .. especially after a few too many brews. if they don't snag some actual talent next season, i'd say this thing has totally jumped the shark.

[Craig Ranapia]

Robbie wrote:
We've seen 28 Days Later. We know where Paula's behavior leads.

What, Paula is twenty seconds away from turning into a homicidal, rage-filled zombie? :) Or do you mean that Sandra Bullock film where you know you're really fucked up when Steve Buscemi is the most attractive, rational guy in the room?

Oh, and could someone tell these stupid women that it's not attractive to look like you're sucking off a just out of reach pinata?

[Brad]

Geez, get a hold of yourself man!

[james]

Robbie is the wisest man on earth. he loves both pods and mcphee. Kindred spirits, is what we are...

[Robbie]

It's a burden to have the phenomenal taste that we do.

[james]

so today i was listening to some very nice talk radio, hosted by a couple of very nice ladies who are oh, i'd say, 50-ish, and at least one woman of that age demo called in to say she voted for taylor FOUR TIMES! i used to think the idol voting was a farce because of the teenaged girls flooding the phone lines -- turns out this time around it's their moms who are voting early and often!

[Robbie]

I'm sayin'. On a message board I post on, women 35+ love love LOVE Taylor Hicks.

They must be stopped. I did not stick with an entire season of American Idol to endure that man as the winner. As I told Mal, can't we get a disgruntled Chris Daughtry fan up in a clock tower?

[el polacko]

we can always hope that paula will finally snap and start shooting.. haha.. but she'll have to wrench the weapon out of simon's hand before (or after) he blows his own brains out.