Descending from on high to a heavenly choir of keening housewives, earth mother and prophet, the Oprah, graced the jabbering monkey pit of the View to spread her wisdom and beneficence to all her adoring disciples. Starr Jones Reynolds rendered an almost eucharistic oral polishing. Buffy Walters stood, bowed, deferred, and wandered in tongues, as is her way in the face of deific celebrity.
Fresh off her ascension to the throne of the Almighty, the Oprah incarnated at 10 AM this morning to promote her upcoming ABC special, Legends Ball. If any of us mistakenly believe She means the title eponymously, She will forgive us. It has been several years since Our Lady of Godiva has walked this plane as mere mortal. She transcends legend, and should any doubting Thomases disbelieve, Gayle King will bust your knee caps. When Robert Langdon and Sophie Neveu drew too close to the Oprah's secrets . . . let's just say they were found face down in the Chicago River, bodies mutilated nearly beyond recognition.
So, by multiple reader request, Oprah on the View. (the graphic, naturally, provided by Mal)
[Watch video – 13:08, WMV format, high bandwidth]
[Watch video – 13:08, WMV format, low bandwidth]
Robbie, you're as bad as Rodney "Ho"!
Teach you for not linking to a gay site ...
Posted by: Malcontent | May 12, 2006 at 07:39 PM
Extraordinarily clever Robbie
Posted by: louis | May 12, 2006 at 07:53 PM
Luv the post. Special mention for the illustation. Can't bare to watch the video. Thanks.
Posted by: Tommy | May 12, 2006 at 08:15 PM
Hmmm ... I dunno, Jesus didn't have a plunging bodice.
Posted by: Malcontent | May 12, 2006 at 08:46 PM
I see me some pecs. (Special code for gay is good.)
Posted by: Tommy | May 12, 2006 at 09:27 PM
Darn....I was hoping for a miracle of some sort. Like the making over of the five thousand, or the healing of the weight-impaired....or maybe turning water into low-calorie chocolate-flavored diet drink.
(rips up envelope containing five-figure donation to Archbishop Robbie)
Posted by: North Dallas Thirty | May 12, 2006 at 10:50 PM
Maybe Jack can create a painting w/ him wearing one.
Posted by: blewsdawg | May 12, 2006 at 10:59 PM
And a new 'do.
And nails. A manicure for Jesus would be nice.
Posted by: blewsdawg | May 12, 2006 at 11:00 PM
I love Oprah Winfrey. Business Week reported that she's given a quarter of a billion of her own money to charity, and yet she's so down to Earth. There's no one I respect more.
Posted by: jeck | May 12, 2006 at 11:42 PM
Does this mean Joy Behar is really Judas?
I knew there was something about that woman I didn't like.
Posted by: Jamie | May 13, 2006 at 12:05 AM
Yeah, at least you get the feeling that she'd at least let you use her bathroom, if you were a guest at one of her homes, unlike one of her disciples this morning (whose questionable weight-loss methods have been gossip fodder long before her rumored departure from said morning program). But I hear from those who've been graced with the opportunity with a personal audience with Her Holiness that she's still a diva, otherwise down-to-earh or not. And of course, as author and recovering druggie James Frey can attest, you do not want to piss off The Oprah.
And what was with all the cleavage, anyway? It was as distracting as the Sacred Heart is in all those icons of Jesus...
Posted by: Scott | May 13, 2006 at 12:07 AM
I gained so much respect for Oprah when she confronted that well-to-do frat boy James Frey face to face on live TV and held him accountable for misleading her audience making him squirm for the hour. Too bad more media figures didn't hold their guests accountable for dishonesty. James Frey is a grown man in his mid thirties. Should be man enough to handle some tough questions on Oprah.
Posted by: tosh | May 13, 2006 at 12:49 AM
WHO IS THE trader in the table???
it is....the chick named Starr Jones..she is leaving the VIEW , she wont be returning for next season. She got fired.
Posted by: d | May 13, 2006 at 02:12 AM
I love the name of the JPG. "Oprah_h_christ" Nicely done!
Posted by: HeardFives | May 13, 2006 at 08:49 AM
That was mean of the View bitches to put Terri Hatcher on after Oprah. After Oprah, there are NO other guests- just mere mortals posing as gods.
Seriously, why didn't they put Terri on first and have her on for one segment? Oprah is a tough act to follow.
Posted by: LikeOMGFab | May 13, 2006 at 11:06 AM
omg. OPRAH IS HUMAN! She has done great things, but she's still a human. and recently, like redhaired-faghag said, she got fat! yay more evidence she is human.
Posted by: weirdo | May 13, 2006 at 06:23 PM
Well, earth mothers ARE expected to have ample bosoms, wouldn't you think? Hips and thighs would be a bonus. :)
Posted by: North Dallas Thirty | May 13, 2006 at 07:32 PM
i want to suck earth mother's breasts....it will nourish me!!!!
Posted by: i want oprah now! | May 13, 2006 at 08:24 PM
isnt it ironic...she is like a mother to us all and to kids she is helping in south africa, yet she isnt really a biological mother. she has no kids..
Posted by: mama | May 13, 2006 at 08:25 PM
Would that be Star Jones miming the slashing of Bab's throat?
Posted by: Chad | May 14, 2006 at 12:49 AM
Could be...buzz has it that it was Baba who gave her the ax---many would have left the dirty work to their Bill Geddies.
Posted by: Scott | May 14, 2006 at 10:45 AM
Oprah is awesome. She gave $10 million for the rebuilding efforts in the Hurricane Katrina efforts! A lot of people talk a good game about being Christian or a good person, but Oprah actually does something! Whether it's funding education, fighting against child abuse (she gives money to people who help bring fugitive child rapists to justice), or providing living proof that people can do good, Oprah does it all.
And, I'm sure she must give ND30 a fit with her evil liberal ways.
Posted by: noah | May 16, 2006 at 11:56 AM
Meh.
Bring back Brooke, and we'll talk.
Posted by: air force one mid | November 05, 2010 at 12:22 AM