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May 18, 2006

Rub a Dub Doc

As part of ABC's Fall Schedule presentation, the actors on Grey's Anatomy reworked an infamous scene from earlier in the season. In the original, George dreams of taking a shower with the three attractive female interns he is living with at the time. In this parody clip, the tables are turned as Bailey walks in on a bastion of homoerotic soapiness.

h/t Pop Culture Junkies

May 16, 2006

Writers with Scalpels

Greys_anatomy The writers of Grey's Anatomy are sadists. There is little other explanation for destroying their audience emotionally with not only the unexpected death of a love interest, but also including a scene where a beloved pet is euthanized. All things considered, I ought not have watched the season finale first thing in the morning.

My seething hatred for Meredith and Dr. McDick aside, last night's episode was by far the best in the series, capped by a softening Alex taking care of a devastated Izzie when no one else knows how to help her. Coupled with Alex's going in to save a baby in another a recent episode, the real hottie of show is rapidly becoming swoon-worthy.

On this morning's GMA, we were given a deleted scene from the finale. In it, Finn and Meredith discuss what to do with an ailing Doc. I wish they had kept it in, as it presents Finn as much less clueless than the audience is led to believe.

[Watch video – 1:14, WMV format, high bandwidth]

May 12, 2006

The Descension of the Oprah

Oprah_h_christ Descending from on high to a heavenly choir of keening housewives, earth mother and prophet, the Oprah, graced the jabbering monkey pit of the View to spread her wisdom and beneficence to all her adoring disciples. Starr Jones Reynolds rendered an almost eucharistic oral polishing. Buffy Walters stood, bowed, deferred, and wandered in tongues, as is her way in the face of deific celebrity.

Fresh off her ascension to the throne of the Almighty, the Oprah incarnated at 10 AM this morning to promote her upcoming ABC special, Legends Ball. If any of us mistakenly believe She means the title eponymously, She will forgive us. It has been several years since Our Lady of Godiva has walked this plane as mere mortal. She transcends legend, and should any doubting Thomases disbelieve, Gayle King will bust your knee caps. When Robert Langdon and Sophie Neveu drew too close to the Oprah's secrets . . . let's just say they were found face down in the Chicago River, bodies mutilated nearly beyond recognition.

So, by multiple reader request, Oprah on the View. (the graphic, naturally, provided by Mal)

[Watch video – 13:08, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 13:08, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 09, 2006

Drowning in Schadenfreude

Blaine1 I'm an enthusiastic fan of David Blaine. By this I naturally mean I am seized by supernatural excitement whenever there rests the remotest possibility he will be agonizingly stung to death by a thundercloud of scorpions.

Right in the penis.

It is for this reason, and this reason alone, I subjected myself and potential innocents to ABC's overmilked, two-hour tedium fest "David Blaine: Drowned Alive." While he may be the world's biggest masochist, the viewers at home came in second by a razor thin margin.

We'll set aside the masturbatory philosophizing about pushing his body to the limits. When you've been unwillingly subjected to party porn with ominous titles like "Elbow Deep," somehow the magic of standing up for a few hours loses its lustre. No, the real crime here (aside from the soul-afflicting boredom) laid in his desperate attempts to bask in and absorb the reflected glory of people like Aron Ralston, a hiker who cut off his own arm. David Blaine sat in a box for forty-four days. This hiker cut off his own arm. We'll not even get into the macabre rebroadcast of this woman's death during early primetime, and the creepy, mocking assurances by commentaters that Blaine would succeed where she failed.

So it was with great, almost electrically erotic pleasure that we saw Blaine submit to utter defeat. How I wish I could sprinkle his tears over my morning cheerios. The smug, self-satisfied, sadistically-monotoned, pointless, publicity-seeking ass nearly killed himself. I suppose what I'm trying to say is "David Blaine: Drowned Alive" totally delivered. After witnessing that, I wanted to high-five God.

Mal has very generously remixed the video from last night, to more accurately reflect and comment upon this now treasured television event.

[Watch video – 11:27, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 11:27, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 04, 2006

"Lost" Losing Me


(Warning: "Lost" spoilers follow, more or less.)

I can't say I agree with Andy's breathless reaction (Hot! Shocking!) to last night's episode of "Lost."

Rodriguez_watros Yes, anytime Josh Holloway is wearing less than his normal amount of clothing is inherently good.  But the "shocking" conclusion just seemed so – I don't know, pointlessly ad hoc.  Shock for shock's sake.

In a related post, TV Squad points out the hilarious serendipity of the episode's title, putting the lie to the producers' tepid denials (reported in the link to Andy above) as to why they chose the particular fates of two of the characters.

I suppose, to an extent, it might be a clever way to get rid of two actresses who have provided the hit show some very public embarrassments.  But it's also just another hairpin twist in "Lost's" winding road, and the trip is starting to get very tedious.

(Also related: 1-877-HANSORG.)

May 01, 2006

The Violentest Way To Wake Up

Malbug_13I really should start watching "Good Morning America" more often.  At least according to AOL Television, it sounds like Charlie might be taking getting snubbed for the ABC anchor gig kind of hard:

GMA Rape

Anyone else going to click on the "remind me" link?

April 28, 2006

Rosie To Be New "View" Co-Host

Malbug_13The Malcontent and Queerty's campaign pays off.  Call me, Rosie, so I can tell you where to send the 10 percent.

[h/t Andy]

April 25, 2006

Afternoon Soap Snack

Amc Leaving the television on mute in the afternoon while working rarely yields anything of quality, but occasionally the video gods are kind.

What is going on in these All My Children scenes, I couldn't tell you. Who these characters are, I cannot say. One of the actors is apparently model Justin Bruening.

None of this is important. What is relevant is two built, muscley, shirtless, sweaty men playing basketball and threatening to strangle one another.

I thought the magically appearing chest sweat after commercial break was a nice touch.

[Watch video – 2:01, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 2:01, WMV format, low bandwidth]

April 18, 2006

The Gayest Story Never Told

Welcome2 Malbug_13If you think you know the whole story behind ABC's never-aired reality show "Welcome to the Neighborhood," think again.

The series, yanked by the alphabet net at the last minute last summer, was to have shown a white, Christian, conservative cul-de-sac in Texas called "Circle C Ranch" that was tasked with deciding the winner of a home worth about $500,000 in their neighborhood.  The candidates, however, included Wiccans, Hispanics, African-Americans, a family with a stripper mom, and finally, a gay couple and their African-American son.

While much of the media coverage leading up to the premiere-that-never-was focused on bigotry and discrimination, the ending turned out to be fairly positive – and probably one that America would do well to see.  (ABC still won't allow the show to air, however.)

In its second episode last night, "The Advocate Newsmagazine" on Logo told us more about the rest of the story, focusing on an especially hard-boiled Texan known to his neighbors as "The Governor."

The results might surprise you.  And if you don't get at least a lump in your throat while watching it, you might want to check yourself for a pulse.

[Watch video – 14:53, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 14:53, WMV format, low bandwidth]

April 17, 2006

Buy One Thetan Level, Get Fellated By Sawyer For Free!

Tom_cruise I'll never quite understand why Diane Sawyer is considered a serious journalist, especially not when the majority of her work involves the kind of verbal lubrication on ample display during Primetime Friday.

Tom Cruise was given a full half hour to gush, explain the wonders of Scientology, and generally keep America enthralled with the kind of soft, velvety vocal tone that usually precedes instructions about arsenic-laced cocktails. The man may be thetan level VII, but he's creepy level ten in my book.

Apologies for the storm warnings in places. We're having a rather eventful spring 'round these parts.

[Watch video – 9:16, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 9:16, WMV format, low bandwidth]

March 30, 2006

OK, "Lost" Fans, Have At It



[Watch video – 0:47, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 0:47, WMV format, low bandwidth]

March 27, 2006

"Chicken Little" Low on the Pecking Order

CovaisMalbug_13Kevin Covais, the bespectacled 16-year-old from Levittown, N.Y., might have been first in the hearts of 80-year-old dowagers everywhere.  But he was also the second of the top 12 voted off "American Idol," which wasn't good enough to earn him a guest shot on Leno or Letterman.

But also-rans of a feather flock together, so he fit in quite nicely Friday night on Jimmy Kimmel's talk show.  I think it's on VH1 or something.

Covais was best known not for his mighty baritone, but for getting his cheeks pinched by the female contestants, and for being compared to the CGI character "Chicken Little."

If that all weren't bad enough, when Kimmel brought the amateur songster onstage, he introduced him as "sweet, little Kevin Covais."  Thanks, Jimmy.  That'll really help him get laid.

[Watch video – 6:54, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:54, WMV format, low bandwidth]

January 24, 2006

King for a Day (Give or Take 540)


NorahWhat would you do if you could live as the opposite gender for a day?  How about for 18 months straight?

Norah Vincent (a 5'10" lesbian, by the way, who wears men's size-11 shoes) did just that, going undercover as "Ned" for a book she wrote called "Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back."

Most straight guys I know would probably make their first stop the women's locker room.  But as ABC's 20/20 discovered, Norah was more interested in learning about gender differences that go beyond mere genitalia.

The results were surprising to her in many ways she couldn't first imagine.

[Watch video – 9:00, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 9:00, WMV format, low bandwidth]

January 13, 2006

One More Parting Shot

Malbug_13OK, I couldn't resist this item from today's Hotline (sub. only):

To find out what spell check does to "Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki," click here.

In case it is corrected by the time you click, I have saved it for posterity:


Feeling the Truth At You


I have been looking for a reason to incorporate the excellent "The Colbert Report" into a MalcoVision post, and I finally found one.

Tonight's 20/20 on ABC features an hour-long report by one of my favorite journalists, John Stossel, on why American kids are like, you know, so stupid and stuff. He appeared on Colbert's show to promote the special.

Unlike most reporters, Stossel makes no effort to disguise his ideology, which is solidly small-L libertarian.  While I agree with him more often than not, I think the reason I like him most is because he is so unafraid to swim against the prevailing journalistic currents.

I am hard-pressed to think anyone else with such solid credential who doesn't reflexively believe that government is the answer to every issue he covers.  (I am not counting those who are more accurately pundits or bloviators.)

In this clip, Stossel gets the signature Colbert treatment, which is at times the standard talk-show plug, but also the mock seriousness with which the host "feels the truth at you."

[Watch video – 6:04, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:04, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Will & Grace & Mitch


Water sports or Visine?

It was a big, gay evening on network television last night.  Oh, yes.  Let's get to it:

While some might argue that the second-ever live episode of "Will & Grace" constituted a "stunt," I don't see how it was much of a gimmick.  This is a show in an extended swan song that is not looking to be picked up for next season, and which is not even in a sweeps period where it could adjust its ad rates to capitalize.

To me, it was a sign of a cast and crew that have grown comfortable with the idea of walking a tightrope without a net.  So once again, they went live, sending their audience an early Valentine.

And they made it almost all the way to the end before the cast crack-ups began (for the East Coast feed, anyway), as opposed to the season premiere.  The plot was almost incidental, but it involved the gang going to Karen's birthday party and finding out that she had held such parties for herself the previous 10 years without their knowledge.  This precipitates an argument about whose fault it was that Karen would be so embarrassed by them, leading to an elaborate toiletry fight.

[Watch video – 4:06, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 4:06, WMV format, low bandwidth]





Switching over to ABC, I caught the series premiere of "Crumbs."  Fred Savage of "The Wonder Years" plays Mitch Crumb.  Mitch is a little like Michael Bluth of "Arrested Development," in that he is putatatively the sanest member of a family that is spiraling out of control around him.  (Is it a coincidence that Savage's character shares a first name with Mitch Hurwitz, the creative mind who gave life to the Bluths?)

But Mitch is actually struggling with at least two secrets: Back home, only a girlfriend from high school knows that he is gay.  And he is also not the screenwriting success that he is believed to be.

As George Costanza might say, "worlds collide" when Mitch returns home to Connecticut from Los Angeles to tend to his mother (Jane Curtin) as she transitions out of a mental institution.  She had been there ever since she tried to run down her ex-husband (William Devane) in a car after he ran off with a younger woman.

Mitch's first scene on camera had him answering the phone in bed.  When I saw a big lump under the covers next to him, I thought we might be going where "Will & Grace" never dared to go.  But then his boyfriend (with a twist) emerged from the bathroom in a bathrobe, toweling off his hair.  No nookie for you, Kevin Arnold!

Truth be told, I was disappointed in the premiere.  I found it uneven and rudderless, with jarring attempts at drama interspersed with the comic antics.  There might be time for growth and improvement, but networks aren't known much for their patience.

It is always good to see more gay characters on television, even if they're closeted.  Too bad this one probably won't be around for long.

[Watch video – 4:26, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 4:26, WMV format, low bandwidth]

January 10, 2006

Malcontent's Reason Why


Malbug_13I haven't yet seen ABC's mid-season replacement "Emily's Reasons Why Not," starring once-promising film actress Heather Graham.

But "Entertainment Tonight" gave me at least one reason why I might want to give it a try: Graham's smoldering Canadian co-star, Victor Webster.

I like what he's all aboot!

[Watch video – 0:42, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[With this kind of eye candy?  Not worth bothering with the low-bandwidth version.]




January 01, 2006

New Year's Slurrin' Eve

Malbug_13DickclarkYou gotta hand it to Dick Clark.  It took a lot of courage to come back to national television barely a year after suffering a major stroke that has severely impeded his speech.

But my admiration in watching him last night was mixed with more than a little discomfort at the questionable taste involved in the whole thing.  Clark slurred his way through much of the telecast, managed to get two seconds off in the famous countdown to midnight, and then made slurping sounds into his mic as he kissed his wife.

Leave it to ABC to actually make me want to see Ryan Seacrest on screen.  The "American Idol" host is expected to take over "New Year's Rockin' Eve" from the 76-year-old, although exactly when remains in question.

But after last night, let's hope that it will be next year.

[Watch video – 2:01, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 2:01, WMV format, low bandwidth]

December 02, 2005

Rhymes With Stankin' Like Ass


Actor Nestor Carbonell (no relation)


More signs that American television Christmas specials have scraped the bottom of the barrel, broken through, and found a whole new bottom previously unknown:

Rankin and Bass' "Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey," tonight at 7 p.m. EST on ABC Family

November 22, 2005

Lost: Finding the Way

Malbug_13There is an intriguing, new "grand-unifying theory" to explain the entire TV show "Lost."  It sure sounds plausible to me, but don't follow this link if you'd prefer to be kept in the dark.

I won't give anything away here, but let's just say that I think this guy is somehow behind the whole thing:


[HT: TV Squad]