The Malcontent

A Piece of Hot Apple Guy

Gay Cowboy Bob sends along this image from the Apple Store's website:

Yes, if I weren't already gay, I'd imagine you could.

The 1.609-Kilometer-High Club

I'll admit that I look at YouTube a bit the way Ma and Pa at the corner store look at WalMart: We're small-timers at this video thing, but we like to think the quality and focus of our clips keep people coming back.

And, of course, we are not a faceless, soulless Web goliath.  We love our readers. 

That said, I thought this French PSA was as effective as it was hot.  And it could never air in this puritanical country (which goes without saying that it's NSFW):

[Thanks, Neil!]

Malconsumer Reports: "Boy Butter"

The field of personal lubricant products these days seems more crowded than ever.  New entrepreneurs are constantly springing up like kudzu to claim their piece of a lube pie worth more than $6.8 quadrillion in sales in the United States alone.  Every month.  And that's just for my house.  (Ba-DUM-bum!)

But seriously, today's savvy lube purveyor is looking for a combination of marketability and quality to help him stand out from the crowd, resulting in a host of product names that are double entendres.  Hell, most of them are so blatant, they're single entendres.

One man who thinks his cream will rise to the top is the hunky Eyal Feldman, founder of and spokesmodel for "Boy Butter."  (By the way, anything you buy at CheapLubes.com, my retailer of choice, is 10 percent off until April 6, if you use the discount code Bunny10.)

Recently, Eyal sent me a sample of his product to give it a test drive, claiming that it would be "life-changing."  (I know, few of you probably want to think of The Malcontent as a sexual creature, but a guy has needs!)

So can Boy Butter make me part with my beloved Pjur Eros?  Find out after the jump.

Hot Times

It's never too early for summer at A&F.  The retailer's new summer collection is out, with the requisite half-naked men to go with it.

Jesus Loves the Straight Little Children

The United Church of Christ's new "Ejector" ad targeting religious intolerance is being rejected by the four major U.S. TV networks.

"They are saying, 'You can entertain on 'Will & Grace' and 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,' but when it comes to showing you as whole people with the church, that is going to far," (church leader Ron) Buford said.

The ads will still run on several cable networks through the Easter holiday.

Paging Marc Cherry

Dodge ads traditionally have been testosterone-soaked visions of trucks scaling mountains of boulders ("Built Ram Tough!") as if they were mere speed bumps.

So is the new ad for the Dodge Caliber homophobic?  The one where the sprite who flits about trying to make a dull, gray world more fabulous is smacked to the curb, only to be derided as a "silly little fairy"?  Dodge's spin seems to be that the ad is simply eschewing all things "cute."

I think it would be great if cute and gay were conflated in the public consciousness, but at least one mitigating factor undercuts the homophobia theory: The ad was airing on "Desperate Housewives."

Double-Take Whiplash

He hates blacks, he hates immigrants, he hates gays, so of course he's ... African-American?!

Meet the congressional candidate with one of the most outrageous (and copyright-infringing) political ads in recent history.  And I'm counting the NAACP's James Byrd ad.

[h/t: Towleroad]

Ad-vocacy

Ramtha, c. 33,000 B.C.

Ramtha, c. Today

Let me take just a moment to indulge in my semi-regular obsequience on behalf of our generous advertisers.  Please click them early and often.

And what better place to start than with our newest bandwidth supporter, my Lord and Savior, RAMTHA.

And why have I sworn eternal allegiance to a 35,000-year-old sage from the lost continent of Atlantis?  Because RAMTHA says that the power is within us!  RAMTHA says that we can become a remarkable life and change our world!  RAMTHA says we can be entertained and enlightened!

And most impressively, can't we all get down with an entity that preaches the following?:

Ramtha says mirrors are portals to a parallel universe. Ramtha says children with Down syndrome have "chosen" their condition. Ramtha says you can read minds, alter your own DNA, reverse aging, teleport, travel through time, and prolong your life with Twinkies.

(These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.  RAMTHA is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.)

RAMTHA, coming soon to Cuenca, Ecuador; Houffalize, Belgium; and New York City!

And don't forget the other stalwarts:

Our PREMIUM SPONSOR, 411metro.com

John Waters Presents Movies That Will Corrupt You

Scott-o-Rama (not to be confused with that Irish sage from Atlantis, Scott O'Ramtha)

And brand new episodes of Ghost Whisperer on CBS.

Gentlemen, Start Your Bandwidth!

Barring technical or other unforeseen problems, this should be a big MalcoVision day.  Robbie has recorded practically the entire network television schedule, while I will probably make a contribution or two myself.

I hope y'all don't mind the brief ads before the videos.  They're something extra I wanted to do to thank the Premium sponsors.  I promise I will always keep them brief (~10 to 12 seconds), and will try not to have more than one before the start of a video.

As I had been warning for some time, we were on a razor's edge with the old ISP, which is still hosting videos we posted up until a few weeks ago.  Well, they finally got their head of of their ass and realized that I was exceeding monthly bandwidth allotments by several degrees of magnitude, and now they have been calling daily, harassing my husband.  So to keep those videos running (and many people still watch them), I'll probably have to shell out yet again.

So thanks for tolerating our advertisers, if not worshiping, adoring, clicking on and shelling out scads of cash to people like our Premium Sponsor (411metro.com) and our Bandwidth Supporters (Geography Club, Scott-o-Rama, Ghost Whisperer, and Jeff Cook for Congress.)

On a separate topic ...

If you read the right sidebar on a regular basis (and who doesn't?), you'll see that I will be traveling again, this time to Cologne, Germany.  I leave Tuesday evening and return the following Sunday.  I'm not sure if I will be going solo or if I can convince my man to come along, but either way I'm looking for suggestions what to do while I'm there – either gay-related or general touristy.

I do know that Lufthansa has WiFi on a lot of its routes (I would assume between JFK and Germany), so with any luck, I can do the Internet equivalent of those annoying calls people make from airplanes: "Guess where I'm blogging from?!"

The Shot Blurred 'Round the World

The following ad appeared in the March 2006 issues of Genre and Out magazines, respectively.  Note how Out's priggish retouching completely obliterates the ad's punchline.

Memo to Out: Since when did your fagazine become so friggin' uptight?

Wait 'Til We Get Our Balls on You

So have you seen the new Hanes commercial?  Nothing special, really, just a bunch of guys standing around playing dodgeball.  Just a bunch of really hot guys, playing dodgeball.  In their underwear.  Tight underwear.  And most of them are shirtless too.

Does it make any sense?  Nah.  Do I care?  Not a bit!  But it is possibly the most homoerotic 30 seconds you will see anywhere this side of "Brokeback Mountain."

[Watch video – 0:51, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 0:51, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Peace, Love and Warmth

Have a safe weekend out there, especially those of you who are on the East Coast.

As much as a foot of snow is forecast for New York City this weekend!

If you're trapped inside and need something to do, I hope you'll consider clicking on our fabulous advertisers.  They're the ones that help keep the Mal-content flowing:

Homo Mojo's GLBT Blogger Writing Contest: Submit your entries by Wednesday!

Jeff Cook for Congress: Send your family to Congress.  He was talking about ethics reform before it was cool!

The Fat Old Jewish Guy Who Lives in the Projects: His first love is the public domain.

Gay.com: Two weeks free!  Limited Valentine's Day Special.

And Heather Graham starring in "Cake" on Lifetime: How can a woman who never wants to be a bride, run a bridal magazine?

By Popular Demand (and a Plea) ...

"I'm a little teapot ..."

Apparently some of y'all are just a wee bit obsessed with this whole "Brokeback Mountain" thing.

The requests have been pouring in for more, more, more of anything that is even remotely Brokeback-related.

On Friday we posted highlights of Oprah's interview with the cast.  But you wanted the whole thing, and here it is:

[Watch video – 24:52, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 24:52, WMV format, low bandwidth]

The picture accompanying this post, of course, comes not from that interview, but from Sunday night's Screen Actors Guild Awards.  As I mentioned yesterday, I kind of lost interest in pulling any SAG Awards clips when I found out that "Brokeback" had been shut out.

Ah, but some of you were interested even in the brief glimpse we got of Jake and Heath presenting BBM's nomination for "Outstanding Movie Cast."  You say jump, MalcoVision asks, "How high?"

But what was it with those two?  Were they nervous?  Hopped up on something?  I thought Heath especially was inappropriately giddy, even giggling through Jake's scripted comments about "tragedy."  And with that bizarre pose he had struck, I expected him to show us his, uh, "spout."

[Watch video – 2:02, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 2:02, WMV format, low bandwidth]

PLEASE READ THIS:

You probably wouldn't notice this if I didn't tell you, but the discerning eye will discover that the largest of the four clips linked above is hosted on a different server than the others.  That is because, as I have been warning for a while now, I have completely tapped out MalcoVision's ISP.  There should be enough bandwidth for the clips that are already there, but I have exhausted our storage space and had to scramble to find another alternative.

That, of course, meant another substantial investment in this site.

I can't think of another blog (at least one that is run part-time, and as a hobby) that requires the kind of investment in hardware, software and server space that The Malcontent has made.  We do it because we enjoy it, and because we want to provide a sort of virtual "hearth" for the gay community and our allies.

It is still my intent never to put a "tip jar" on this site.  But I do want The Malcontent to continue as a worthwhile home to the advertisers who help defray some of our costs.

So PLEASE, if you enjoy this site at all, and especially if you are a regular reader, make a mental note to click on our advertisers' ads on a regular basis.  If you keep them happy, they'll keep us happy, and the bandwidth spigots will continue to flow.

And while I have your attention, why not show them some love right now?:

The New School Bachelor's Program: "Design your own path of study, choosing from a wide range of courses, and building on all the important things you've achieved so far. "

David Rich Fitness Naked.com: "Imagine having two of the hottest DNA and Playgirl cover models teach you their secrets to developing a body that looks great naked."

Jeff Cook for Congress: "Put your voice in Congress."  And consider sending a little scratch his way too.

Fat Old Jewish Guy Who Lives In The Projects: "He's entertaining and angering at times too. 200+ visitors a day can't be wrong, right?"

And last, but most certainly not least, Gay.com: "Find a Valentine's date and SAVE over 50% when you subscribe to Gay.com Premium Personals. Meet hot guys online. Millions of active members."

This concludes the Public Service Announcement.

Parting Shots

I hope y'all have a good weekend.  Before I hop on the bus, I thought I would do some uncompensated shilling for Abercro-zombie, on the occasion of its Spring 2006 "Casual Luxury" collection.  Or more accurately, for the pictures – beautifully homoerotic, as always – that go along with it.  Enjoy!  (Click each image to enlarge.)

Props

I don't think this is my last post of the day, but I didn't want to slide into the weekend without paying homage to our current crop of advertisers.  We have had little trouble lately keeping the left sidebar filled with supporters, and I am more grateful for that than I can ever say!  (In fact, the sidebar is getting long enough at times that I am considering moving the "recent comments" over to the right sidebar.  Frequent commenters have been warned.)

So my blogging hat this week goes off to:

• My buddy, future Congressman Jeff Cook.  Contribute early and often!

• My other buddy, and another outstanding New Yorker, Boozhy.  Go razz him about his latest rant!

• Lambda Legal, providing a textbook example of how hard it is sometimes to be both the editor and marketing director of The Malcontent.  But even the editor in me loves them!

• Who Is Benjamin Stove?  I am as intrigued as you are.

• The Fat Old Jewish Guy Who Lives in the Projects.  He's fat, he's old, he's Jewish ... and he has me keeping an extra sharp eye on the building next door.

• And Gay.com, helping gay people of all varieties score for the last four centuries.

A MalcoVision Multimedia Quiz

(My video-editing capabilities will be zilch while I am in India, but I left a couple of MalcoVision "time bombs" that were set to detonate in my absence.  Here is the second and final one of these.)

Question:

What is wrong with the following ad, airing locally in New York?

[Watch video – 0:37, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 0:37, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Lost On Me

Having less than an even rudimentary knowledge of cricket, the metaphor in this ad for "Tulip IT Services Ltd." on the front page (front page!) of today's (Tuesday, for me) Hindustan Times was completely beyond my grasp.

Perhaps one of our intenerational readers can help me.  Although, just as humor dies in the dissection, don't expect it to make me rush right out to buy a truckload lorry full of Tulip IT Services.

Targeting Target

First the leftist wackadoos said I needed to boycott Target stores.  Something about "AmericaBlog" wanting to force individual pharmacists to dispense drugs that ran counter to their religious beliefs.

Now the right-wingnuts told me I needed to boycott Target stores.  I guess their ads use phrases other than "Merry Christmas."  (Memo to the religious cuckoos: Like it or not, that is how enlightened people who don't want to offend the world's 4.3 billion non-Christians interact these days.)

Finally something to unite the two political fringes!  But what is a good centrist to do?

Well, I might be a Hugo Boss boy now, but this holiday season and always, this Minnesota native's heart will belong to my home-state retailer.

Plug-O-Matic: Fight Bigotry Edition

If it is true, as Barry Goldwater famously said, that "extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice," then count The Malcontent as a "First Amendment extremist."

America's freedom of expression is probably my greatest source of pride in my country of birth.  I constantly marvel at countries such as China, where practically half the Internet is inaccessible to the populous for political reasons.  Or in much of the Middle East and other totalitarian regimes such as Cuba, where certain opinions ensure lengthy prison terms or even death.  Even in supposedly enlightened European countries, there is an overly sensitive attitude toward expression and a notion that people must be "protected" from select ideas.

In fact, the only comments I have ever deleted from this blog were from spammers, and one that was making rather generalized death threats against gay people.

So that is why I am always disappointed whenever American troglodytes crawl out of their holes to propose speech codes or, just as odiously, to ban books – as has just happened at a school outside Tacoma, Wash.:

Acting on a parent complaint, University Place schools Superintendent Patti Banks has removed a novel about gay teens from district library shelves.

Banks said her decision had nothing to do with the theme of homosexuality in “Geography Club.” Instead, she was alarmed by the “romanticized” portrayal of a teen meeting a stranger at night in a park after connecting with that person – who turns out to be a gay classmate – through an Internet chat room.

As you might have discerned by the headline, the author of "Geography Club," Brent Hartinger, coincidentally became a sponsor of my blog recently with the sequel, "The Order of the Poison Oak."  Hartinger has been following the book-banning story over on the new blog, Big Gay Picture, to which he is a contributor.

As he wrote in an email to me, the chat-room excuse seems to be a flimsy pretext, at best:

I’ll concede that the superintendent may be sincere in objecting to this element of my book.  And sure, not every school can or should stock every single book.

That said, I don’t think that internet scene is the real reason my book was banned.  According to the Marge Ceccarelli, president of the Curtis PTA, the parents who complained were initially upset with the book because it would “turn straight kids into homosexuals.”  Those parents compiled a long list of objections, only one of which the superintendent agreed with.  But surely it was the book’s gay theme that led to this intense level of scrutiny.

I think that the issue of Internet predation is a red herring, in this case.  I am nearly a couple of decades removed from my teenage years, but even I am aware of the central role the Internet, instant messaging and chat rooms play in the lives of young people.  Yet we never hear about censorship involving these themes when straight students are the subjects.  Hartinger's books, on the other hand, have won awards and have been praised for their quality and sensitivity to gay issues and young people.

The best way to fight the bigots, of course, is to "vote with your pocketbook," as they say.  You can find Hartinger's new book, "The Order of the Poison Oak," here, or "Geography Club" here.

While you're at it, please keep our other fine, freedom-loving sponsors in mind:

• Brazil Chic: hot tees, hoodies, tanks and accessories.
• LoginToMe.com: crude, lewd and hilarious T-shirts.
• Homo Mojo: The good things in life.
• and Gay.com: More than meets the eye.

Even if Brent Hartinger weren't a sponsor of this blog, The Malcontent would be in his corner.  Some people are so afraid of gays that it drives them to literally un-American ends, but they need to be told that our nation will never quite be the "land of the free" until we truly become the "home of the brave."

It Slices, It Dices ...

Yes, it's time for yet another edition of .

If you're a blog reader (which my keen powers of deduction tell me you are), then you don't like wasting your precious time scanning a million different sites to get your fix of all things gay.

Well, look no further: Homo Mojo has it all: news, reviews and a run-down of some of the best gay blogs going.  These guys were floating my boat long before they even became advertisers.  Welcome to the adstrip, guys.

And while you're browsing, check out:

• Gay.com for gay news, gossip, entertainment and connections ...


• Those sexy hoodies, tanks, tees and more at Brazil Chic ...


• And the crude, lewd, and hilarious T-shirts at LoginToMe.com.

These people help keep the video sluices open and gushing, folks!