The Catholic Church must love the publicity it is getting in the NYC gossip tabs.  Proving that not all priests are homos or pedophiles, the latest scandal involves Eugene Clark, a randy 79-year-old Bronx monsignor who apparently has been performing various rites on his married, Daisy Dukes-wearing secretary.

Paris Hilton has ditched her bitch: her teacup Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, has become too big an accessory to fit into her designer handbags.  Paris gave the dog to her mom and traded "down" to a smaller pup named Bambi.  (And least she's better than the regular people who throw their kids in a dumpster.)

Ashlee Simpson says she has "battled demons," or as the rest of us know it, the quite satanic Acid Reflux Syndrome.  And now the non-singer wants another shot on Saturday Night Live.  Let's hope the audience is nicer than the Orange Bowl fans who lustily booed her.