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May 31, 2006

And My Dear, She's Still Here

Malbug_13Taylor1 The Malcontent apologizes profusely for helping feed speculation about the impending death of Dame Elizabeth Taylor.

Instead, the 74-year-old screen legend turned up last night on Larry King, looking about as chipper as possible and certainly more lucid than she was at the 2001 Golden Globes.

The very much alive Taylor refuted rumors of her demise and partially dismissed reports of having "Alts-heimer's," although there were moments to make one wonder about the line between fact and fiction.

Normally I am impervious to Larry's sycophantic coddling of his guests, but I admit to a soft spot in my cold, brackish heart for the old broad.  Six days before the 25th anniversary of the CDC report that is generally regarded as the start of the AIDS pandemic, she is still a driving force behind eradication of the disease.  She was red ribbon before red ribbon was cool.

Taylor waxed nostaligic about many of her costars including Rock Hudson, whom she said would be out of the closet if he were alive today.  Oh, and she peddled her jewelry.  It's ugly as sin, but I might buy some anyway.

[Watch video – 7:50, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 7:50, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 24, 2006

It's The Circle of Awful, Simba

Katharine_mcphee2 After 43 posts consisting of 61 video files that account for a whopping 731.65 MB of our server space, we've come a long way from the January 17th premiere of American Idol. A water cooler show that began with a focus on some of the most horrifying "entertainers" this great nation of ours had to offer, it has been a long, spiritual, nuanced journey to May where we're about to crown . . . one of the most horrifying "entertainers" America has to offer.

So, well done there.

What is there to say? Poor Katharine McPhee suffered an ambushing of the highest order with a tripey, overwrought ballad called "My Destiny" when a more accurate title might have been, "Kat Really Wishes She Had Testicles Right About Now." Way to set the key in the Marianas Trench! Not even a still-touching rendition of "Over the Rainbow" could save her against the most treacly, masturbatory excesses of producers and a music industry hell bent on selling their audience aural sominex.

Taylor_hicksTaylor Hicks. *sighs* What more can be said for this seizing ball of shimmering purple velvet? For the first time in Idol history, the gay male vote will not prevail against this touring Vegas lounge act. Tom Jones is spinning in his grave. Or women's underwear. Spot the difference, eh? Personally, I blame pre-teen girls for this atrocity. Lazy, good for nothing kids today. Can't even be assed to vote en masse. Bring back corporal punishment!

Here are the six performances from last night's finale. Observe that jacket and weep. America picked that jacket. America likes that jacket. America will buy tickets to see that jacket. America is dead to me.

[Watch video – 14:48, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 14:48, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Kevin_spaceyOur Malcovision American Idol Finale Extravaganza continues with these clips from this weekend's Saturday Night Live. Kevin Spacey knows all the right moves to win the hearts of Americans and wandering strangers in parks at 3 AM. Not to be outdone, "Taylor Hicks" appears on Weekend Update, if only to prove the man is beyond parody.

[Watch video – 6:54, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:54, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Paula_larrykingAnd finally. We laughed with her, cried with her, attempted to match her shot for shot during every show. Paula Abdul stumbled onto the set of Larry King Live after over-hearing rumors the man will marry anything. She discusses her fellow judges and addresses all those rumors about dominant bitch-top, the Gayken. Could it be we are mere hours away from a world without this simpering psychiatric patient?

As they announce the winner tonight, I will sprinkle a martini laced with vicodin onto a curb in her honor.

[Watch video – 5:44, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 5:44, WMV format, low bandwidth]

"Ex-Gays" Say the Darndest Things

Malbug_17Cohen Our friends at Ex-Gay Watch (I need a nifty logo like theirs) alerted us to a piece that aired last night on CNN featuring Richard Cohen – not the WaPo columnist – one of the most controversial, and unlicensed, practitioners of so-called "reparative therapy" for gays.

I'll leave the heavy lifting to the experts at EGW, but the piece – whether unintentional or not – was hi-frickin'-larious.  We are treated to therapy sessions between Cohen and 42-year-old "Rob," a gay man who thinks that Cohen can help him become un-gay.

We see Cohen practicing "touch therapy" to recreate a "healthy father-son bond."  Call me crazy, but it appeared to be a cunning way for Cohen for be able to get his jollies cuddling up with other men while still claiming that he is now straight.

Cohen's racketWe then see Cohen engaging in an interesting form of quackery that he calls "bioenergetics," whaling on a pillow with a tennis racket in lieu of his overbearing mother.  Frightening stuff.  Norman-Bates freaky.

I suggest if you find yourself in a session with Cohen that you dial 9-1 on your cell phone, just to save time in case you need to hit that last 1.

We are treated to more of the same tripe that we have seen from the ex-gay movement, this happy-crappy talk about how "there's nothing wrong with being gay," but somehow one can choose to be straight, even though we don't exactly see hordes of heterosexual men stampeding the opposite direction into ex-straight therapy.

What I got out of the piece is that it is a sign of progress that the gay guy aspiring to be straight was the one hiding his identity, while the gay guy who long ago gave up on reparative-therapy nonsense was proudly public.

[Watch video – 6:42, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:42, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 16, 2006

Can We Question Their Patriotism Now?

Malbug_17Burn1 Witness how the howling mad moonbats are reveling (link is to anti-AMERICAblog's comments) in a wholly unscientific Web poll showing a significant majority — 64 percent at this writing — answering in the affirmative to the following:

Do you agree with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's severe criticism of U.S President George W. Bush?

This is Hugo Chavez, people.  Not Hugo Boss or Hugo Weaving or even the late Victor Hugo.

Hugo Chavez, who hates not just George Bush but this country.

Hugo Chavez, best buddy and protege of the most retrograde and despicable dictator in the Western Hemisphere.

Hugo Chavez, who might just make the current price of gas look like a Costco-style bargain.

Hugo Chavez, who apparently wants to sell our own warplanes to the most fanatical regimes on Earth, regimes that constantly threaten their neighbors with complete annihilation and lie about their production of nuclear weaponry.

So are you one of those 64 percent?  If so, then congratulations: You have crossed the line from run-of-the-mill, blinkered Bush-hatred to borderline treason.

Sometimes the enemy of your enemy should just be ... your enemy.

May 05, 2006

Hilarious Item of the Week


Loudobbs This is awesome:

Los Angeles' top rated English language Latino radio talk show, The Pocho Hour of Power on KPFK 90.7 FM , Fridays at 4pm, has made an unprecedented financial offer to so-called "illegal immigrants". In the interest of racial harmony and assimilation of immigrants into U.S. culture, the co-hosts of the Pocho Hour of Power make this offer: The first undocumented immigrant to name their U.S. born child "Lou Dobbs," before September 16th, 2006, will win $500.00 worth of baby nursery items from participating East Los Angeles merchants supporting the Name Your Baby Lou Dobbs Challenge.

Now if I could just find a gay baby to adopt, I'll name him Rick Santorum.

February 14, 2006

Something You'd Like To Tell Us, Cooper?

Malbug_13And a Happy Valentine's Day to you too:


[H/T: John]  (UPDATE: I should have guessed that Gawker had this too.)

February 01, 2006

Oprah, Cooper ... Cooper, Oprah

Oprahisatwat Malbug_13

The Official Anchorman of Gay America dropped by Oprah yesterday, a program that in recent days has also seen Her Worshipfulness grant her imprimatur to rose-stemming cowboys and cross-dressers.

I got the sense that Anderson Cooper was there at least partly in an attempt to out-compassion Oprah herself.  Even when she tried to steer the discussion to his personal life, he immediately spun things right back into funereal sobriety.

The result was a relatively staid affair that I had hoped to post in its entirety but instead have hacked down to the barest of essentials.  Of at least mild interest was footage of an already-graying 23-year-old Cooper covering the Balkans War for Channel One.

I'm pretty immune to cults of personality, so I never quite understood Cooper's incredible following in the gay community.  Maybe it is as simple as, "One of our own makes good."

I deeply admire his dedication to overlooked causes like the plight of the African continent and his Everyman anchor persona.  But his leaden self-seriousness and carpet-bomb overexposure make it seem that Cooper is a man who is beginning to believe his own press.

What I was hoping for, if not a Coming-Out moment, was at least some of his trademark ruminations on nail-biting or the bath he is taking on his condo sale.  But what I got instead was a hearty helping of "Anderson Cooper, Crusader."

Video clips deleted at demand of Jeffrey Friedman, attorney for Oprah Winfrey

December 01, 2005

Come On, A Cookie?!


Most normal people understand that Larry King is working today only because his questions are so notoriously dishwater weak that the PR agents of big-name celebrities view his show as a safe haven for their clients.

Of course, Larry's sycophancy and demonstrable incoherence and irrelevance often lead to exchanges like the one he had last night with legend-to-the-French Jerry Lewis.  (Sorry, no video.  Yes, I'm falling down on the job.):

LEWIS: I don't know if you've ever been to (INAUDIBLE) the restaurant in Beverly Hills. I don't usually have dessert.

KING: Are you crazy?

Larry King cookieLEWIS: When you taste these cookies you'll never have anything like it. Take one. They're the best. Have you ever had any (INAUDIBLE).

KING: Are you losing your mind?

LEWIS: What are you talking about?

KING: Are you losing your mind?

LEWIS: But I love you. I brought them so you would enjoy them also. They're wonderful. How's that?

KING: Yes, they're good but...

LEWIS: I love it but I just don't want all those calories. What a silly man. I'll take care of it.

If that exchange has a familiar ring to it, it should.  Because it is eerily reminiscent of a gut-busting and memorable Saturday Night Live sketch from 1994, when John Travolta played a corpulent Marlon Brando, who was getting typically indulgent treatment by Larry:

BRANDO: Well, you know.. I want you to try one of these cookies -- here. [Larry is too shy to accept] No, no, no ... go ahead, try one. [Larry takes a cookie] And don't lie to me.  If you like it, you tell me you liked it.

KING: Anything for the great Marlon Brando. [nibbles cookie]

BRANDO: What do you think?

KING: Interesting. Are these also made from the Sereconi plant?

BRANDO: I'm not gonna tell you what it's made from.

KING: Is it something that could make me sick?

BRANDO: Perhaps ... perhaps not.

KING: Is it something that cookies are not normally made from?

BRANDO: Well, let's just say, you know ... maybe what it's made from will put a cookie-eating grin on your face. [chuckles]

In the sketch, "Brando" also made Larry rub his feet and put on a baby bonnet.  But most amazingly of all was that the sketch was based on an actual, bizarre sitdown earlier that year between Brando and King.

So life imitates "SNL" imitating life.  As for Jerry Lewis's cookies, I might be more interested in them if, say, Martin Bashir were asking the questions.

November 22, 2005

What Passes for Humor At CNN

Malbug_13The Manhattan Offender brings us a little ho-ho-homophobia from CNN anchor Rick Sanchez.

If this had happened on Fox News, the howls of protest would be deafening.  But alas, it was on the "favored" network of the liberal elite.

November 16, 2005

Anderson and Ryan, Sittin' in a Tree


In what must be one of the gayest moments in CNN history, Ryan Seacrest, subbing for Larry King, took another major step in putting the "out" in "Seacrest out."

He appeared to pitch some serious woo Anderson Cooper's way when Anderson came on to promo his 10 p.m. show.  The two went practically ga-ga for each other.  I'm surprised digits were not exchanged on the air.

But they did, however, talk about the long pink appendage dangling from Ryan, as well as "taking a pounding."

Cruising this serious is usually reserved for dimly lit parks, not television screens across America.

[Hello to readers of A Socialite's Life, Reality Blurred, Jossip, Gawker, Towleroad, Queerty, Dlisted, Hollywood Rag, Perez Hilton, Just Jared and Media Bistro.  Bookmark or RSS us for plenty more videos, updated often!]

[Watch video – 1:02, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 1:02, WMV format, low bandwidth]

October 31, 2005

Wilson, Lightly Braised By Blitzer


Wilson On the fourth day of Fitzmas, we get the gift that keeps giving: a live TV interview with Joe Wilson.  And wherever he goes, you know the lies are sure to follow.

Wilson was, well, not really grilled tonight by Wolf Blitzer on CNN's "The Situation Room."

[Watch video - 11:05, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video - 11:05, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Wilson's finest whopper:

"Mr. Fitzgerald made it very clear: My wife was a covert officer at the time that these people were leaking her name."

But Fitzgerald would beg to differ:

"I am not speaking to whether or not Valerie Wilson was covert. And anything I say is not intended to say anything beyond this: that she was a CIA officer from January 1st, 2002, forward."

Next, Wilson seems to have jettisoned the idea of due process:

"Again, it's now very clear that (Karl Rove) leaked it.  Mr. Cooper's sworn testimony indicates that and the emails indicate that."

He really wants that frog-march.  So much so that he has overlooked the fact that no indictments have occurred over the "outing" itself.

Wilson also admitted he was a source for the incredibly inaccurate and self-serving May 6, 2003, Kristof column:

"It was important for the Administration to correct the record. ... It is an act of civic duty.  It is what citizens across this country do every day in our democracy.  You hold your government to account for what your government says and does in the name of the American people."

So it is a civic duty to chat up reporters and embellish what the intelligence actually said about Niger and Iraq?  Ah, yes, my heart is just swelling with patriotic music.

And then for the laugher of the evening, Wilson commented on the decision by him and his wife to appear on the cover of Vanity Fair:

"When one is faced with adversity, one of the ways that one acts in the face of adversity is to try and bring a certain amount of humor to the situation.  It's called irony.  And if people have no sense of humor or no sense of perspective on that, my response is it's about time to get a life."

Humor?  Irony?  But what happened to St. Valerie, the put-upon hero whose very life was risked by the leakers?  You're joking about that?!  Let's face it, were Libby and Rove the ones who were out peddling pictures of her to national magazines?

Then Wilson revealed what must be the ultimate motive, when asked if there would be civil lawsuits:

"We're keeping all of our options open."


October 12, 2005

Anderson Cooper Blowback


AndersoncooperIt has begun:

The Anderson Cooper cult of personality must end. [...]

CNN, looking to exploit the post-Katrina face of caring, personal, passionate, youthful, hip, modern and really good looking journalism, has now further marginalized Aaron Brown and nearly ruined Brown's show, "News-Night," by throwing Cooper into the mix.

Ummm, methinks what is ruining Aaron Brown's show is ... Aaron Brown, the boring, smug, bizarre prima donna of cable news.

And don't rag on our boy!

August 23, 2005

Too Big for His Britches?


"Someone was staring at Anderson Cooper a little too closely when the CNN anchor was in Crawford, Texas last week -- and then they caught this on camera..." [from MediaBistro]


August 14, 2005

A Magazine With a Lot of Issues


Detailscover_1 When I was on the long, slippery road to Gay Town but still grasping at any discernible straw of heterosexuality, I would pass the time on long plane flights by reading magazines like GQ, Details and Esquire.  If the sight of boobies held greater than usual appeal, I would even slum it with a copy of FHM, Stuff or Maxim.  And if I were feeling really daring, I might sneak aboard with an Entertainment Weekly or People, although I would fold the cover back on itself so that no one could easily spot my nelly love of celebs and gossip.

Now that I more fully embrace my gayness, I have made it a hobby of sorts to gently help escort the queer or questioning from the dark, unfriendly recesses of the closet.  It is good for the cause, and the more heteros who know we walk in their midst, the better.

Which is why it is long past time for Details magazine to come out.  I don’t just mean the next issue, I mean come out.

It is hardly novel to wink coyly about the true sexual predilections of Details.  But what does seem new is that Details isn’t just stepping perilously close to the gay line anymore; it has sashayed, tap-danced and strutted its stuff so far beyond the line that the line is barely visible to it anymore.

Continue reading "A Magazine With a Lot of Issues" »

August 05, 2005

Prince of Darkness Abdicates Set

Malbug_16Novak The Prince of Darkness, Robert Novak, crawled out from his rock long enough to offend the Red State voters who hang on his every word, then went home.

During an exchange about Rep. Katherine Harris on CNN's Inside Politics with James Carville, Novak got angry and stormed off the set, saying "This is bullshit!" and ripping off his lavaliere microphone.  Novak apparently didn't want to address the too-close-for-comfort topic of PlameGate, which host Ed Henry was planning to breach.

Media Matters has the video.

TV Squad reports on Jon Stewart's schoolboy reaction.

Is it possible for CNN to hire a conservative pundit who isn't either a paleocon crank like Novak or a milquetoast veal like the now-departed Tucker Carlson?  Sounds like they now might try.

Not very princely, Bob!