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May 23, 2006

Shot Through the Minge, and I'm Too Late

Malbug_17124 of you have voted, but only five of you have guessed that the cranky celebrity of the day is ... OPRAH!:


Her lawyer's email and my response after the jump – and I will update as warranted.

And yes, the threat came from an actual lawyer, not from a minge, although the two terms are virtually synonymous anyway, right?:


Continue reading "Shot Through the Minge, and I'm Too Late" »

May 16, 2006

Lock Up the Hatch

Hatch Malbug_17The first "Sole Survivor" has been sentenced to more than four years in the pokey.

For being so "cunning," Richard Hatch sure was stupid.

His contention that he thought CBS was supposed to pay the taxes on his $1 million prize might have been even remotely believable – might – if he hadn't also evaded the taxes on hundreds of thousands of dollars of other income.

Or did he think CBS was responsible for that too?

We'll see how long his sphincter can Outwit, Outplay and Outlast his fellow inmates.

On a related note, a crew member from "Survivor" told "The Howard Stern Show" that they were doing Hatch a big favor by pixelating the naked gay dude's genitals on TV.

May 12, 2006

Gay Left-Coast Kookiness


California_cuckoo I'm sure there are more such reports to be found in California alone, but a casual perusal of blogs this afternoon helps underscore the dogged determination of some gay liberals to alienate the rest of us who might otherwise support them on issues that concern us all.

BoiFromTroy writes about a trip to his local gay bookstore, during which he had hoped to find a copy of gay American Mary Cheney's new tome.  But the shop was good enough to carry plenty of copies of straight American, and frothy socialist, Noam Chomsky's new book.

Perhaps these are wise business decisions for someone with a West Hollywood clientele.  But why, then, call yourself a "gay" bookstore?  Answer: Because a disturbing number of gay Americans naïvely consider ultra-leftist politics part and parcel of the homosexual experience.  For millions of the rest of us, this just doesn't compute.

In a somewhat related story, Queerty reports that the California State Senate has passed a bill "that would require textbooks in public schools to instruct students on contributions by gays and lesbians in the state's development."

Normally I would decry the balkanization of education by officious politicians.  But the bill already reads like a laundry list of aggrieved groups — "men and women, Black Americans, American Indians, Mexicans, Asians, Pacific Islanders, and other ethnic groups, and people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender" — so gays might as well join the hit parade.  (It's similar to my thoughts on hate-crimes laws: They're stupid and pointless, but as long as we have them, gays should be protected by them.)

But why can't they just teach students about Californians' contributions to the state, regardless of whatever preferred group to which they belong?

May 05, 2006

Kennedy Addendum


I eagerly wait to hear what kind of criminal charges Rep. Kennedy will be facing.

Surely crashing your car while intoxicated would be viewed more seriously than being stopped for going 10 MPH over the speed limit with a blood-alcohol content barely above the legal limit.  Surely a congressman wouldn't be held to a lower standard than a schlub like me.

Freddy Quimby Meets Jeff Conaway


May 5, 2006, Boston Herald:

U.S. Rep. Patrick Kennedy insisted yesterday that he had consumed “no alcohol” before he slammed his Mustang convertible into a concrete barrier near his office, but a hostess at a popular Capitol Hill watering hole told the Herald she saw him drinking in the hours before the crash.


Earlier in the evening, Kennedy issued a statement through his office blaming the accident and strange behavior surrounding it on prescription drugs.

Jan. 8, 2006, a drunken Jeff Conaway on "Celebrity Fit Club":

"Everybody, thank you for your concern. It was nothing to be concerned about. I took a couple of Benadryl and I got loopy. ... I am on prescription drugs, yes."

UPDATE: Not to be flip about this situation, because Kennedy now has stopped lying and is going into drug rehab.  Hey, it worked for P.O.B.

May 03, 2006

Sanctity of Marriage Watch


Ricky Santorum, who believes that allowing gay people to marry signals the impending collapse of Western civilization if not the Apocalypse itself, is working hard to re-elect an adulterous House member who allegedly assaulted his mistress.  A spokeswoman had no comment on the obvious incongruity.

This is funnier than anything else I have written this week.

April 10, 2006

Surreal Time With Cynthia McKinney

CmMalbug_13 I don't know what school of PR Cynthia McKinney's lawyers and handlers went to, but one of the first things I ever learned about damage control was, "If you're in a hole, then put down the damn shovel."

In the latest stop on her you-a culpa tour, the Georgia congresswoman was on HBO's "Real Time With Bill Maher," denying that she had asserted that her altercation with a Capitol policeman was a function of racism, and then disingenuously expounding in the same breath on the racist nature of society.

Using the royal "we," McKinney argued essentially that her liberal credentials put her personal behavior off-limits to scrutiny, even when such behavior is potentially criminal.  To his credit, Bill Maher tried to call her on her bullshit – in his own timid, left-leaning way.

[Watch video – 8:26, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 8:26, WMV format, low bandwidth]

April 07, 2006

Who Needs Laws, Anyway?

Malbug_13First Gavin Newsom thumbed his nose at California's gay-marriage ban, now he says he will flout any federal immigration law he disagrees with.

Whether you agree or disagree with either of those laws (or potential laws) is irrelevant, but Newsom is a fart-smelling nitwit – albeit a very attractive one.  (I also blame his entirely incorrect tactics on gay marriage for much of the political blowback that eventually followed, far more than I blame Massachusetts judges.)

April 06, 2006

Quote of the Day

Malbug_13"I'm going to put your ass in jail. I'm a police officer."

Rep. Cynthia McKinney's bodyguard, an ex-police officer

April 04, 2006

Join the Bullshitters of America!

Malbug_13Bs1 God bless Penn Gillette!  If the vertically advantaged prestidigitator were to run for President, I'm pretty sure he'd have my vote.

For the past several years, ever since the landmark Boy Scouts of America v Dale case, I thought I had staked out a solid position: As reprehensible as I found the Boy Scouts' discrimination against gays and atheists, I don't cherry-pick the First Amendment.  I think that freedom of association is generally a good thing, because it means the assholes of the world will usually cordon themselves off where they won't bother the rest of us.

But then came last night's season premiere of Showtime's outstanding series "Bullshit!"

Penn and the silent though emotive Teller laid bare the tangled relationship between the Boy Scouts and government, relying on an almost incalculable amount of public funds and accommodations to carry out Scouting activities.

The Supreme Court essentially dismissed the intent of the New Jersey public-accommodations law that was at issue in the Dale case.  They also bought the BSA line that homosexuality is incompatible with the Boy Scouts' oath regarding what is "morally straight" and "clean," even though it is clear that such an interpretation of that oath is a perversion of the Scouts' history and its own past stated meaning of those terms.

As an aside, a few years back when I worked in the Senate, I played a bit part in helping to turn back legislative threats to the Scouts' dependence on government.  Even though I was accurately representing the position of my boss, I felt I could do so in good faith, based on my own experience in the Boy Scouts dating back to the early 1980s.  But as "Bullshit!" points out, the BSA was hijacked by the Mormon Church in the mid-'80s, and today I'm sickened that I didn't know the full story before now.

The bottom line is, you cannot have private membership standards that exclude a good swath of the public while continuing to suck off the public teat.  If the BSA were to turn back their millions of dollars in federal funds, and their millions more in the in-kind use of public accommodations, perhaps I could revert back to my laissez faire attitude in the second paragraph.

Until then, these duplicitous assholes – and their enablers in Washington, D.C. – need to be continually exposed to the harsh light of day.

Shine on, Penn and Teller.  Shine on.

I FORGOT TO ADD that the video below is generally NSFW, based on copious use of the word "fuck" and one brief female titty shot around 23 minutes in.

[Watch video – 29:29, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 29:29, WMV format, low bandwidth]

April 03, 2006

I Guess I'd Better Take the Pot Roast off the TV

Malbug_13This is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have read in a long time:

An unsuspecting woman purchased a "flat-screen television set" at a bargain price, the package even bubble-wrapped and complete with cord and controller.

But when the street consumer returned home that February day with her "steal" of a product, she was likely steamed.

"It was actually an oven door inside the package," explained South Bend Detective Sgt. Jim Walsh.

Of course, the date on the story says April 1, but the headline loudly proclaims it to be "no joke."

TV Squad, to which I tip my hat, suggests other items that might also be passed off as ersatz boob tubes:

  • car windshields
  • glass coffee table tops
  • the window from your living room

March 31, 2006

McKinney's Basic Instinct

Malbug_13As I write this, Cynthia McKinney and her fellow race hustlers are pleading the notoriously anti-Semitic congresswoman's case in her cop-smacking incident at a news conference before a hallelujah chorus at Howard University.  The case being, naturally, that the cop she physically assaulted was racist (and a far cry from her much more conciliatory "official" statement).

I'll leave my personal feelings about the congresswoman aside for the moment, or the cast of characters backing her up that included the America-hating Harry Belafonte, but I was struck by at least one thing:

Two rationales were provided for McKinney's behavior.  First, that the Capitol Police should be better trained to know who the Members of Congress are because it has a bearing on their safety.  (I'd add that a 10-year political veteran of D.C. like myself also can no longer recognize her after she ditched her trademark braids for a radically different 'do.)  I have also personally witnessed something similar happen to a white senator.

And second, Team McKinney is alleging that the police officer knew who she was and was harassing her merely because of her race.

Now, if you're going to mount a defense in advance of what is reportedly her potential arrest, shouldn't you at least be sure that the two reasons you give aren't directly contradictory?

March 29, 2006

Whom Did She Mean To Hit?

Malbug_13From today's Hotline Last Call (sub. only): "In a case of mistaken identity, Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) apparently punched a Capitol police officer. No response yet from her office."

March 12, 2006

I May Be a Queer, But I'm No Crook

Malbug_13Setting another great example of a prominent social conservative who tells everyone how to live but who has a car-wreck of a life himself, a former top Bush aide who was arrested for theft has a history of making anti-gay slurs while on the taxpayers' dime.

Could it impact the White House aspirations of George Allen, who appointed Claude Allen (no relation) to state government and has praised his "principles"?

March 07, 2006

Cole's Law(suit)

Malbug_13Input the name of English soccer player Ashley Cole into Google and scroll down the page, and for some reason you get this:


Wonder why?  So does Ashley, and it's all part of messy media lawsuit.

Cole is suing two British newspapers for stories about gay soccer orgies in which he was not named, but related to which his name subsequently appeared in Internet stories linking him to the sexy romps.  (So where is this picture everyone keeps saying exists?)  Cole is engaged to singer Cheryl Tweedy.

Google, by the way, claims that the search result is strictly computer-generated.

February 14, 2006

Gay Bits

Malbug_13U.S. military has wasted $363.8 million over 10 years discharging gays, also known as 404,672 suits of body armor.


One year later and "the leads have all but dried up" in the brutal dismemberment of Rashawn Brazell, a bisexual Brooklyn teen.  Police are pointing to the possibility that a "chance encounter" took his life.  —Reg. req. for link. (Thanks, James)


Andy has a good round-up of recent gay-marriage news:  William Weld continues to disappoint; Frist continues not to surprise.  Meanwhile, "It's good for your health!"

Malbug_13Tom Cruise: Still sue-happy after all these years.


DNC imitates gay-left blogophere: "You're ugly!  And fat!"

Malbug_13It's "Zbooby"?  Looks more like It's "Zpenis" to me.

Malbug_13MalcoVision will be studying Johnny Weir's every fey move tonight.

February 03, 2006

Bed-Wetters Making Lemons into Lemonade in Record Time


Remember how all the "progressive" activists told us about 20 minutes ago that Samuel Alito would be the downfall of Western civilization?  Well, it took the newest justice approximately one day on the court to get them to start changing their tune.

So maybe he's, you know, not so bad after all.

January 31, 2006

When All Else Fails, Blackmail

What else can be made of Mike Rogers' clumsy, pseudo Bond villain threat to a sitting U.S. Senator over Justice Alito's confirmation vote?

Mr. Senator:

Tomorrow you will be faced with a vote that may have the longest aftereffects of any other you have cast in your Senate career.

Tomorrow you will decide if your political position is worth more than doing what is right for others like you. For others like you, Mr. Senator, who engage in oral sex with other men. (Although, Mr. Senator, most of us don't do in the bathrooms of Union Station!) Your fake marriage, by the way, will NOT protect you from the truth being told on this blog.

How does this blog decide who to report on? It's simple. We report on hypocrites. In this case, hypocrites who vote against the gay and lesbian community while engaging in gay sex themselves*.

When you cast that vote, Mr. Senator, represent your own...it's the least you could do.

Michael Rogers

*While votes on many matters are considered, votes "FOR" either the Alito nomination and the Federal Marriage Amendment are enough to qualify legislators for reporting on this site.

As noted by Mal and myself, Samuel Alito has a mixed record on gay rights. There is no substantial, objective basis for gay rights groups and others to charge Justice Alito with homophobia or any other anti-gay attitudes. Instead, they must resort to cherry-picking cases in order to provide cover for their blatant Democratic partisanship.

In one fell swoop, Mike Rogers' has unmasked himself as truly unconcerned with gay rights as much as he wishes all to adhere to one partisan ideology, or else they must be destroyed. As this man reached unhinged some time ago, I'm at something of a loss in providing him with a new adjective to describe the level of delusion and crazy involved in trying to blackmail a U.S. Senator.

Perhaps starting a list of medications as suggestions wouldn't be out of place.

h/t Ace (because I sure as shit don't read over there)

January 30, 2006

Alito To Be Confirmed

Since I suffered through all the senatorial huffpuffery, I may as well note it. Cloture on Samuel Alito's Supreme Court nomination just passed 72-25. The filibuster attempt wasn't even close. Alito will be confirmed tomorrow morning around 11 AM EST.

That howling you hear just over the horizon is every moonbat and left-wing interest group revving up to tear their own political party apart. That is what will be a little strange about this. Now that the filibuster has failed (and hard), it is the Democrats who have much to fear from their base. Go figure, eh?

I'm a little disappointed in Hillary as well. Normally she chooses her issues with great care in regards to positioning herself in the center. Certainly, by supporting the filibuster, she had some reason to believe the vote would be remotely close. Major uncharacteristic misstep here. Unless, of course, she has begun to fear her chances in the primaries.

January 27, 2006

But What Does He Think of Sam "Alito"?


Writing on DailyKos.com, or what James Taranto brilliantly describes as "the Mos Eisley of the Angry Left," John Kerry said:

"Do I support a filibuster? The answer is yes.  Yesterday Senator Kennedy and I spoke with our colleagues about it. I don't have a shred of doubt in my opposition to Sam Alto's nomination."

Who is this "Sam Alto," and is he somehow related to Tony Soprano?