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June 17, 2009

All The World Is Your Doughnut

Mmmm Woo hoo! White gold!

A tanker truck loaded with doughnut glaze lost control and rolled over on Pacific Highway South this afternoon, oozing sugary syrup into a nearby culvert.

In a tanker truck? Was a flatbed of cruellers following close behind?

The comments accompanying the article are the best part.

May 19, 2006

Say Good-Night, Gracie — UPDATE

Wggang Malbug_17If you didn't watch last night's series finale of "Will & Grace," and you actually care to find out how things transpired on your own, then this post will be filled with spoilers aplenty.  But I will bury all of those after the jump.

It seems a little hard to find more than a handful of gays who are genuinely mourning the passing of W&G.  Many of the older ones feel, as I do, that its best years were long behind it; many of the younger ones simply ask, "Will and who?"

But even if we concede that W&G reinforced stereotypes or consigned gays to sexless, "nonthreatening" roles, it was still a groundbreaking series that brought needed messages to people who might not otherwise have heard them.  And for that, we should be thankful that Will, Grace, Karen and Jack came into our lives at all.

Continue reading "Say Good-Night, Gracie — UPDATE" »

May 18, 2006

Rub a Dub Doc

As part of ABC's Fall Schedule presentation, the actors on Grey's Anatomy reworked an infamous scene from earlier in the season. In the original, George dreams of taking a shower with the three attractive female interns he is living with at the time. In this parody clip, the tables are turned as Bailey walks in on a bastion of homoerotic soapiness.

h/t Pop Culture Junkies

May 16, 2006

The Dean of the Clueless Corps

Malbug_17DNC Chairman Howard Dean sauntered into the friendly confines of "The Daily Show" last night.  The audience dutifully applauded references to President Bush's low standing in the polls, as well as Dean's predictions of Democratic takeover of the House and/or Senate.

Dean1_1 But then host Jon Stewart had the temerity to ask just exactly how the Democrats were going to manage not to blow the opportunity before them.

Dean's plan: Let's put, say, four people in every state who will knock on as many as 5 to 6 million doors over the next few years.

"So the Dems are now as powerful as the Jehovah's Witnesses," Stewart said.

No, no, no!  See, this is where the plan gets brilliant.  If they're not home, then you hang this nifty little door-hanger on the doorknob!

Dean3 But Stewart was having none of it.  When he pressed Dean for an actual message, it was essentially, "We'll be less grafty than the other guy."

Then Dean actually angled the Democrats to the left of President Bush's centrist immigration policy.

Stewart neatly summed things up for Dean: "You are so not taking back the House and the Senate."

(Incidentally, no reference whatsoever was made to Dean's recent, humongous gaffes regarding gays.)

[Watch video – 7:38, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 7:38, WMV format, low bandwidth]

In other "Daily Show" news, Stewart took a cold, hard look at the reports of NSA-related phone shenanigans.

900gay_1 Hot on the heels of Administration denials of surveillance of domestic phone calls came a USA Today story last week stating that the National Security Agency has indeed kept a massive database regarding billions of domestic phone calls.

The government explanation has been that the database analyzes only call patterns, and not the content of all the calls themselves, to spot potential terrorists.

As Stewart points out, it's probably cold comfort to those of us whose call patterns are suspicious for any number of other reasons.

[Watch video – 6:22, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:22, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 15, 2006

SNL Hits It Out of the Park


With just one episode remaining in the season, "Saturday Night Live" is finishing strong.

Maybe it was the remaining Vlada vodka in my system as I watched it yesterday morning, but I laughed uproariously at several of the sketches.  Hosted by SNL and "Seinfeld" alum Julia Louis-Dreyfus, there was very little to criticize from start to finish.

Al_gore_1 I've included several of the sketches in a meaty highlight reel:

First, during the cold open, we are asked to imagine an alternate universe in which (the real) Al Gore was elected President in 2000 and re-elected in 2004, leading to a comically utopian America.  But President Gore is troubled by a host of new "problems" that he has helped create.  It's a great prelude to the real President's address to the nation tonight.

This sketch was priceless, and Gore's delivery was perfect.

Horatio_sanz Next, Kristin Wiig and Horatio Sanz are hosts of what looks like the worst TV morning show in history.  Everything that can go wrong, does, including Sanz's accidental grab of Julia Louis-Dreyfus's boobs.  It hearkened back to Elaine's own unintentional grope of Teri Hatcher on "Seinfeld."  ("They're real, and they're spectacular!")

I have watched that sketch three times, and I belly-laugh every time.

Andy_samberg Third, Andy Samberg plays a Learning Annex teacher of a class to teach people how to set up their own MySpace page.  Except that the class is filled almost entirely with pervy older men with ulterior motives.

I keep getting distressed when I watch something that proves that pedophilia – or at least the suggestion of it – can be funny.  But in this case, it's true.  Sanz again shines in this sketch.

Julia_louis_dreyfus And finally, while probably the weakest of the four (mainly because it dragged on a bit too long) was a '70s-era gameshow spoof called "Charades," with Chris Parnell as host Bert Convy and a panel of D-list celebrities.  Darrell Hammond was especially great as Rich Little, who incessantly interrupted with daft but hilarious non sequitur impressions.

The joke here was that all the charades Louis-Dreyfus's character had to act out were all part of a cruel, common theme.

The period costumes and wigs were terrific, as was Parnell's oversized microphone.

[Watch video – 23:24, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 23:24, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 11, 2006

The Best Straight Friend We Wish We Had

Kathy_griffin Given the sparkly bent of our genetic code, it goes without saying that we here at Malcontent are big fans of Kathy Griffin. Whenever a commercial airs promoting the upcoming June premiere of her Bravo show, My Life on the D-List, we're given to deep sighs and daydreams of one day earning an invitation to become one of her gays.

As a taste of things to come, everyone's favorite fagnet hits the boards with her latest stand-up special, Kathy Griffin: Strong Black Woman. In these highlights, Kathy dishes about her rapid pink-slipping from the E! Red Carpet Special, celebrity rehab, her feud with Steven Spielberg, Tom Cruise's meltdown, who us gay folk lust after, Anderson Cooper, and the greatest things about Oprah.

Catching the entire show on Bravo is highly, highly recommended, if only for her total re-enactment of being locked out of a hotel room without any pants, and a backstage session with Celine Dion that includes autographs, photos, and light petting.

[Watch video – 11:57, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 11:57, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 10, 2006

Will and Gracing Oprah's Couch

Oprahisatwat_1 The cast of Will & Grace kicked off their week-long farewell tour on this morning's Oprah, offering up interviews, favorite clips, and a host of banter and secret sharing that isn't nearly as revealing as some people might wish.

The most awkward moment is absolutely Oprah's question to Eric McCormack about being a straight man playing a gay character, as the crickets chirp and the camera pans to a Sean Hayes who has no intention of touching the topic with a stolen Cher wig.

Instead we're treated to thoughts on defecation and other assorted things. While Will & Grace broke many barriers when it originally aired, I admit to have gone off the show as soon as the idea of Grace having a baby took over the running plot. The introduction of Leo and the increased pseudo-seriousness eroded the show's humor, tenor, and characters until I began to forget it was even on. Over the past four years, I might have seen three full episodes.

Still, it is worth remembering what the television climate was like when Will & Grace premiered. Ellen had gone off the air because of the concentration on her sexuality. We were living in the age before Queer As Folk and the L-Word.

If Will & Grace is stale and has run its course, the cast and crew still deserve to take their bows. When people are looking back at the age of the gay rights movement and how open gay culture finally entered the mainstream of American society, this is a show that will rightly belong on our little pink wall of fame.

Video clips deleted at demand of Jeffrey Friedman, attorney for Oprah Winfrey

May 09, 2006

Crazy Cat Ladies, Demented Dog Dudes


This week "Penn & Teller: Bullshit!" takes on people who love their pets just a little too much.

Or, as many are known in the modern parlance, "crazy cat ladies."  (Sidebar trivia: Malco-blessings on the first person who can give the actual name of the Crazy Cat Lady from "The Simpsons.")

Featured clips include a woman with no life and roughly 25 cats, and a rather disgusting glass-blower.

I spared you the guy who is getting rich selling fake dog testicles, however.

I don't have a big problem with the anthropomorphizing of pets – although it isn't for me – but it does tend to go hand-in-hand with animal "rights."  The duo don't get into that topic here, although they excoriated PETA in a previous episode.

When animals start paying taxes, then maybe we can discuss their "rights."  (As always, Penn's language might be a bit strong for some work environments.)

[Watch video – 8:44, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 8:44, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Battle of the Religious Wacko Summer Movies

Hanks1 Malbug_17

Seems the Scientologists have had more luck shutting down unflattering portrayals of their cult "religion" lately than have the Catholics.

Tom Cruise got the infamous "South Park" episode yanked, but thus far, the steamroller of PR for The Da Vinci Code rolls on, despite the best efforts of the Catholic hierarchy.

Eight-time host of "Saturday Night Live" Tom Hanks returned to the late-night show this weekend to promote his impending summer blockbuster, and once again he showed his comedic roots.

In these two sketches, he is featured as the world's grossest yoga partner, and also in a group of four tennis snobs who happened to have 13 arms among them.

[Watch video – 9:09, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 9:09, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 08, 2006

The War Against Sex

Bill_maher As Dan Savage is given to saying, the religious right in America does not merely hate the homosexual agenda, but the heterosexual agenda as well. Opposition to vaccinations against a cancer-causing STD, bans against sex toys, severe issues with even life-saving contraception, and a Kansas crusade against heavy petting, there are few aspects of human sexuality outside of blind missionary that are safe against the prying policemen of American puritanism.

Taken in this context, we gay folk are truly the canaries in the coalmine of sexual freedom. When they came for the anonymous warehouse-sling sex, I said nothing; for I did not go to creepy warehouses with older, vaguely foreign men in boots . . .

I think we all know the poem.

Friday's Real Time with Bill Maher tackled this issue with its panel. Liberals and conservatives holding hands. Mass hysteria. Bill even chimes in on the forest of debate over manscaping.

[Watch video – 6:58, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:58, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 04, 2006

A Very Brady Thursday


Kissing_bradysLike many queer Gen X'ers, "The Brady Bunch" was part of my sexual awakening.

I've thought that Christopher Knight was one of the hottest bipeds for longer than I can recollect.  That whole "Time to Change" thing?  Puh-leeze.  I was changing right along with his voice.

Despite the reports of Barry Williams's on-set hetero hijinks, I guess I always had hoped that at least one of the hot Brady boys was gay.

Tonight, "That 70s Show" provided me with two gay Bradys.

Williams and Knight played a gay couple who moved in next door to the Formans.  This obviously tested the limits of Red's tolerance, but in a twist, he found a much more obvious reason to hate the playahs and their game.  (I am siding with the gay Minnesota natives on this one.)

[Watch video – 7:45, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 7:45, WMV format, low bandwidth]

May 03, 2006

Time Warner Jackpot Sparks Outrage


New York (AP) — On the heels of Time Warner's announcement of a $1.46 billion first-quarter profit, the Senate Commerce Committee has announced hearings next week to investigate potential price-gouging.

"All those zeroes," said Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), Senate Commerce Committee Chairman, loosening his Incredible Hulk tie.  "All those freakin' zeroes!"

"A profit that high cannot possibly be a result of market forces," said Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.), a committee member.  "I will not stand by idly while hard-working Americans and Vietnam veterans are made to pay obscene prices for substandard news and entertainment."

Commerce Committee staff members have been combing through the media giant's shareholder reports, news articles and other documents for evidence that the company is taking unfair advantage of consumers.

As the nation heads into the busy summer entertainment season, senators are concerned that high prices for Time Warner products are stretching Americans' disposable incomes thin.  Others expressed anger at Time Warner's profligate spending.

"They're paying Anderson Cooper $2 million a year for, what, 300,000 viewers a night?" said Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-Wash.)  "I mean, that's half of what Brian Williams makes on NBC, but about 6 million fewer viewers."


Richard Parsons, Time Warner chairman and CEO,
receives his annual bonus

"Look at this list of underperforming properties," said Sen. Trent Lott (R-Miss.)  "Ratings for 'The Sopranos' are in the toilet.  The Atlanta Braves' starting (pitching) rotation has an ERA of – what – like, 12?  And Quack.com?  What the fuck is that?"

Senators said they intend to press Time Warner to adopt austerity measures.

"Do they really need a 'Fortune 500'?" asked Sen. Conrad Burns (R-Mont.)  "Isn't 300 or 400 good enough?"

Richard Parsons, chairman and CEO of Time Warner, was reached for comment atop a four-story pile of money.

"The men and women of Time Warner are working hard to shore up this critical sector of the U.S. economy," he said, lighting a fat Montecristo Platinum with a fistful of stock options.

"With Americans importing more of their news from Britain and more of their feature films from Europe, they should be thankful that there are still domestic media leviathans to make them think and laugh."

A Senate Commerce Committee spokesman said hearings would be scheduled for Tuesday, and that Parsons and other top executives could expect tough questioning.

"Like any red-blooded American, I'd fuck Brandon Routh too," said Sen. John Sununu (R-N.H.)  "But $11 is still an awful lot to ask for Superman Returns, and that's even before nachos and a Coke."

May 02, 2006

Bart(lett)'s Familiar Quotations


Find a "Simpsons" quote for every occasion.

How scary is it that I have probably used a majority of those in the past week?

May 01, 2006

A Sweet Preview

Malbug_13YouTube has a teaser trailer for the "Strangers With Candy" movie, scheduled for release on June 28:

The film is a prequel that has Jerri Blank (Amy Sedaris) returning home 32 years after becoming a runaway.  It also stars Stephen Colbert and Paul Dinello "as a bible thumping science teacher and soft minded art teacher (respectively) in tragic love with each other."

The Violentest Way To Wake Up

Malbug_13I really should start watching "Good Morning America" more often.  At least according to AOL Television, it sounds like Charlie might be taking getting snubbed for the ABC anchor gig kind of hard:

GMA Rape

Anyone else going to click on the "remind me" link?

April 30, 2006

Interspecies Marriage is Apparently OK


Family_guy_gay "Family Guy" was a little late in arriving to the gay-marriage party, 14 months after their Fox rival, "The Simpsons," married off Patty to professional golfer Veronica.

But, as always, it was worth the wait.

Brian's gay canine cousin, Jasper, brought his hairless, Filipino boyfriend to the Griffins' house, only to announce that they were engaged to be married.

Mayor Adam West, mired in a growing political scandal involving a breakfast cereal-loving frog, decides to sign a bill outlawing gay marriage as a diversionary measure.

Is it ironic that the man who played Batman – whose close relationship with Robin has inspired gay superheroes everywhere – would work to outlaw gay marriage?

I couldn't decide what to leave in and what to cut out of such a "fabulous" (sorry, Stewie) episode, so this Malcovision clip is a big, umm, longer than usual.  *COUGH*

Recommended viewing: Bill Clinton's song about what a fine day it is to be nude (6 minutes in).  Oh, and the instructional film on how to know when "you've got a gay."

[Watch video – 20:39, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 20:39, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Non-Ambiguously Funny





It may have been the equivalent of a clip show, but "Saturday Night Live" is always at its best when it features Rob Smigel's "Saturday TV Funhouse," and even better when the old clips are hosted by those ambiguously gay crime-fighters, Ace and Gary.

Two dozen of Smigel's most brilliant cartoons and films were shown on this weekend's SNL, sticking the shiv deep into everybody from Michael Jackson and Tara Reid to Disney, politicians and the Smurfs.

When Ace and Gary are picking the clips, you know there's bound to be some, uh, attention-grabbing content, such as Tom Brady in his underwear in a sexual-harassment training video or a naked Andy Samberg (with unfortunate pixelation).

I didn't bother including the clip with Samberg.  The screen grab is probably all you need to know anyway.

Genre_and_gary A couple of bits of trivia: First, Ace and Gary are voiced by "The Daily Show" alums Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell, respectively.  And second, last night I noticed for the first time that the "G" on Gary's chest resembles the "G" from Genre magazine, which is also a play on the "male" symbol: ♂.  Maybe it's coincidence, maybe not.

Enjoy the clips.

[Watch video – 17:04, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 17:04, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Colbert's Correspondents Course

Colbert_dinner There's quite a bit of political frothing over Stephen Colbert's appearance at the White House Correspondent Dinner over the weekend. The usual suspects are leaping and hooting in the trees with roughly a thousand threads saluting the courage Colbert in taking on the President. I'll simply note that when a political party's hero of the year is a comedian, that's probably a sign of nothing good.

As for the actual performance, it's good in parts, awkward and stilted in others. The Helen Thomas Terminator 2 bit goes on far too long and has been trimmed. I'm a big fan of Colbert's right-wing pundit character, often featuring him in Malcovision, but he wears thin under the strain of twenty unbroken minutes. Though he seems very much out of his element, there are a few worthwhile moments and jokes interspersed throughout.

[Watch video – 20:35, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 20:35, WMV format, low bandwidth]

April 28, 2006

Quote of Last Night

"Donald Trump donated 436 acres of wilderness to the state of New York but asked that the land be named after him. It's true, yeah, the park consists of 400 acres of trees, all combed over to one side."

— Conan O'Brien, last night on "Late Night With Conan O'Brien"

Quote of the Morning

"Poor bastard took it better than a gay porn star. ... Wait, he did take it from a gay porn star."

Rep. Linda Sanchez, (D-CA) on Scott McClellan (from "DC's Funniest Celebrity" contest, as quoted by The Hotline, sub. req.)