The Malcontent

Can't Take His Eyes Off of You

Most TV news anchors can't ad lib their way out of a crumpled up tissue.

But it can be fun to watch them try, because sometimes the unscripted banter will reveal the deepest thoughts of local news personalities.

Take WNBC's "Today in New York" co-anchor Rob Morrison.  He was at his tinfoil hat-wearing best this morning, convinced that his TV talks to him as he introduced a piece on today's Tony nominations.

Sure, his bio says he has a wife.  But it sounds like he might also be willing to carve out some conjugal space for "Jersey Boys" star John Lloyd Young.

[Watch video – 0:50, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 0:50, WMV format, low bandwidth]

A Saturday 'Mo-saic

Reader Ken sends us this appealing set of imagery of soap hottie Adrian Bellani, giving me yet another reason to quit my job and stay home watching daytime television:

Enjoy your weekend, everyone.  It was supposed to be rainy and miserable here in NYC.  Instead, it is brilliantly sunny and 65.  Kinda puts a crimp in my indoor cleaning plans.

Why Elliot Will Win

Columnist John Podhoretz applies a political model to "American Idol" voting and predicts a winner.  He could be onto something.

Of the three remaining contestants, I think Katharine would make the best Idol (my criteria being someone who can sell records and sell out venues), probably followed by Elliot.  I just don't see how Taylor is as sellable as the others.

[Thanks, Alan!]

Friends Don't Let Friends Cook Drunk

Those of you with RSS readers, or with so much time on your hands that you're always hitting "refresh" on this site, might already have seen this headline.  I accidentally managed to send a mangled, incomplete version of this post last night, which I'll blame on the Lunesta.

It's probably a bit ironic, then, because the story I had intended to tell was a cautionary tale about why another harmful chemical, vodka, should be outlawed.

Or, at least, the too-yummy vodka at my favorite new Manhattan gay bar, Vlada.

Hubbie and I met up there with a number of friends after dinner and proceeded to take a tour through their home-brewed infused vodkas.  Among those I can recommend personally: cranberry, pineapple, peach, apple-cinnamon, and ginger.  I am sure there were others too, but for some odd reason, they're not coming to me at the moment.

After a few more hours and another stop on the way home, something gooey and fattening was sounding very good to us.  We're in a bit of a mac-n-cheese rut these days, so we decided to pull out all the stops: a box of Kraft Deluxe Macaroni and Cheese.

A little after 3 a.m., I brought some water to a boil, then threw the noodles into the pot.  I carefully set the timer for 10 minutes.

We parked it in front of the TV.  But unfortunately, we were on The Cloud.  You see, The Cloud has this strange, deeply narcotic effect whenever you lie down on it.  No matter how alert you might be, it has the power to drag your body effortlessly off to sleep.

Knowing this, Hubbie prodded me a couple of times and asked if I had set the timer.  Of course I had.  I'm not all irresponsible-like.

About an hour later, we awoke to the shrill squeal of the smoke detector.  I leapt from the sofa to the kitchen in a single bound.  The water had completely evaporated from the pot, leaving a half-scorched, congealed mass of macaroni behind, belching putrid smoke.

I hit the reset button on the smoke alarm and took the pot from the burner.  Eh, it didn't look all that bad.  Besides, when I eat lasagna, I love the crusty, overcooked corner pieces best.  I drunkenly devoured my half; Hubbie politely declined.

* * *

Yesterday we were lolling in bed into the early afternoon when I heard what I could have sworn was the beeping of the timer on the stove.  I went to the kitchen to investigate.  Sure enough, the timer had gone off and now displayed "END" on its LCD screen.

I did some quick math in my head.  The 10 minutes that I had so carefully entered into the timer the night before had actually been 10 hours.  Maybe I thought I was cooking mac-n-cheese the Crockpot way?

Beware, Toby: This could be your life in 12 years!

Drive-By Blogging

Miserable old troll Mike Rogers, the Abu Musab al-Zarqawi of the gay blogosphere, is up to his old tricks.  I'm not sure what to call it anymore, because it isn't really even an "outing" campaign: His latest victim was never "in."  (And no, Mike, it isn't "reporting."  Your partisan hackery is a brown santorum stain on real journalists everywhere.)

The case for the prosecution this time seems to be that his target works for a guy who doesn't want the international community to be associated with a group that has had past ties to pedophiles, and he's also supposedly a bit brusque – according to a hard-left New York publication, that is.  Rogers apparently hasn't worked with many PR folks before.

Mike Rogers eats up to three square meals a day.  Meanwhile, 842 million innocent people are starving around the globe.

There truly is no justice in this world.

Shout Outs

A hearty hey-now to Fausto & Mark and their zany crew, Jessica and anyone without a website whom I met last night at the monthly Adam New York event.

But someone, please, remind me to go easier on the Grey Goose next time.  After a while, it tends to lead me to assault a couple of guys: namely, Ben and Jerry.  (Or perhaps weep softly while watching Elliott Yamin's home videos on DVR.)

For those in the New York area, come out to the Starlite Lounge tonight to meet the Feast of Fools in person!  They're the gayest podcasters ever.  And very sweet guys, to boot.

"A" Is for Alcohol "Adam"

If you're a New York 'mo and you find yourself heartily applauding this guy (at least until his thesis goes all agnostic at the end), then read no further.

But if you're like me – a young-ish professional looking for more ways to meet quality guys in low-pressure settings, and without DJs whose main goal seems to be wreaking permanent damage on your central nervous system – then listen up:

In November, I attended the launch of the Adam New York social network, which was founded by a pleasant young Brit named David Marrinan-Hayes.  There is an online component to Adam at the soon-to-be upgraded website, but there are also monthly real-world get-togethers for those of us who can sever our cyber-umbilicals for a few hours.

The group is open to anyone who lives in, works in or just wants to visit Manhattan to meet like-minded professionals.  It is diverse, friendly and not particularly cruisy – an environment that, ironically, probably makes the cruising easier.

The first Adam gathering started with about 20 people, which has since grown exponentially, leading David to move it to a larger venue in the ultra-swanky Soho House.  David was kind enough to allow The Malcontent to extend 100 invitations (and possibly more if demand is great) to the next get-together:

7 to 11 p.m.
Wednesday, April 12
"The Library" at Soho House
29-35 9th Avenue
New York, NY  10014  [mapquest]

If you would like to attend, you can either register directly online at www.thisisadam.com or email [email protected], and remember to drop our name.  The first 50 attendees get a free glass of bubbly.

Be there, and maybe you'll launch your career as gay New York's next It Boy!

Woulda, Coulda, Vlada

A new gay bar that's actually north of the Garment District?  This Upper East Sider is so there!

I Call Dibs on Stanford

HBO aims to keep the "Sex and the City" flamers burning with an upcoming reality show.

Is That a Saddlehorn in Your Pocket ...

What is it with you people and cowboys?  Apparently the thought of a hot buckaroo and a little two-stepping made a few of you wish you had tuned in to last night's "Will & Grace."  (Seems a lot of you aren't doing that lately.)  That's where MalcoVision comes in.

Despite my seeming fixation on Brokeback Mountain, I usually go to country bars only to ensure continued "domestic tranquility."  Which is where beef No. 1 with "Will & Grace" comes in: Not only is there no bar called "Cowpoke" in Manhattan, but there are no good gay C&W bars at all.  (My second beef is the way they unceremoniously disposed of Taye Diggs' character, James.)

In last night's episode, Jack takes Will to the Cowpoke to meet his new boyfriend.  The hot cowboy was played by actor Shawn Christian, who started his career on "As the World Turns" from 1994 to 1997 and has bounced around various TV gigs since then.

[Watch video – 8:24, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 8:24, WMV format, low bandwidth]

BREAKING NEWS: Hella Fire?

Can anyone tell me if there was a crash at the 34th Street heliport or something?  My view of it is obstructed, but there is major black smoke coming from that direction, and a lot of emergency vehicles there.

UPDATE: My employer has described it as a "smoke condition at the Con Edison Building at 39 Street & 1st Avenue."  I loves me some euphemisms.

I'm a Bitch, Part II

Lest there be any mistake out there as to the legitimacy of my (admittedly lengthy) letter complaining about my apartment management's negligence regarding problems within my own walls, allow me to pass along a new tidbit I learned about their incompetence in the rest of the building.

I received a notice today from ConEd notifying me that the management company has failed to pay a $24,000 "security deposit" for our building's electricity, and that if it is not paid by April 1, power will be shut off to all common areas (but not apartments) in the building.  It's not bad enough that most of the lights in my apartment don't work; now I might have to go without the light that comes in from the hallway!

This is what I get for $4,400 a month, people.

Lights, Camera, Homos

Think you might be the next John Waters or John Cameron Mitchell?

The Logo series "The Click List: Best in Short Film" is showcasing up-and-coming GLBT filmmakers.

One of the films recently featured was the New York-shot "Seeing You in Circles," directed by Sam McConnell.  It's a poignant story about ex-boyfriends meeting up again at their favorite hang-out.  It is told in a style not dissimilar to Rashômon, with an individual focus on each of the characters.

I've grown a little weary of those who think networks like Logo don't fill much of a purpose.  I'm sure the vast swath of Americans who don't have access to a gay and lesbian film festival like those of us in the big cities, for example, might have a differing view.

[Watch video – 20:33, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 20:33, WMV format, low bandwidth]

I'm a Bitch, But Not a Lover

Normally when I ask something like whether I should post my whiny letter to my apartment's management company (poll on the right-hand sidebar), I would be prone to listen to the 10 percent who don't want to hear about it than those who do.

But I'm on a plane, I'm bored, and I don't want to watch a movie yet.  So you get to suffer with me.

Ad-vocacy

Ramtha, c. 33,000 B.C.

Ramtha, c. Today

Let me take just a moment to indulge in my semi-regular obsequience on behalf of our generous advertisers.  Please click them early and often.

And what better place to start than with our newest bandwidth supporter, my Lord and Savior, RAMTHA.

And why have I sworn eternal allegiance to a 35,000-year-old sage from the lost continent of Atlantis?  Because RAMTHA says that the power is within us!  RAMTHA says that we can become a remarkable life and change our world!  RAMTHA says we can be entertained and enlightened!

And most impressively, can't we all get down with an entity that preaches the following?:

Ramtha says mirrors are portals to a parallel universe. Ramtha says children with Down syndrome have "chosen" their condition. Ramtha says you can read minds, alter your own DNA, reverse aging, teleport, travel through time, and prolong your life with Twinkies.

(These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.  RAMTHA is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.)

RAMTHA, coming soon to Cuenca, Ecuador; Houffalize, Belgium; and New York City!

And don't forget the other stalwarts:

Our PREMIUM SPONSOR, 411metro.com

John Waters Presents Movies That Will Corrupt You

Scott-o-Rama (not to be confused with that Irish sage from Atlantis, Scott O'Ramtha)

And brand new episodes of Ghost Whisperer on CBS.

And the Winner Is ...

If Project Runway were American Idol, the people would have crowned Daniel V. the winner of the design show's second season.  But did Heidi, Michael, Nina and guest judge Debra Messing agree?  (By the way, could they have thrown a dart and hit a celebrity judge with more vapid commentary?)

If you actually care about the outcome but somehow managed not to find out who won – even though other blogs are just blurting it out with no spoiler warning (you know who you are!) – then you came to the right place.

First, we present a big, steaming, video slice of last night's season finale of PR.

[Watch video – 25:35, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 25:35, WMV format, low bandwidth]

If the suspense is killing you and you'd rather not sit still for 25 minutes, then take the last train to Spoilerville, and meet us after the jump.  We've included pictures of all 39 outfits that were featured ...

My Farmer's Not Gay, Is Yours?

Others have noted The New York Times' laughably tardy foray yesterday into reporting on real-life women whose husbands later come out as gay, a la Brokeback Mountain.

But as an alert reader pointed out, there was a curiously gay-unfriendly reference near the top of the article.  After relating the story of Amy Jo Remmele, a rural Minnesota woman who was divorced from her husband after she discovered his Gay.com profile, reporter Katy Butler then includes this seemingly gratuitous line:

"Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans — is one of an estimated 1.7 million to 3.4 million American women who once were or are now married to men who have sex with men."

If Ms. Butler doesn't toe the Times' GLBT line a little more carefully, she could find herself yanked from the Old Pink Lady's gay beat.

I suppose it's germane that Mrs. Remmele is now remarried, but that bit about "a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans"?  Are we to think that she is somehow less likely to wind up with a gay man because her hubby is some strapping pastoralist stereotype who's out bucking bales of hay every day?  Perhaps she could have made her point more clearly by writing: "Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who puts his penis into her vagina every day ..."

Obviously, Ms. Butler didn't see Brokeback Mountain, because if it taught us nothing else, it was that cowboys are all humping each other like ferrets.

[Note: There is at least a thin mist of sarcasm hovering over this post.]

Entertainment, Tonight

All those trips to East Hampton, and I never knew that we had been in the presence of a piece of kitsch history.

The husband has turned me onto the phenomenon known as "Grey Gardens."  Originally an acclaimed documentary about a pair of eccentric (to put it mildly) ladies who were related to Jackie O, and now in production as a movie to star Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange, it has also inspired an Off-Broadway musical that has been even harder to get tickets to than "Wicked."  (Really.)

Well, we did manage to get tickets, but they are for tonight.  Oscar night.  So I present for your reading pleasure a selected mix of sites that will be providing ample live-blogging snark for the Oscars:

First, there are my eternal lovers at The Pen15 Club.  Bookmark these guys, now.

And then there are the rest:

LA Weekly's Deadline Hollywood Daily

Entertainment Weekly's Popwatch

PAJAMASMEDIA's team coverage

The indispensable, fantastical Cinematical

Robertik's Oscar fashion snark forum

Popbytes

If you're aware of any others worth mentioning, let me know.

One More Surgery, and the Lip Plate Is Free

"New York City's Most Famous Transsexual," Amanda Lepore, is trying to cash in on the success of the Oscar-nominated movie "Transamerica."

She showed up on "The Insider" yesterday for no discernible reason other than to be Amanda Lepore, and to talk about the panoply of surgeries that got her there.

The list was so long that "Entertainment Tonight" announced its spin-off, "The Insider," would itself be spun off into a show to handle the formidable task.

Perhaps the most shocking revelation was that the next surgical procedure for Lepore, her lips already resembling two roller-brushed slabs of calves' liver, would involve skin-darkening and the implantation of a labial disk so that she would live among the Mursi tribeswomen of Ethiopia.

(OK, I made up most of this post.)

[Watch video – 3:24, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 3:24, WMV format, low bandwidth]

Gay Bits

U.S. military has wasted $363.8 million over 10 years discharging gays, also known as 404,672 suits of body armor.

One year later and "the leads have all but dried up" in the brutal dismemberment of Rashawn Brazell, a bisexual Brooklyn teen.  Police are pointing to the possibility that a "chance encounter" took his life.  —Reg. req. for link. (Thanks, James)

Andy has a good round-up of recent gay-marriage news:  William Weld continues to disappoint; Frist continues not to surprise.  Meanwhile, "It's good for your health!"

Tom Cruise: Still sue-happy after all these years.

DNC imitates gay-left blogophere: "You're ugly!  And fat!"

It's "Zbooby"?  Looks more like It's "Zpenis" to me.

MalcoVision will be studying Johnny Weir's every fey move tonight.