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February 06, 2006

Beddin' to the Oldies

Richard1_1

Simmons_1

Malbug_13On "Entertainment Tonight," bed-ridden, 400-pound Jeremy Norman of Ohio was visited by Brillo-headed fitness guru Richard Simmons.  (I think only Norman's leg must have on the scale at the time, but I digress.)  One is a breathtaking, one-man freak show; the other is a kid who needs to lose a few pounds.

Richard the Weird sashayed his trademark pink, short-shorted self into Norman's hospital room, bearing balloons and a receding hairline.  (For a man who is supposed so be concerned about others, Simmons also came armed with a suspicious number of plugs for his show on Sirius satellite radio.)

Norman and his wife met in a chatroom, his enormity igniting some sense of Christian duty within her.  True to form, the sequined nightmare blubbered through a pledge to help the adipose 21-year-old get down to 200 pounds.

Somehow, Simmons' overwrought antics didn't trigger cardiac arrest in his latest subject of exploitation, although it likely triggered gag reflexes nationwide.

[Watch video – 2:59, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 2:59, WMV format, high bandwidth]

December 27, 2005

Television Countdown '05

Thesoup As the final week of 2005 gains steam, we can expect to see endless lists, top tens, bests, worsts, and mainly reminders of things we'd totally forgotten about.

So it is with television. E!'s The Soup recently compiled a list of the top 40 television clips of the year. Of course, they have excellent taste. Many of the clips they selected have appeared on Malcovision over the past few months, including an inexplicable visit to Katrina ravaged New Orleans by Richard Simmons, the Harry Potter and Ron Weasley boy crush, and - of course! - the appearance of Margaret "dark-sided" Perrin.

In this highlight clip, we're treated to Barbara Walters' strange homophobia, a reminder that Rosie O'Donnell embarrassed herself as a mentally-challenged woman while the audience howled with laughter, lesbians dressed as Boy Scouts, George Takei's frank interview about his homosexuality, Kirstie Alley lusting for food, a Brokeback Mountain spoof, and The Soup's #1 clip of the year . . . Whitney Houston turns out to be Republican.

[Watch video – 6:24, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 6:24, WMV format, low bandwidth]

September 09, 2005

Lack of Irony Is Painful

"D. Earl Griffin"

Malbug_13

I just had to link to this and this, mainly because I know it will make "D. Earl's" day – and I do strive to bring a little joy into people's miserable little lives – but also because I find it more than a little fascinating that someone clearly hates me so much, yet dedicates nearly one-quarter of their recent posts to me.

Keep on coming back, D. Earl!  I'd miss you if you left me.

Hugs and kisses,

MalcontentNY

September 07, 2005

Richard Simmons Jumps the Couch on ET

Malbug_13

Richardsimmons I tried to resist.  Really, I did.  I tried so hard.

They teased me last night with Mary Hart's interview of a shuddering Richard Simmons, clad in his trademark short-shorts and a black "muscle" shirt with hearts sequined all over it.  I was strong and posted about Oprah instead.

But then Entertainment Tonight's cameras followed Richard today to hurricane country for a tearful, blubbering reunion with his brother.  (Actually, Richard blubbered, while his brother just looked embarrassed and bored.)

Tonight the "muscle" shirt was identical, except that the sequined hearts were now on a red background.

I'm sure some will call me an insensitive prick, but watch the video for yourself and tell me that Richard isn't just asking for it.

Tell me that he isn't either seriously disturbed, that he doesn't have the emotional level of a 7-year-old, or that perhaps he isn't mildly retarded.  (If it is the latter, I apologize, but the man has been putting his flaming, lampoon-able self out there for years.)  Above all else, tell me he isn't trying just a little too hard to milk this human tragedy for publicity.

You just know the ET crew was stifling their laughter until they could get back to the truck and play it back, then they just laughed and laughed until they cried.

Did you catch the details of the story?  Richard didn't lose anyone in the disaster, nor does he really seem to know anyone who did.  He just seems really, really upset that he knows people who were down there ... and lived.  (Time to up the meds, Richard, because that describes about three-quarters of the U.S. population!)

I need to stop typing and roll it.  It's too much ...

[Watch video – 6.6mb, 2:36, WMV format]