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May 09, 2006

Holding Out for a Hero


Ben_fosterThe new issue of The Advocate has a focus on the gays' fixation on superheroes, which should mean many a queer dollar spent this summer to see Superman Returns and X-Men: Final Stand.

Brandon's fabled bulge notwithstanding, I was especially curious to see that Ben Foster would be playing "The Angel," a winged mutant who looks like he just dragged his ass in from the White Party.

Foster, as you may recall, played Claire's bisexual boyfriend Russell on several episodes of "Six Feet Under."  But as you will see in the photo, could it be that sensitive, little artist Russell is – of all things – fuckin' ripped?

The flick also features Kelsey Grammer as a character known as "The Beast."

I can just see a blue, ultra-effete mutant, and how menacing he will really be: "Niles, I'm going to disembowel you!"

Battle of the Religious Wacko Summer Movies

Hanks1 Malbug_17

Seems the Scientologists have had more luck shutting down unflattering portrayals of their cult "religion" lately than have the Catholics.

Tom Cruise got the infamous "South Park" episode yanked, but thus far, the steamroller of PR for The Da Vinci Code rolls on, despite the best efforts of the Catholic hierarchy.

Eight-time host of "Saturday Night Live" Tom Hanks returned to the late-night show this weekend to promote his impending summer blockbuster, and once again he showed his comedic roots.

In these two sketches, he is featured as the world's grossest yoga partner, and also in a group of four tennis snobs who happened to have 13 arms among them.

[Watch video – 9:09, WMV format, high bandwidth]

[Watch video – 9:09, WMV format, low bandwidth]

August 16, 2005

Content (A.K.A. "Ptown Marriage Blog" Conclusion)



(The long-promised conclusion to the wedding saga ...)

Sometimes I worry that I'm doing a poor job of upholding the good name of "The Malcontent," because the fact is, I'm pretty damn happy most of the time.  Don't get me wrong, there is no shortage of snark and smarm left in me.

The headline, you see, refers to the adjective, not the noun.  All along the way, from the time we first discussed making it "legit" up until the moment that I said "I will," there was never a moment of hesitation.  Not once.

I used to say that the ridiculous amount of money I spent on LASIK surgery several years ago was the best decision I had ever made.  But it would be a shallow existence indeed if I went to my grave with that opinion intact.  Thankfully, getting married has supplanted those 30 minutes with the eye doctor.

Continue reading "Content (A.K.A. "Ptown Marriage Blog" Conclusion)" »

The L Word


Despite the rain on Sunday, we headed out between showers to kill some time in Union Square.  I was on umbrella duty most of the time, and holding that big lightning rod made me jump just a little higher with every thunderclap.  But I didn't realize then just how lucky I was not to be struck dead.

We started out at the magnificent and huge ABC Carpet & Home store, which is six floors of moderate to expensive furnishings.  We wended our way among the Buddhas and silks, past the chandeliers and bedding, until we came upon their line of vintage furniture made from salvaged wood, drawing upon sources including abandoned barns, demolished building and fallen trees.

Shelves I got out the camera-phone to click a photo of a tall shelving unit that would go wonderfully under a soffit in our entryway, stepping backward to get just the proper angle.  Just as a felt a gentle brushing against my elbow, the Hubbie yelled, "Look out!"

I wheeled around.  Frozen in front of me for what seemed like a minute was an enormous wooden pot, carved from the trunk of a tree, beginning to tip over on its base.  My mind was paralyzed with horror as I did some quick math on whether dropping a $400 camera-phone would be more foolish than reaching out to save a pot of indeterminate value.

As the Hubbie went running to save his flip-flopped toes, the pot crashed to the floor and tottered around face-down like a coin dropped on a table, until it finally came to rest.  I darted over to pick it up and saw a saleswoman making a beeline for us.

Fortunately, the Hub's dash to safety was just the diversionary tactic I needed.  The saleswoman was busy joking with him about how he was more concerned about getting the hell out of the way than he was about helping me, so I quickly scooped up the pot and heaved it back onto its base.  As he and she continued their banter, I positioned the pot so that the gaping vertical split that had opened up on one side was strategically facing away.

The saleswoman seemed convinced that no harm had been done, so we skittered to the elevator and onto another floor.  We were too scared to stop and check the price on that monstrosity, surmising from the cost of the surrounding merchandise that it must have been at least $1,000.  A big, ugly, wooden bullet had been dodged.

We eventually headed to an early dinner and shelter from the rain at the Coffee Shop.  It was a Brazilian-themed place, and while I opted for a rather pedestrian Caesar salad, I accompanied it with a frozen caipirinha for a splash of authenticity.  It came served in one of those tall, 16-ounce milkshake glasses, and I downed it with dispatch.

After dinner, I decided that another frozen caipirinha would do nicely for dessert.  For some reason, it took forever for the waitress to materialize with the second drink.  I decided to split it with the husband, picking up the drink to shovel half of the frosty yumminess into the empty glass.  In a flash, the full glass slipped out of my hand from the moisture that had condensed on the outside, crashing into and shattering the glass that I had been filling.

I sat ruefully shaking my head, a stream of caipirinha dripping onto my pantleg, as a hostess rushed over with napkins.  She sopped up the mess and gingerly placed the shards of glass into a pile, and I noticed a broad smirk cross her face when she saw the T-shirt I was wearing:

It was raining outside, but indoors at Union Square, lightning had struck twice.

August 15, 2005

Summer Shocker


When I wasn't jumping off the sofa in fright at the wicked thunderstorm that rocked Manhattan last night, I was cowering under a blanket.

Andy Towle, however, did something far more useful: He got out his camera and caught this awesome spectacle:

[HT: GayOrbit]

August 13, 2005

Back to Reality


We head back to the Apple in a little more than an hour (sob).  It has been a terrific week in Ptown.

And yes, we did indeed go through with it.  No runaway brides here.  (Although you have to admit, if a gawky Georgia woman can make headlines for days on end, the a runaway gay groom would have made a helluva front-page story!)

I hope to post more about how things actually went down in the next day or so.  Until then, thanks for following us to the Cape.

August 09, 2005

Oh, Me So Oily, Me Love You Long Time


Oily I am happy because:

1) I just got a 90-minute, deep-tissue massage.

2) I avoided the awkwardness of a proferred "happy ending."

3) I took a pass on an $80 "facial" that would have consisted of having mashed-up strawberries smeared all over my face.  I could get the same for far cheaper at Safeway's produce section.


I am unhappy because:

1) My masseuse had wicked B.O.

2) I think the Hottie's masseuse might have given us both the croup.

3) I was never offered a happy ending in the first place.

New Digs


Room2Room1  The resort management has upgraded our accommodations to a much larger room with a full kitchen and dining area.

If we actually knew anybody here, we could have a helluva party!  (BTW, the picture on the right is the Hottie washing the dog poo off his Steve Madden sandals.  He totally cops to a self-described Lady Macbeth complex.)

Today we are going to try to meet with Rev. Clarke, then two hours of spa treatments, including my first-ever facial.  (The kind you get in a spa, gutter-brains.)  If I had waited much longer to get one, my gay card surely would have been in jeopardy.

Many thanks to those who have so far offered their congratulations.  We could not be happier!

August 08, 2005

Ptown Photoblog, Part I


Following the jump, a complete rundown on our trip so far.  Hopefully there might also be a few insights for any other same-sex couples thinking of taking the plunge in Massachusetts.

Continue reading "Ptown Photoblog, Part I" »

August 05, 2005

Coming Up: Love, Massachusetts Style


GroomsMy gorgeous honey and I will be heading off tomorrow for a wonderful week in Ptown.  As it turns out, the plan also includes our legal marriage to each other.  Thus, I will be crossing one threshold, but also another, into the realm of those who can speak in support of gay marriage not just in principle (ahem), but also in practice.  (By the way, I hope Rick Santorum finds out, and I hope it pisses him off.)

I hope to live-blog this important life event, to an extent, but I'm sure you will understand if other forces conspire to rein things in a bit next week.

In the meantime, in the spirit of AGR's pre-vacation valedictory, I will take steal his silly survey (which he, in turn, stole from various other bloggers), and present it after the jump ...

Continue reading "Coming Up: Love, Massachusetts Style" »

All of Midtown Smells Like Vomit


The New York Department of Olfactory Health has posted a Gag Reflex Index of 14 today for all five boroughs of New York.

A GRI of 10 or above is considered very high.  Residents are advised to stay indoors if at all possible.

If you must venture out, it is recommended that you bring along a small bucket and some Handy Wipes.

GRIs of 10 or above are expected to continue for New York City until Sunday or Monday, when scents of cotton candy and sandalwood will dominate.